roodboi said:

That's me as well ...I doubt I could sit and write out a list of reasons why I wanted to have a child. I just knew I did. And there has never been one nanosecond since my daughter's conception that I ever questioned that feeling I had. On the contrary, the feeling has been validated a million times over in the 14 1/2 years since she was born...

Byron said:

That's also why I've never had them. I feel like I should really, really want them. That it's part of my vision and life plan, not just something you do. It never has been a strong urge of mine.

heartbeatocean said:

And I bet you don't find yourself having regrets, either ...I think we all know what path we should travel, and things get mucked up when you travel the one you only think you're supposed to travel.

I always knew I wanted kids, just didnt ever think I was ready...but it happened for me. Twice! While I see why other people don't choose to have kids, and I think thats great too..Its their own choice....I cant imagine my life without my lil men.

Byron said:

I haven't had any regrets ever until a few pangs lately, now that the door is shutting.

I've always wanted to have kids but at 40 I just don't see it happening realistically. Plus, for me it's a matter of meeting that particular man I want to have children with or for...I'll be connected to this person for the rest of my days so it can't be just anybody.
[Edited 10/17/07 16:19pm]

Lothan said:

There is ONE really good reason for having kids, but it is hard to be sure of, and that is if you are positive that you can raise a good human being.

NDRU said:

i want to guide and encourage that little person in their formative years.
i want to be proud of them and share in their joy as they learn and grow.
i want to pass on what is good in me... and by extension what was good in those that came before me.
whether the child is born of me or chosen by me i am a nurturer and i need to nurture.
i just hope it happens before too long.

ZombieKitten said:

I said "generally!"

Sometimes I do wonder if I'll be missing something in my life without children. But then I think that children may fill a void, but plenty of other things do as well.

The important thing is to have love in your life. And fortunately, I do.

ZombieKitten said:

Yes, if you can raise a child with the least amount of hang ups possible, it's beneficial not only to the happy human you create, but also to you and to the world.

The sad thing is that many of those potential parents aren't the ones having kids.

It really hurts to see parents who weren't ready and don't really enjoy it, and they teach that unhappiness to their kids. That's something I experienced, but only partially. My dad had no interest in kids, my mom really really wanted them. So I'm half fucked up.
[Edited 10/16/07 23:36pm]

NDRU said:

I think it would be a mistake to think that a child will fill that void. I still have a void - 3 kids didn't fill it. The master said kids would give me something to do, for the times when I felt aimless and without purpose. They sure gave me something to do (and more), and mostly prevent me from doing what I truly want to do - like pursuing my creative passion. I don't feel they gave me purpose, instead, obligation (not speaking on behalf of other parents, this is just me).

NDRU said:

NDRU this is why I made this thread for you - the epiphany!

heartbeatocean said:

I think adoption is a great option for many. The door doesn't have to close. Just having a cat tells me that the feelings for an adopted child are potentially boundless. :

Not that is wouldn't be cool to see the face of the person you love in your children, but I don't think it's necessary.

NDRU said:

absolutely
one thing you learn with having a child, biological or adopted, is that your love is bottomless, neverending, unconditional. One could say having children might make you a better person, but that is not guaranteed.

ZombieKitten said:

I've known that for a long time, but it's also pointed out in the movie Idiocracy. The stable intelligent couples are all saying "well, the time's not right...I have my career...we need to move to a better school district..."

And the idiots are saying "I'm gonna fuck all of you!! WOO HOO!"

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

And the nice thing about adoption is that you are absolutely making the choice. Often people make the choice the natural way, of course, but more often it seems like a side effect of sex.

NDRU said:

Where I live adoption can take years a friend of mine, unable to conceive, has been in the queue for close to a decade, but they are close now. It was lucky they decided to adopt so long ago and when very young, she is only 30 now.

ZombieKitten said:

wow! that's got to be really hard

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

frankly there really is no good reason to have kids-that decison is completely a matter of the heart imo. all emotion-no sense what so ever

heybaby said:

yes

do our hormones trigger the emotions that make us reckless enough to take the plunge?
[Edited 10/17/07 2:37am]

roodboi said:

statuesqque said:

I have always thought like that as well. The partners I have had I knew we would not be good parents together and/or I did not want that connection forever like you have to have if you have a child together. I am very thankful that I listened to my gut feelings and did not have any. I had other reasons along the way, one is that I never felt a "need" or "desire" to be a mom, I know it is a HUGE job and one that I might not be so good at. Another reason is that I have this philosophy that I do not want to leave a huge foot print on earth and I think having children does that. (As far as the world population goes and the earth's resources). another reason is that I do not have a close knit family, my parents hate one another and I would want my children to have good grandparents, have someone to teach them things about the past, I never really had that and I think that is important.
So I have made a life choice not to be a parent really...now I feel I have missed the boat because of my age.

shanti0608 said:

I've never felt the "need" but the desire to be a mom has always been there and I think I would've been a pretty good mom. I've practically raised my niece and other kids in my family (four others directly) and they've turned out to okay with very bright futures. As for family they would know them but have limited interaction with them...very limited. I love my parents and my family but I want a healthier environment for my kids then the one I was raised in. It would've been nice to have had a child/children, I think I would've been a lot happier with and at this point in my life than I am now...maybe in the next life.

statuesqque said:

My whole life I pretty much knew I didn't want kids. It has never been a goal of mine. But for the last 4 years or so, the pangs and practically irrational desires keep popping up. The biologial clock thing (not to mention the hormones telling me to make babies) is very, very real. It's become evident to me that I've got a window and it's almost starting to close. If I want kids, I pretty much HAVE to do it now. Or at least make the plan for it now.

But I can tell it's not in the cards for me... I just wonder how I'll feel when I know the window is shut for good.

I wanted kids for as long as i can remember. I didn't rush though, a bit of when the time was right and a business trip combined with a slight miscalculation of days by my wife and now we have no. 1.

There is no right or wrong time, it is always right when it happens and if it's not right for you then that’s right too.

However, I cannot imagine life without my little man - I almost cry to even let a fleeting thought of such a thing pass through my mind.

YES he is hard work, yes it is tiring, and yes I wanted to go to more prince concerts and dinners in swanky restaurants.

But nothing, nothing, can compare to the emotional impact of a child on your life.

It’s fantastic, It's magic!

I am childless by choice *now*, because i want to only live for me. I want to travel, and work hard, and earn money, and do all the other things I want to do, none of which involve staying home with nappies. Or children for that matter.

But in the future, I hope I will be a mother by choice, because theya re something I want eventually. I'm not very broody but I think that will change with age.

But for now, no chance

I did not make a conscious choice not to have children....it just simply did not happen.

But I have had 2 beautiful (ex)step-daughters since one of them was 4 and the other one 2 years old.....I consider them a part of me even though I am not their biological mother. I love them with all of my heart, and I get just as much love in return.

Every now and then I get pangs and wish I had a biological child of my own, but I look at a picture of Jennifer and Amy and realize how blessed I have been.