I'm glad you guys are feeling me here, to the point of the thread, the other reason I couldn't date a woman with kids is that ALL kids love me to death. I'm essentially a man child who still enjoys playing outside with kids and doing kid stuff. With that said, I would hate to bond on this level and have this little person love me only to have the relationship not work and have to break-up with the woman and crush a little kids heart in the process. It would be unbearable for me.

The final thing I'm going to say is that while I've said some harsh things about the way I was raised here, people learn from their mistakes and my mom was one hell of an amazing human being. She raised me and my sister without help from anybody and made me the person I am today in some of the toughest times in her life. It's been almost a year since she's passed and these memories are just reminding me of how great she was and how much I miss her.

paintedlady said:

Awesome post.

ArielB said:

[Make comments to both genders edit ]

I might date somebody with adult children. In general though, no, kids are one of my true dealbreakers. I don't enjoy being around them, and life is hard enough without having to forge a relationship with the Other Parent. I know people do it all the time, but I just don't wanna.

I've always made it a rule to not date people with children because of a few things:

1. The other biological parent may have issues with someone else bonding with their child

2. The child may feel threatened

3. I may bond with the child and have to deal with the emotional turmoil of breaking up with the child as well as who I am dating. A friend of mine went through this and the person she broke up with told their child she moved away where there were no phones

4. Time. I knew someone who had a toddler and they equally divided their time with the child with the other parent. The child came first (as they should). Time to date seemed to be an issue

My mother married a man I didn't know when I was young. I knew she was dating someone, but never met him until the wedding day. He immediately tried to step in and be the parent. He was kinda mean. I really didn't like that he was a stranger trying to runs things. I didn't like his personality and I was right because the marriage didn't work

Part of my issue is if I marry someone with children, what would be my parental role?

I had a male friend tell me that because so many men walk out on their responsibility, it is common to date a woman with children, but a woman should never put up with dating a man with children

I have done my turn on planet procreation. I also did/do very well if I say so myself... I do not date men who either want children and or have them because I feel complete in that area!

pretty much depends on the child's age.

the younger the better as he/she can grow up seeing me as a daddy.

i'm talking 3 years and under there.

PricelessHo said:

You're a man?

Janfriend said:

mmhmm

PricelessHo said:

A very cute one.

Janfriend said:

its okay to give a little bit advice. it doesn't bother me. I want to say step mother but i'd say you would be the person who gives support to your spouse when he's having problems with his child. you can listen but giving advice and playing a part in discipline is very tricky seeing how some parents don't want to hear from an outsider their child's wrongdoings and where to go with it (and if thats a problem I think it would raise quite a few flags before marriage anyway)

as far as dating a man with kids its hard because you have to deal with the kids mother. but that gets better as the child gets older or maybe not btw all of your points are valid if thes issue bother you, as they should, don't do it, run fast!

all of these things need to be taken seriously.

JustErin said:

oh wow. I guess the name threw me off...even though I have called some men "ho."

heybaby said:

I knew a guy who dated a girl who didn't agree with is parenting skills and how he dealt with the child's mother. It was a tricky relationship and it ended. If I were to marry someone with children and then have my own children with the person I married, there may be some differences in how I raise my children and how my spouse raises their other child(ren). You know, like some as simple as giving a child candy as opposed to sugarless snacks or some a bit more major like when is the appropriate age to date or wear make-up. There could be some major conflict there if my role is to just give advice and not have an equal say

Janfriend said:

if you and your husband had kids along with the kids he has with someone else then the two spouses should come to a compromise on how the kids should be taken care of and disciplined equally as a whole. I feel that in that case you should have a say in the entire matter.

i would not date someone with children. i've made a conscious decision to avoid the responsibility of children (because it's a huge responsibility that i don't think i could live up to) and dating someone with kids would entail taking on some of that responsibility.

i'm not terribly fond of children. it sounds cruel, i know. i don't mean it to be mean...i'm just being honest. i don't care to be around them and i certainly don't want to be accountable for them.

truth be told, i'm afraid i might be a giant let down for a kid. it would be best for a parent to date someone who wants to share that lifestyle and responsibility.

sassybritches said:

honesty is everything.

heybaby said:

I think in the case of dating and things like that, I think the biological parents should come up with the rules and I think the step parent should support the decision. The trick is marrying someone with similar views on dating, makeup, etc so there wouldn't be such a difference in parenting styles.

I've dated men with children and my biggest thing is to respect the mother as the mother. Her child, her rules.....

Rhondab said:

true
[Edited 10/13/07 0:41am]

sassybritches said:

I am sure that any mature adult woman would understand and respect your decision.
I have had the same feelings towards children all of my life.

I dated a single mother once. She and I had been schoolmates, and we met back up at a friend's wedding years later. Her child was a toddler. My friend and her daughter's father were having a tense, bitter time. And her child was curious about who this new man in her mom's life was (though she couldn't speak, because of her age).

It was all very awkward, not so positive.

I want kids, but I think the adjustment to dating a single mother (especially a mother to a younger child) would be a bit drastic for me.

On the other hand, earlier this year, I got to know a single mom in my church in whom I'd been interested but avoided because of her young daughter. Turns out she's an awesome person.

And, of course, now married.

ThreadBare said:

CalhounSq said:

Hey! Go learn how to cook a sammich!!!

ThreadBare said:

:::breaks out the cook book:::