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Coming Out Gay. Was it Hard for you to Come Out as a Gay person? What were your Experiences and do you feel Bias or have you been a Victim of a Bias Crime? | |
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I turned 21 in 1997, and that was when I first came out to my friends and coworkers. After going to my first 'gay' bar, my first 'gay' club, my first 'gay pride parade', my whole attitude about being afraid of who I was completely changed. Its a real eye opener to be standing in a park surrounded by thousands of people just like you. It's exciting to see celebrities at these events supporting the gay community. If youre surrounded by a group of gay friendly people, you'll start thinking everything else out there is ok.
Then I got hit with a $270 fine (plus court costs) in Pittsburgh for making out with another guy in his car. No less than 5 cop cars surrounded us, I had to go to court over it, and they mailed a copy of the police report to my house complete with a description of the offense "with another man", which my parents would have easily seen had I not gotten the mail that day. I'm having a hard time believing this would have happened to me if it was a woman in the car. A friend of mine had the shit beaten out of him in the parking lot of a local gay bar by his dad, after he had to call him there to bring the spare set of keys (he thought he had lost his). Its amazing how you can walk into a gay bar on a friday or saturday night and it'll be wall to wall. The next day, when the sun comes up, where are all these people? Why do they have to go back to hiding it and being ashamed of themselves? Before you dive head first in (er, out) to the gay scene, look over all the obscure laws in this country aimed at limiting your freedom, taking away your human rights, and treating you like less of a person. In the town where I live there are actually laws against impersonating a female before a certain time in the evening (like THATS a real threat to the community). In some states sodomy can send you to jail for anywhere from 5 years to life (this is based on sites I've read outlining this, I'm not a law expert). Other states even go as far as to declare 'gay' sodomy illegal and 'straight' sodomy permissable. Up until recently, it was legal in many states to fire someone based on their sexual orientation. At my current job I'm not out. Why? I work with two intensely Christian people who from the looks of things will go ballistic the moment I open that can of worms to them. I know the moment they start throwing the "You're going to Hell!" sermon at me I'm going to read them for filth, and more than likely get fired for it. It's very unnerving having to work beside someone who is being raised to hate you, and look at you in disgust. People who consider it their divine right to make your time here on Earth a complete Hell, in addition to Hell you're doomed to in the afterlife. Where is Matthew Sheppard right now? Did he have to go through what he did and THEN get sent to Hell for being gay? What a bum rap eh? thats Christian logic for you though. Personally, I'm sick of watching people be ashamed of themselves for being gay. I'm sick of watching these same people turn to alchohol and drugs to deal with it. I'm sick of reading about how many gay people have attepmted suicide by the age of 25. It may seem righteous to fling bibles in peoples faces to back up your ignorance. But I'll be damned if I'm 60 years old and alone. [This message was edited Tue Sep 10 23:07:30 PDT 2002 by Tom] | |
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Thanks for sharing that with us. Now does anybody else besides this Gentleman have the Balls to tell it like it is for you or your Friends? | |
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Natasha said: Thanks for sharing that with us. Now does anybody else besides this Gentleman have the Balls to tell it like it is for you or your Friends?
theC Why don't you tell us one of your stories??? | |
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Thanks for sharing with us Tom. I'm still trying to decide whether or not I want to post my own experiences here. I'm not shy. It's just... so much work, for an issue that's so settled, years ago.
Thanks again. | |
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Aaron said: Thanks for sharing with us Tom. I'm still trying to decide whether or not I want to post my own experiences here. I'm not shy. It's just... so much work, for an issue that's so settled, years ago.
Ditto.. that was SO last season for me. | |
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To me coming out was fairly easy. My mom was okay with it, my brother and sisters too. It took them some time to prick through the hetero sexual standards they are used to.
I often am afraid for American friends having to go through all the shit described above. Even though being gay is not accepted everywhere (I think coming out in small villages is the same, no matter if you are in Holland or the US), I still think that there are many ways to reach out and touch. I kind of dislike gay gatherings now I am 31. In Holland the gay rights are well taken care of; we can now even legally marry. But the clubs, even how exilerating they were when I was younger, now seem shallow to me. They were shallow back then too, but I was too busy to notice. Don't loose yourself in the 'gay lifestyle'. Just make your homosexuality a part of your life but do not let it rule it. Just be human that just happens to be gay. And if you wanna have fun with ignoratn people, just aske them; "So, how old were you when you told your parents you are straight?" Never fails to get a fun reaction. And if ignorant straight guys always ask the same question ; "Have you ever kissed a woman?" just answer; "Have you ever kissed a man?" that makes them shut up too. And if they answer "yes" negotiations are open, LoL | |
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And I respond TOTALLY to Tom, reaction, btw. Thanks for sharing Tom. | |
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Tom said: I turned 21 in 1997, and that was when I first came out to my friends and coworkers. After going to my first 'gay' bar, my first 'gay' club, my first 'gay pride parade', my whole attitude about being afraid of who I was completely changed. Its a real eye opener to be standing in a park surrounded by thousands of people just like you. It's exciting to see celebrities at these events supporting the gay community. If youre surrounded by a group of gay friendly people, you'll start thinking everything else out there is ok.
