statuesqque said:

I guess that statement holds true for me as well. I love my parents but they really did not have a clue and therefor I did not grow up with the best environment around me. I think that is one thing that has held me back, I always knew I did not want to put a child through what I went through..so not fair.
I have an idea in my head of what kind of parent, what kind of other half I would want my child to grow up around and look up to.
It is about making the next generation better..not perpetuating and keeping the cycle going...for me anyways.


who knows what will happen...as predom said if it is meant to happen then it will and when and if it does (or does not), in the end it will be right.

PREDOMINANT said:

I am really jealous of people who feel this way.

Lothan said:

You are saying your children saved your life and have taught you patience and unconditional love yet there is no good reason to have kids?????

Interesting take.

Sowhat said:

I did not have children in order to save my life or to teach me anything. I did it out of a sense of taking responsibility for my actions and the fact I do not believe in abortion. I still stand by my opinion that there is no good reason to have kids. If I had not had them, I would have waited til I was forty and adopted some of the kids here already that need love.

Oh hell naw.


It would cost me 40/50 bucks to get my drink/club on, and that's before I even leave the house.

ok, 60 or 70 bucks if you factor in hair products.

PREDOMINANT said:

i agree with you on this

i just wouldn't have it any other way.

It's funny cause I never thought I wanted kids, but sometimes it flashes in front of me and seems like a good idea. Though, like other people, I'm more interested in my career and such at the moment.

But like someone said, it seems like the people who SHOULD be having kids decide against it, while some of these idiots are fuckin' like rabbits and basically doubling the population.

shanti0608 said:

For me too and I've gone to great lengths to break that cycle in my nieces life as much as I can and I know if I would've had them all of the crap stops with me. In way I guess for my part I have stopped the maddness since there is only my niece and my brother does not intent to have any more. I've actually met the man or other half I wanted to have a child/children with but as my life has played out it wasn't in the cards. though I do agree with, who knows what will happen it's just in this area for me it's pretty clear what will not.

Anxiety said:

Anxy, can I be your babymama?

CarrieMpls said:

I had VERY strong desires to have them in my mid thirties, I think because I had always said that I would not have children after I made 35. That was a hard year for me, the week of my 35th birthday I cried and cried. The desire is still there but I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be a mom.

statuesqque said:

I have been told that 40 is NOT too late. I am 36 and I also had it in the back of my mind that 35 was the cut off age.

shanti0608 said:

I've been told that too and in truth it probably isn't but my other issue of meeting another man I want to be connected with for the rest of my life...is looking pretty slim.

statuesqque said:

I often wonder how/why I became so picky and set in my ways about the person I want to have a child with. Now that I have found that person (which I have felt for a while now) I know that it still takes time to get established together. I still wonder if it will happen due to my age. I wonder how some ppl can just go for it and it works out for them.

I know now that it is something that I want and I still worry that it may not be in the cards for me.

PREDOMINANT said:

Amen

Mach said:

I think this is great that PREDOM, yourself and others feel this way.

But I think it's general broad statement that doesn't apply to everyone. Some people just aren't wired to bond with children that way. My dad, for example.

Imago said:

I agree, I have seen many ppl that decided not to have them that ended up very happy with their lives, fulfilled and loved. I have also known many ppl that had kids and still felt their lives were not fulfilled and happy.
I guess we are all different. Thank goodness

Do we have the same dad?

I have always wanted to have kids of my own ever since I could remember. And now that I have three beautiful girls, I have never had one second of doubt or regrets that it was the right decision.

I watch my girls grow and enjoy life. They are very well rounded, play sports, get excellent grades in school, but these are achieved not at the exclusion of all else. It is not all homework all the time, not all soccer all the time.....at this point in their lives they are truly enjoying life while at the same time growing, maturing, learning, etc.....

And not only have they made me and my wife better people and have taught us much and helped us grow, they helped my parents greatly also. When we started having kids, my Mom got younger so to speak. She started brightening up, enjoying life more, doing things like getting down on the floor to play with them and getting out and exercising more. I honestly believe it added years on to her life.

