Someone called in and said he was on the down low

Simple but complicated. Married 3 years husband 26 I’m 31. We both work and see each other in passing. He hangs out with friends at times, and I’m pretty much a loner. He has old high school "girl-FRIENDS" that he talks to periodically thru email. Now old friend is having a birthday party, but he doesn't want me to go, said his friends are his friends and that he would feel awkward just inviting me since its probably gonna be only his friends from high school there as if they don't have any significant other to join them at the party. Says I can come along to the next party after he is comfortable with being around his friends again. Mind you these are high school friends.... so he hasn't seen them in lord know how many years and he wants to claim only high school people who all went to the same school will be there. How does that sound to you? Another incident. He started his job; they had a little after work graduation event whereas he said they played cards. But playing cards all night till 5am and not calling home or not even say honey meet me at work so you can go with me. Steve, what kind of mess is that. I feel like he doesn't want me to be around when he hangs out with his friends. Mind you I might not be in the mood to go, but he doesn’t even give me the opportunity to say no, you go ahead without me. This makes me feel insecure especially considering we don't spend much time together at all. when he comes home at night I'm usually up waiting for him so we can have a general conversation, but he wants to play video games till 5 in the morning, so he doesn't even come to bed at night, then we have sometimes that he will come in the room so I don't complain and stay there till I fall asleep or until he thinks I’ve fallen asleep and then off to that video game. But you let someone else want his time, it’s given. I feel so alone and un-needed it hurts, I'm hurting, I feel like committing myself to some hospital because I need some of his time that he isn't giving. I've debated with myself asking am I to needy or imagining things but I just can’t put my finger on it. He use to be so much more attentive and caring but now he complains and tells his female friends how has tired of my arguing, we have no communication and if we do talk it turns to an argument. Another thing is I can't depend on him to help with things around the house he always forgets or wants time for himself so I’m basically doing everything myself. You know that saying I can do bad by myself, I even question what I need him around for since he don't help around the house and don't spend time with me, WHY are we together? I asked him that one day, he said marriage is about stature, not about emotions and feelings. So that makes me think, " oh you want to be with me cause I got some money and take care of my business", I guess Tina's right, " what’s love got to do with it". I know he’s not cheating. Can't tell you how I know but we women have our ways, but I know. I'm hoping he grows out of this soon or I’ll need medication just to calm my nerves. He has a great personality, great with our boys, great financially, but lacks the drive to take care of home and business first. I think he is tired and/or board with me, no matter how high my stiletto’s are. I am financially stronger, a little insecure from previous marriage, and how he's acting doesn't help me feel needed or loved as I should. He use to be there now I feel he just wants to do what he wants, when he wants. I am not a roommate I’m a wife. I've told him that also. I told him if he wanted to live a single life and not have any responsibility then that’s what he should do, but he won't leave. He says he's not going anywhere. In the meantime, I’m supposed to just except this BS. a brother don't know that when you start not being at home a sista get lonely and then all hell really breaks loose. I may be 31 but I look 22. And an opportunity to go out on a date is given every time I walk out my front door. Willing to hang in there and go the long haul but I’m lonely and I miss my husband, my friend



She needs to leave him.

Yes, he is.

"girl friends"
"we don't spend much time together at all"
"no communication"
"he said marriage is about stature, not about emotions and feelings"

He ain't nothing but comfortable doing his thing without any regard for your feelings. He ain't going nowhere, why should he? He got you at home, and whomever in the streets.
He ain't feeling you honey, move on.

but he doesn't want me to go, said his friends are his friends and that he would feel awkward just inviting me since its probably gonna be only his friends from high school there

Stays out with his friends from high school.
Doesn't want to be seen with his woman.
Plays video games til 5 a.m.
Doesn't help around the house.


Sounds like her main problem is that she married a 15 yr. old.

Regardless of all the other stuff going on. He doesn't seem to want to spend time with her. That would do it for me. Later dude!!!!

"possible" is the key word in the question

Sure - that's usually possible to be a cheater

Do they have kids? (i dont feel like reading it again)
I can see if they did then she may wanna try to make it work.

If not, she needs to get outta there fast!

I think he does'nt want to be around her,I don't know if he is cheating or not
He does'nt care about her feeling at all. I wish her best of luck.

...but he wants to play video games till 5 in the morning,

She doesn't have a husband, she has another kid.
I'd see a lawyer. Figure out how to protect assets.

Maybe, maybe not. But one this is for sure:Their Marriage needs working on. Has she even sat down with him and have a real conversation about what's going on? She needs to do that before making any other decisions. If he won't come to the table to speak or if he starts up with that stature crap, I'd make it known that the path their headed on is going to lead to divorce. If he isn't happy, he needs to be communicative of that as well. Going through the motions is making this girl sick and is leading to medication! Obviously that is not the way to go because if he needs more of a reason to not be around, it gonna be her on meds. Her blaming him, him resenting her.

with each one of these posts from Janfriend, I feel so much better about my relationship and where I'm at on an emotional level.

This is high-school bullshit and I play video games until 5 in the morning but I do not take for granted the love of my life.

Illustrator said:

Yeah that's what I was thinking

Illustrator said:

agreed.

i don't know if he's cheating but he could just not want to be bothered with her. she really should break up with him.

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Sounds to me like he wants to be single. Could be cheating... sounds like cheating is going on, but could just be tired of being married.

One is just as likely as the other...

xplnyrslf said:

that's it .. he's only hanging on to her cause she's financially secure.. he wants nothing more ...he doesnt want the responsibility of being a husband ..

"She should leave him," based on hearing only her side of the story? Wow.

Sure, it's possible "this guy" is cheating.

And, it's possible he's married to a shrew or to someone so wrapped up in how good she looks that she's a poor conversationalist...

I'm definitely not defending his apparent immaturity. Marriage is about making adjustments to your friendships, be they with your boys or your old, platonic female friends. They should respect him enough to not only adjust but call him out on his neglectful ways. So, a number of things are out of whack.

But, I'd say it's premature to say she should leave him. They need to talk... probably with a counselor present.

ThreadBare said:

They did talk. He told her marriage was for stature, not emotions

Janfriend said:

... with a counselor.

I still maintain she should consult an attorney. Find out what her rights are in the state, particularily with children. Even if she opts for counseling and to work on the marriage, it will pay off in the long run. She may end up paying him alimony if it comes to a divorce.
The more informed one is, the better.