Then I got hit with a $270 fine (plus court costs) in Pittsburgh for making out with another guy in his car. No less than 5 cop cars surrounded us, I had to go to court over it, and they mailed a copy of the police report to my house complete with a description of the offense "with another man", which my parents would have easily seen had I not gotten the mail that day. I'm having a hard time believing this would have happened to me if it was a woman in the car. A friend of mine had the shit beaten out of him in the parking lot of a local gay bar by his dad, after he had to call him there to bring the spare set of keys (he thought he had lost his). Its amazing how you can walk into a gay bar on a friday or saturday night and it'll be wall to wall. The next day, when the sun comes up, where are all these people? Why do they have to go back to hiding it and being ashamed of themselves? Before you dive head first in (er, out) to the gay scene, look over all the obscure laws in this country aimed at limiting your freedom, taking away your human rights, and treating you like less of a person. In the town where I live there are actually laws against impersonating a female before a certain time in the evening (like THATS a real threat to the community). In some states sodomy can send you to jail for anywhere from 5 years to life (this is based on sites I've read outlining this, I'm not a law expert). Other states even go as far as to declare 'gay' sodomy illegal and 'straight' sodomy permissable. Up until recently, it was legal in many states to fire someone based on their sexual orientation. At my current job I'm not out. Why? I work with two intensely Christian people who from the looks of things will go ballistic the moment I open that can of worms to them. I know the moment they start throwing the "You're going to Hell!" sermon at me I'm going to read them for filth, and more than likely get fired for it. It's very unnerving having to work beside someone who is being raised to hate you, and look at you in disgust. People who consider it their divine right to make your time here on Earth a complete Hell, in addition to Hell you're doomed to in the afterlife. Where is Matthew Sheppard right now? Did he have to go through what he did and THEN get sent to Hell for being gay? What a bum rap eh? thats Christian logic for you though. Personally, I'm sick of watching people be ashamed of themselves for being gay. I'm sick of watching these same people turn to alchohol and drugs to deal with it. I'm sick of reading about how many gay people have attepmted suicide by the age of 25. It may seem righteous to fling bibles in peoples faces to back up your ignorance. But I'll be damned if I'm 60 years old and alone. [This message was edited Tue Sep 10 23:07:30 PDT 2002 by Tom] Tom, thanks for sharing your experiences and your outrage. Two of my best friends in life have had similar experiences. Before I knew them, I had the same sorts of prejudiced perspectives you mentioned. It's only been through being a real friend to these two buddies of mine that I've understood how being Christian isn't about walking around judging others -- it's about seeing how people are people. Jesus didn't walk around condemning folks. He met their needs and forgave their sin. I've often wondered, having been their friend for years, why so many of Christ's followers walk around missing the point of His teachings. It's a common reaction for us to hide behind dogma (whether it's something biblical or not) -- instead of getting to know people. God has blessed me through my friends. And, I'm just as heterosexual as I've always been. LOL But, instead, to cover up our own fears and discomfort with "different" people, we take the hate route. It's unfortunate, harmful and tired as all get-out. God bless you, man. And, thanks again. | |
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Gooey thanks and to the last person thanks everybody for sharing your opinions and being Open. | |
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When I was 17, I was seeing a psychologist because I had just lost a lot of hearing and sight and my parents thought it would be good for me to see a shrink. Anyhoo, he was a very nice Yugoslavian guy, and we mostly talked about books and movies we both liked.
One day, I decide to tell him... After a long introduction, I finally say "I'm gay". He looks at me and goes... "Oh no, you're not gay." I say... "Sure I am!" He says "No way, you're not!" Exasperated, I tell him "Hmmm... man, I have fantasies about YOU!" Poor guy still wouldn't believe it... Amazingly this happened in the early eighties, and not in 1956 like it sounds like... | |
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Aerogram said: When I was 17, I was seeing a psychologist because I had just lost a lot of hearing and sight and my parents thought it would be good for me to see a shrink. Anyhoo, he was a very nice Yugoslavian guy, and we mostly talked about books and movies we both liked.
