CarrieMpls said:

That's really it right there.

JustErin said:

Yep. Absolutely.

Lothan said:

Ok, I'll let you all know how it goes.

JustErin said:

Personally, I don't believe that everyone wants "to love", per se (I think our motivations are far more complex). Does everyone want "to be loved"? That's a good question. Certainly, most people's actual behaviour indicates that they are very uncomfortable being "loved" and would prefer to be the "lover" as opposed to "the beloved" (to quote McCullers).


But have you asked yourself why?


Anyone who's a regular here knows that well. I wasn't implying that you're desperate; just that everybody would be better off rubbing one out instead of chasing something that I believe is not compatible with human nature.

JustErin said:

yeah just do it. at least you'll know where you stand

Ace said:

Sure and the answer is that as it stands now, I am uncomfortable. I've gotta try something else and this is what I'm thinking I should try.

My two choices are cut off all contact with him with no explanation or say something a let happen what will happen.

JustErin said:

Have you considered just going with an ultimatum (e.g. "I need an exclusive relationship") instead?

Ace said:

That's your key right there.

Ace said:

I don't believe in ultimatums. I just believe in telling someone how I feel and then leaving their decision up to them and then I'll just have to deal with
whatever they decide.

JustErin said:

Maybe "ultimatum" is too strong a word here. What I mean is saying something like, "Ya know, I think I need something monogamous."

If your only goal is to continue the relationship, but where you're seeing each other exclusively, putting the "I love you" matzo ball out there is probably going to scare him away.

You're saying you want one thing, but implying you want another.

Imago said:

wow

do not marry her

roodboi said:

this is true, you're right it doesn't but unlikely usually means unlikely and that's just me.

hell, go for it and see what happens..
[Edited 10/30/07 10:20am]

CarrieMpls said:

this is how I see it, too. Once you've got it out in the open, you're liberated.

I've had two face-to-face discussions like this, to no avail, this year.

And I felt better and lighter after doing it. In both instances, the experience helped me confront the reality of who they were, how I'd romanticized them, etc. and where we were in relation to each other, and whether we'd fit. We didn't. Thank God.

Ace said:

I see.

Maybe this is a better idea. Something like, "What we have is very cool but I'm looking for something exclusive so if we can't go there we should stop doing this".

JustErin said:

CarrieMpls said:

Are you implying that I'm incorrect about something?!

Ace said:

But it doesn't really tell him how I feel about him, does it? Or maybe it does.

Balls! I don't even know.

JustErin said:

Besides, what is this obsession with telling people how you feel about them? What is the purpose of that?

JustErin said:

tell him that and how you feel, just spill it. that way you've told all you wanted to say and he knows how you feel, what you're looking for and where you're coming from.

statuesqque said:

Just when I thought statuesque and me were kosher...

I'm a complete idiot when it comes to dealing with boys I like.

I'm gonna go with what Ace suggested and if the conversation doesn't end right there and we start talking a bit I will tell him how I feel about him. I think that's a good mix of both suggestions.

Ace said:

oh, come on she's going to do it anyway, it's been discussed to much at this point to not tell him or say anything.

Good Luck, Erin.

onenitealone said:

Thank you.

I say go with your gut. Did you know that your gut has more nerve-endings than your brain? It does, you can look it up.

...I know what you're saying: "I did look it up and that's not true." Well,that's because you looked it up in a book and not your gut. That's the problem with books - all facts, no heart.

JustErin said:

that's a good plan go with it..

statuesqque said:

This is where we're going to have to agree to disagree (and by "agree" I mean me rolling my eyes and shaking my head in disgust whilst striking "statuesqque" from my buddy list ).

Ace said:

nooooo don't do that!!! I agree with you but like I said we both (all) know it's going to happen anyway, so we may as well support her on it.

JustErin said:

I love someone here.
[Edited 10/30/07 11:09am]

I hope you decide, ultimately, to tell him. I think you'll end up regretting it if he never knows how you feel. Or if you never force him to confront how you feel.