And now that she has passed (her and my dad were married for 41 years), it helps him out greatly. They are a big part of his life. Instead of shutting down, he lives.

But at the same time, being a parent is hard work and is not for everyone. It takes a ton of time, patients, resources, sacrifices.....hell right now I am coaching two Soccer's teams, helping to set up the year end tournament for Soccer. I get off from work, go straight to Soccer, straight home from Soccer to help with homework (if I don't have to go to Soccer or Basketball meetings first)....Soccer 6 days a week for me and I still have Basketball season coming up as soon as Soccer is over, fortunately I am coaching only one Basketball team since my middle daughter has chosen to play competitive winter league soccer.

Don't be ashamed of your choice whatever it may be. For some having kids of their own is the right thing. For some it's adoption. For others not having kids is the right choice. Don't let society or others tell you what is right for YOU.

My three angels:

shanti0608 said:

being picky is a wonderful thing... It's very important I think to take the time and think "I'm going to be tied to this person for the rest of my life and even if we don't work out they will still be apart of my life because it's my kids father or mother." people aren't picky enough about who they have childeren with... my brother and my nieces mother are perfect examples. I love and so happy to have my nieces but oh, my god if two had no business having a child together it's the two of them.

I don't know though something tells me your cards have changed...I can see a lot happening in your new phase just watch and see

Imago said:

I agree 100% - My Brother Michael is a good example of that. Those that feel that way or choose not to have children for a million other reason have my respect for their choices as well

it IS GREAT to feel this way ... I feel deeply blessed

statuesqque said:

Thank you my org twin...
I hope you are right..we shall see.

I guess for me it has been being picky in many ways..being picky about being attached to someone for the rest of my life, being picky about the father of my child, knowing what I want in the person, what I want that person to be to our child. It is a whole complicated package that I had never felt in my gut before.
One of my exes was already a father and I did not agree with the way he acted being a father so I knew it was not going to happen with him. One of my other long time partners was a great person but I just could not see him being the father of my children. I have a way that I want my relationship to be, the love and commitment that my child will see between us. Children are very observant.
Wow....how very complicated...

shanti0608 said:

Girl please! You settled for Phil the man-hooka!

Imago said:

I think I just finally gave up and decided to make my life simple...




NOT!!!!!

shanti0608 said:

That's it exactly for me.. that's why for me there's only been that one where I felt it in my gut... and absolutly children see every thing, even when you think they don't.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

now THAT would be an interesting child!

heybaby said:

this makes sense. i often feel like "passing on one's genes", however natural an impulse, is all vanity and ego. there are so many babies in the world who are unwanted and in need of a good family, but most of us would rather have "a little me" or be able to say "oh look, she has my eyes".

of course, to be fair, the adoption procedure is not exactly a piece of cake, especially when all you have to do if you really want a kid is to get knocked up.

i'm not sure if my mother was ready to have a child when she had me, and she said many times during her life that i raised her as much as she raised me - and she was right. being my mother's son was a lot of work, though it made me a stronger person and i'm glad i came into this world to help her as much as i was able. though when i have a kid, i want him or her to be able to leave the driving to me.

Anxiety said:

I always thought that adopting was the right thing to do rather then bringing another child into this world.
The state of Florida does not allow gay couples to adopt which I find utterly stupid and selfish. There are so many children in foster homes being shifted around from home to home and being abused in the process..It makes me so mad

Ok...I guess that was off topic.

shanti0608 said:

I agree - It's very very sad how the children of this planet suffer

Mach said:

I know.... hey as long as the kids are with a heterosexual couple then all is well in their world..please...so sad really.

shanti0608 said:

Yeah cuz we all know that's a perfect arrangement



I really am deeply bothered how children have to pay such a high price in the world for the actions or lack of, from the adults that are supposed to protect them



sorry oozing off topic ...


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[Edited 10/17/07 9:52am]