One day, I decide to tell him... After a long introduction, I finally say "I'm gay". He looks at me and goes... "Oh no, you're not gay." I say... "Sure I am!" He says "No way, you're not!" Exasperated, I tell him "Hmmm... man, I have fantasies about YOU!" Poor guy still wouldn't believe it... Amazingly this happened in the early eighties, and not in 1956 like it sounds like... That was sooo sweet...  | |
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Aerogram said: ...When I was 17... Amazingly this happened in the early eighties
That makes you...how old? | |
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gooeythehamster said: Aerogram said: ...When I was 17... Amazingly this happened in the early eighties
That makes you...how old? That makes me amazingly young-looking. Just pray you look like you're 29 when you reach my old age. | |
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Aerogram said: gooeythehamster said: Aerogram said: ...When I was 17... Amazingly this happened in the early eighties
That makes you...how old? That makes me amazingly young-looking. Just pray you look like you're 29 when you reach my old age. I do not believe in that HAVE TO BE YOUNG thang going on, I was just curious of your age, as your profile is as empty as ever... | |
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gooeythehamster said: Aerogram said: gooeythehamster said: Aerogram said: ...When I was 17... Amazingly this happened in the early eighties
That makes you...how old? That makes me amazingly young-looking. Just pray you look like you're 29 when you reach my old age. I do not believe in that HAVE TO BE YOUNG thang going on, I was just curious of your age, as your profile is as empty as ever... That's because I'm enigmatic and stuff... | |
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I came out as bisexual at 14...my friends and family were supportive but reactions of others were amazingly hateful. I was jumped at school 2wice and got in so many fights 2 defend myself i was thrown out and forced 2 attend an alternative high school...i lived in a small town at the time and i had obscenities spray painted on my home and (later on) my car smashed and the word "dyke" burned in2 my lawn...when i contacted local police i was told that "my kind" were "instigators" who "asked for it" and "deserved what they got"...i've since moved and i'm desperately saving 2 go back 2 my home...manhattan,NYC...the reactions are less severe but still incredibly rude w./ comments like
1."you are 2 pretty and feminine 2 b gay...u must really like men and r just confused" 2."I thought u ppl hit on straight girls 2...that u wanna get in2 every1's pants 3. (the ubiquitous) "you're going straight 2 HELL!" in an odd but but related observation i find that straight ppl are wary of me bcause i date women but lesbian have chasticed me 4 looking"2 feminine and straight looking" and because i date men...w/ ppl of both orientations telling me 2 choose a side and make up my mind...as if my sexuality was any more of a choice than theirs...i don't get it at all | |
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Aerogram said: That's because I'm enigmatic and stuff...
Oh. I am a hamster. I run in a treadmill. | |
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AprilMichelle said: "2 straight looking"
Funny, that. I get that too. Why do I have to like Madonna, Cher, Bette Midler and Barbra Streisand? People know because I am open about it; when straight fella's mention gf's I mention bf's. But I guess certain parts of America still have got a long way to go, just like cerian parts of Holland. Most gay people tend to live in big cities, where the gay communities are stronger and well accepted. Don't let all of this put you down; these things strenghten you, make you more aware of the world and prejudice. These are horrid things you mention and until society has no way to filter out aggression against being different from a young age, most of these things will keep on happening. Back in Holland I used to give speeches in high schools, to educate on being different, not being gay. Most times they were kewl classes, with young people coming out on the spot, which is a hard thing to do. What these classes thaught me was that you can make these things accesable to young people if you do not stigmatise. Jeez, now I am lecturing again! LoL. Just Be Yourself, is the lesson. If that involves a boa, so be it. | |
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AprilMichelle said: I came out as bisexual at 14...my friends and family were supportive but reactions of others were amazingly hateful. I was jumped at school 2wice and got in so many fights 2 defend myself i was thrown out and forced 2 attend an alternative high school...i lived in a small town at the time and i had obscenities spray painted on my home and (later on) my car smashed and the word "dyke" burned in2 my lawn...when i contacted local police i was told that "my kind" were "instigators" who "asked for it" and "deserved what they got"...i've since moved and i'm desperately saving 2 go back 2 my home...manhattan,NYC...the reactions are less severe but still incredibly rude w./ comments like
1."you are 2 pretty and feminine 2 b gay...u must really like men and r just confused" 2."I thought u ppl hit on straight girls 2...that u wanna get in2 every1's pants 3. (the ubiquitous) "you're going straight 2 HELL!" in an odd but but related observation i find that straight ppl are wary of me bcause i date women but lesbian have chasticed me 4 looking"2 feminine and straight looking" and because i date men...w/ ppl of both orientations telling me 2 choose a side and make up my mind...as if my sexuality was any more of a choice than theirs...i don't get it at all Wow this is a tough one. I don't really understand the whole bi-sexual thing either. I'm not judging or flaming you, don't get me wrong. But do you have a preference? Would you rather end up getting married to a man and having children or be with a woman the rest of your life? Some girls give the whole bi-sexual thing a bad name. Most of them are doing it for attention because they like how a lot of guys get off on 2 women together. That, I think, just sucks. | |
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Tom said: Then I got hit with a $270 fine (plus court costs) in Pittsburgh for making out with another guy in his car. No less than 5 cop cars surrounded us, I had to go to court over it, and they mailed a copy of the police report to my house complete with a description of the offense "with another man", which my parents would have easily seen had I not gotten the mail that day. I'm having a hard time believing this would have happened to me if it was a woman in the car. Bloody hell! I'm not too familiar with American English but I'm assuming "making out" means "kissing" right? 5 cop cars for a kiss... what a scary place this world can be at times! | |
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CarrieLee said: Some girls give the whole bi-sexual thing a bad name. Most of them are doing it for attention because they like how a lot of guys get off on 2 women together. That, I think, just sucks. No no, it's marvellous! The worst thing a woman can do to her boyfriend is to discount completely any possibility of a threesome with another woman ever... taking away his hope like that, it's not right | |
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Tom said: Then I got hit with a $270 fine (plus court costs) in Pittsburgh for making out with another guy in his car.
