Rhondab said:

To me that does sound picky. Swagger

CarrieMpls said:

Perfection in a person does not exist.
If it did, you would be fantasising.
Secondly, would anyone really be truly happy settling down with perfection? Thinking about it, it doesn't seem real, and I doubt anyone would welcome "perfection" with open arms: they would be very dubious.

heybaby said:

It IS sweet, but isn't it a bit unrealistic if they can't be together?

I did not mean that anyone could fall in love with anyone, but that you meet a person and fall in love with the qulities they have, not that you fall in love with qualities and then go looking for a person to match them

ThirdandFinal said:

I think that's kinda chicken/egg, though.

MissMe said:

No, us not being able to be together does not make him any less my total package.

CarrieMpls said:

Um, I see it as two completely different things

Lothan said:

I kind of understand, but not settling for less, or comparing him to future others, I would think you aren't giving the other people half a chance if they are to be compared to this "perfection" you have in mind.

There is no such thing

CarrieMpls said:

completely.....

ThirdandFinal said:

How is that picky? Everyone has things that draws them into a person. I think that's just natural.

And yes....I like a little swagger in a man. But I've dated men without it....

ThirdandFinal said:

Not really. I mean, sure, a person is more than a sum of their qualities. I get what you mean by that. But you are also generally attracted to certain qualities over others. For example, I could never fall in love with an arrogant prick. It's just not gonna happen. (I could have, and did, when I was younger, though. But I'm not wired that way anymore.)

And we're also talking about more than love here. To me, "total package" means someone to build a lasting relationship with. I couldn't do that with someone who, though I may have the hots for, was diametrically opposed to the things I find important in life and in a partner.

Rhondab said:

Being male if I see a man with "swagger" I immidiatly think "what is this guy hiding, why is he so insecure" but that's another thread all together

CarrieMpls said:

What I'm saying is that you can't pick qualities and then go look for a person with them.

CarrieMpls said:

Very true!

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

It sounds like a good name for a pub too.

Let's head down to Choosy Beggar for a few pints.

retina said:

2 Guinesses please!!!!!

Cheers.

retina said:

ThirdandFinal said:

Wait, why not?

I know there are certain qualities that are must-haves and there are certain qualities that are deal-breakers in a potential partner.

ThirdandFinal said:

yeah...ok.

swagger comes in all types of forms though...sometimes is very subtle. I'm not talking about being some thuggy arrogant ass. But I do like a little arrogance though


So third...there aren't any qualities you like in a person?

Honesty, sense of humor, etc. etc.....

basically...everything that Carrie is sayin'....she's talking for both of us

I don't really know what "settling" means...either you're in love and feel a deep connection with a person or you don't. If I'm in love, there is no list that I cross things from...and if I am crossing things from a list I probably never felt strong enough feelings to want to be with them to begin with.

Byron said:

I don't think we're saying having a literal list.

But I think there are things that you generally like in a person and you probably move towards those who have those things.


To me, that's just natural.

There are definite things I don't like in a person and things I do

CarrieMpls said:

OK, I'll even say, I can see that you may meet someone and find out traits you didn't even know you were attracted to. For sure that can happen. And especially for those who find their mate young, perhaps they had no idea what they were looking for and happened upon it one day and then they knew. But I've been around the block a few times. I know what I need and I know what I can't tolerate. I don't have a huge laundry list, but there are definitely a few important things I'm lookiong for, that's all.

Rhondab said:

exactly!

Rhondab said:

But when we talk about "drawing the line", "settling" and "no one's perfect", we're focusing solely on the other person's characteristics, and not at all on what we feel with that person. I just meant that, for me, the characteristics of another person never come into play...only how I/we feel when together. If I feel something so strong that I want to be in a relationship with them, then they ARE perfect in my eyes and heart...and it won't matter one iota to me if they're not as funny or as spiritual or as uninhibited sexually or "whatever" as I would have liked when I was single lol..

I really don't require anything other than sincere connection be felt between me and "whoever". And I won't feel that connection with someone who's, say, disrespectful, rude, what have you. I have sincerely never been a "list" person in that regard or an "ideal mate"...my heart has never let me down.

Reminder to pick this up tomorrow.

Rhondab said:

Absolutely, but I never once thought "I need to find a woman with Honesty, a sense of humor, etc. etc....."

I met women and decided if I liked them or not

The one I liked the most I married.

Byron said:

and yet you do have a list even if you haven't verbalized it. You know that you DON'T want a rude, disrespectful person....right.

Of course you meet ppl and you have a connection or you don't but there are things that you like in a person.

I'm just not buying that attraction is just some out there thing that folks haven't thought about even on a basic level.

The man I was with for 6 years was VERY different than someone I would normal go for but there was a connection AND there were qualities that I liked in him.

All I'm asking is for someone that is kind, loves to laugh, is responsible, shows me and my family respect, and he has to have a nice butt. heeehee. sorry I had to throw that in.

Picky here, never settling... until I get too "old"