But when we talk about "drawing the line", "settling" and "no one's perfect", we're focusing solely on the other person's characteristics, and not at all on what we feel with that person. I just meant that, for me, the characteristics of another person never come into play...only how I/we feel when together. If I feel something so strong that I want to be in a relationship with them, then they ARE perfect in my eyes and heart...and it won't matter one iota to me if they're not as funny or as spiritual or as uninhibited sexually or "whatever" as I would have liked when I was single lol..

I really don't require anything other than sincere connection be felt between me and "whoever". And I won't feel that connection with someone who's, say, disrespectful, rude, what have you. I have sincerely never been a "list" person in that regard or an "ideal mate"...my heart has never let me down.

and yet you do have a list even if you haven't verbalized it. You know that you DON'T want a rude, disrespectful person....right.

Of course you meet ppl and you have a connection or you don't but there are things that you like in a person.

I'm just not buying that attraction is just some out there thing that folks haven't thought about even on a basic level.

The man I was with for 6 years was VERY different than someone I would normal go for but there was a connection AND there were qualities that I liked in him.

No, us not being able to be together does not make him any less my total package.

I kind of understand, but not settling for less, or comparing him to future others, I would think you aren't giving the other people half a chance if they are to be compared to this "perfection" you have in mind.

but that's the thing: giving the other people half a chance won't work for me. And on the flip side of that, I have a sometimes dark, moody, very cynical personality. Who would put up with that except someone just like me?

never thought about "the total package"...I hit on most of what I wanted with my wife...and I've learned to deal with her quirks and things that I thought I wanted no part of, but turned out to be very endearing...it happens....

Awwwww

So we are willing to settle for the lesser attributes as long as the better attributes outnumber the the bad?

It depends on what the lesser attributes are. If it's something that's going to annoy me everyday and something I can't get over then fuck no. If it's something that you can laugh at and not care about then who cares.

So if you are 'settling', isn't there always that certain something missing? If so, then how can you be totally satisfied with your partner?

You can't