What on earth did they charge you with? Please note: effective March 21, 2010, I've stepped down from my prince.org Moderator position. |
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moderatorian said: CarrieLee said: Some girls give the whole bi-sexual thing a bad name. Most of them are doing it for attention because they like how a lot of guys get off on 2 women together. That, I think, just sucks. No no, it's marvellous! The worst thing a woman can do to her boyfriend is to discount completely any possibility of a threesome with another woman ever... taking away his hope like that, it's not right Classic!!! :LOL: SUPERJOINT RITUAL - http://www.superjointritual.com
A Lethal Dose of American Hatred | |
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ian said: CarrieLee said: Some girls give the whole bi-sexual thing a bad name. Most of them are doing it for attention because they like how a lot of guys get off on 2 women together. That, I think, just sucks. No no, it's marvellous! The worst thing a woman can do to her boyfriend is to discount completely any possibility of a threesome with another woman ever... taking away his hope like that, it's not right I went to a club in Providence and these 2 girls were dressed in Bondage gear, on leashes and spanking each other. Giggling and waiting for any man to pay attention to them so they could make out.  They were just sluts!!! Drives me crazy.
way too much info I just gave, therefor I will edit!! [This message was edited Wed Sep 11 12:24:12 PDT 2002 by CarrieLee] | |
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CarrieLee said: I went to a club in Providence and these 2 girls were dressed in Bondage gear, on leashes and spanking each other. Giggling and waiting for any man to pay attention to them so they could make out. They were just sluts!!! Drives me crazy.
way too much info I just gave, therefor I will edit!! [This message was edited Wed Sep 11 12:24:12 PDT 2002 by CarrieLee] theC That wasn't too much info :O | |
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matt said: Tom said: Then I got hit with a $270 fine (plus court costs) in Pittsburgh for making out with another guy in his car.
What on earth did they charge you with? Disorderly Conduct. | |
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ian said: CarrieLee said: Some girls give the whole bi-sexual thing a bad name. Most of them are doing it for attention because they like how a lot of guys get off on 2 women together. That, I think, just sucks. No no, it's marvellous! The worst thing a woman can do to her boyfriend is to discount completely any possibility of a threesome with another woman ever... taking away his hope like that, it's not right Speaking of that, I wonder how many straight gals would like to have a threesome with their hubby and a gay man. There's a classic gay porn movie from the 70's with a waitress playing peeping tammy on two gay truckers. | |
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theC said: CarrieLee said: I went to a club in Providence and these 2 girls were dressed in Bondage gear, on leashes and spanking each other. Giggling and waiting for any man to pay attention to them so they could make out. They were just sluts!!! Drives me crazy.
way too much info I just gave, therefor I will edit!! [This message was edited Wed Sep 11 12:24:12 PDT 2002 by CarrieLee] theC That wasn't too much info :O I quickly edited so you wouldn't read one of *MY* experiences!!  | |
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ian said: Tom said: Then I got hit with a $270 fine (plus court costs) in Pittsburgh for making out with another guy in his car. No less than 5 cop cars surrounded us, I had to go to court over it, and they mailed a copy of the police report to my house complete with a description of the offense "with another man", which my parents would have easily seen had I not gotten the mail that day. I'm having a hard time believing this would have happened to me if it was a woman in the car. Bloody hell! I'm not too familiar with American English but I'm assuming "making out" means "kissing" right? 5 cop cars for a kiss... what a scary place this world can be at times! It was sex. I saved the ticket because the cop who filled it out made a mistake and checked "waking" as my offense (which is deliberately rocking a boat to make waves). The judge and prosecutors and cops in the court room all got a laugh out of it, while I turned several shades of red. [This message was edited Wed Sep 11 12:33:17 PDT 2002 by Tom] | |
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