Janfriend said:

I dated my husband for 3 yrs prior to marriage

He had 2 young children and was a great father - something I wanted in a life partner

and yes, I would do it all over again

I must admit that I would be reluctant to date a woman who already has kids. I'd much rather we made the decision to have kids together and shared that experience from start to finish. To step in at a stage where the kids are already there would make me feel like I was just along for the ride in their life rather than that it was "our" life, plus the children's real father would always be in the picture and in a sense have a stronger bond with the family, which of course is no fun.

That said, I don't completely rule out the possibility.

as a single mother I would much rather a man be honest and up front about whether or not me having kids is a problem. Better to know that then get too deep. And me and the boys are a package deal-if you can't deal with them you can't deal with me. i'm ok with that. I understand its not for everybody. Before I had kids I dated guys with kids and I never had a problem with getting along with them, but it was always the baby's mama that seemed to cause the problems. That issue on both sides has to be considered seriously.

Janfriend said:

I also don't want to date a guy with no kids, I mean to his knowledge. If anyone think that I am heartless or self centered too damn bad.

I just want to be with someone no kids because if our relationship goes to another level with serious and commitment then us starting our own family would be a consideration.
[Edited 10/12/07 8:30am]

heybaby said:

It used to burn me up when a guy would not be interested in me since I have kids and some guys would even assume I was easy because of them.

Kids are a huge responsibility and now it doesn't bother me if someone says they don't want kids ro date a person with them. I will say it takes a hell of a man to date a woman with kids.

I find it kinda funny though, a man will date a woman with kids, no matter how many, if he considers her hot enough.

Lothan said:

yeah but thats the same with women also. After time goes by and they see what responsibilies it entails the novelty wears off and their off to the next 'new item' of the week They are thinking about gettin some ass not the long term and why should they? its up to the woman or man with the children to decide if they choose to accept it or not.

Lothan said:

Or a hell of a woman to date a man with kids.

That's me

heybaby said:

I agree.

So far, I haven't been in a situation where someone lost interest because I have a son. If I did, I probably would be disappointed but I would certainly understand.

retina said:

See... I'm not totally against it either. And last time I was dating a man who had kids a friend of mine said they could see that working perfectly for me. A ready-made family.
I guess since I swing one way or the other about having kids as quickly as the wind changes, while I don't go out of my way looking for it, I guess I'm not ruling it out altogether, either.

Lothan said:

I've never heard something like that before! That is TERRIBLE.

Janfriend said:

I wouldn't back in the day, but I've had to relax my rules the past several years. If she doesn't have more than two, and if they're well-behaved, there shouldn't be a problem. I don't want to deal with Bebe's kids - been there, done that, never again.

uPtoWnNY said:

that is too funny.....when I was dating the ex with the kid, she only had one...but her older sister (by older I mean 24) had SEVEN kids by FIVE different guys....talk about Bebe's kids.....

thanx for bringing back that image.... I'm LMAO....

reneGade20 said:

OMFG...dude, I wouldn't even touch that hot mess. I'd be like, "feets don't fail me now!"
[Edited 10/12/07 10:47am]

uPtoWnNY said:

she just had that magic....literally had guys lined up to get with her...none of her kids went without....but I was like DAYUM!!!

the one I was with only had the one little girl, but going over there to visit was like going to a house party....little hellions EVERYWHERE.....

...it was kinda frightening....

CarrieMpls said:

Yeah, and I suppose that the older we get the more open we become to accepting a ready-made family. Partly because it simply gets less and less likely to find childless singles, but also because a ready-made family might mean that we wouldn't have to feel like old parents (the other person's already jumped on the parenting train at the "right" time), plus it would save us the bone-ache of raising toddlers.

Sometimes though there's a fine line though between thinking of life in a pragmatic/practical way and being crass/cynical about it, isn't there? Hopefully the day we meet Ms/Mr Right we will be so much in love that all these thoughts will be a non-issue.

grammar edit
[Edited 10/12/07 11:00am]

I have never been in the situation, but I would do it.

Growing up with my mom's boyfriends was not cool. Some thought they needed to play the dad role, others acted like we weren't even there. One was a molester but nobody knew...until I told my mom. Some sick fucks prey on women with kids, that's just a fact.

The other fact is when it came down to what was what, my dad's wife would've made the choice to kill us rather than the kids she had with my dad. This was obvious in dishing out punishments, christmas gifts and overall trying to make me and my sister look worse at every turn. She could fake a good game in front of my dad but I lived the reality everyday growing up.

Needless to say, I made the choice not to date women with kids most of my life as I didn't think it was a great way to grow up. So think about this before you judge someone for making the choice not to date a women with kids, everybody has their own reality.

I'd avoid it unless I really thought I could love the person.

I hate the idea of children seeing guys come in & out of their mother's life.

Slave2daGroove said:

thats fucked up. blended families are really hard. it took me a year to introduce my boyfriend to my kids. things are going fine. when and if things get broken off it would be a really long time before i do something like this again. the good thing is that you know what you want

Slave2daGroove said:

Sorry to hear about all this. I'd still like to think that it could work for some, but as you've demonstrated there are plenty of potential pitfalls.

JDInteractive said:

Gay people have children. Especially the women

I had a relationship with a man who had grown (over 21) children and I loved that he was such a proud father. He loved telling stories about them, their accomplishments and how he raised them.

The benefit of dating men with adult children: No baby mama drama, no attachment issues, and no hate against you from the children . . . .

never mind

retina said:

Don't get me wrong. With some intelligence and integrity, the situation can be handled the right way. I mean, it's ridiculous to think that a woman or a man should have to be lonely or without sex because they had kids. It's just not realistic.

The point is to not bring a revolving door of men into the children's life when they are developing human beings, it has an impact. Date, do whatever but keep the kids out of it until the time is right and there's an element of trust and love that dictate it's time to share the person with the little humans that you love. The other point is, raising someone else's kids is a challenge, for that matter raising your own kid is challenging, but if you've made a choice to make a life together and you're suppose to treat kids fair, do it. Don't have a set of rules for your kids and one for his, it's just not right and the kids see it and feel it. Showing favoritism happens even in families that have kids from the same parents but have some integrity along with a clue, kids see, hear and feel EVERYTHING. Some never forget as you can see from my posts here.

Slave2daGroove said:

All valid points.

Slave2daGroove said:

It kills me to hear that anyone else dealt with similar situations as this. When my dad dated, I was removed almost completely, which I'm thankful for now. It would have been harsh for my young mind seeing him go through the motions of trying to find "the one".

The most unfortunate part is that the one he picked was so evil and cruel to me, that I still haven't forgiven her for it. I say I have, but I really haven't. Even people as incredible as my dad, whom I practically worship, are capable of a total lack of awareness to what's going on in their own home. She made my life hell for over ten years. To this day, my dad's oblivious to her hatred.

Thankfully, we're on terms now that allow us to grin and bear it during holidays. Recently, I found my stepmother on a certain social networking site, with blogs dedicated to how strange I am, and how much of a burden I was to her growing up because of our differences. Public blogs, in which members of the community I grew up in, read. I'm thinking of a proper public rebuttal.

retina said:

agreed

Slave2daGroove said:

AMEN!!!
I am a single mom that was raised by a single mom, I don't want to marry again, I will not introduce my kids to any lover I have. If the relationship gets deep, then I might consider an introduction, until then, the man can always ask my friends what my kids are like.Never shit where you sleep, keep the boyfriends away from the babies. Funny thing is the guys I've met all were conserned and were confused that I don't want someone to play "daddy", guess they think babydaddy is still hanging around. I've dumped several guys cause they wanted to meet my kids.