I've recently written a blog about this but I just wanted to touch on this a bit.


Do you have self awareness? Are you aware of who you are, what vibe you put out into the universe?


Have you ever discovered how you view yourself doesn't match with how others see you?

just curious.

Rhondab said:

ALL the time

There are times that people say the most wonderful things to me and I don't have that picture of myself. Sometimes I do believe I am strong but sometimes I believe I am incredibly weak.

Rhondab said:

I have self awareness now, it took me years and years to get to this place. I had very low self esteem and a horrible self image brought on by a lot of things and it took people who loved me and who I believed loved me to show me, me.

Sometimes I forget and I have to make a conscious effort to remember. But now, on most good days I am not surprised when people say somethings about me, either negative or positive and mostly it just reconfirms what I already know deep down.

I still view my self as a strong person, I just had to erase the negative connotation I had in my mind as to what being weak was. I had to cut myself some slack for real, I was way harder on my self than I needed to be. In me that was an expectation of perfection more than anything. I had to admit to myself that I wasn't perfect and it was ok.

interesting Butta....


Every since I was little, I was told I was strong. My mother use to say it so much that it would make me mad. It seems when ppl view you as strong, they don't give you the opportunity to NOT be strong.

I've learned that I am strong but I give myself permission to cry and be honest about not being able to handle things.



I'm starting to hear about my control issues from others which I think is funny on some level. Being bulemic, I know its more about control issues than food so I'm learning that I've had some control issues for years now.


People think I'm nice and cheerful. I'm considered having a "cheerleading", supportive type of personality. I think I' sorta mean.

Yes. Clarity of mind goes a hell of a long way in being in touch with oneself. Lately I find the chaos that is in my life dilutes my powers and my ability to really be in tune with myself. And I really identify with people viewing you as strong and therefore not needing anything from anyone. People always tell me I must not have any problems because I'm alwasy laughing and smiling and it isn't that I am being a big ass fake but I hate being unhappy so I tap into the happy part of me as much as I can. But when people tell me that I'm like Oh if you had some of these problems you'd probably buckle!

Rhondab said:

that whole "strong black woman" thing was drilled into all of us as little girls I think. My mother still has that expectation of me, to handle it all to be the one who will fix everything, with out asking for or needing any help. I get angry because I feel like it is always up to me that my brothers never were expected to take care of anything. I believe that all that drilling caused me pain and lonliness more than anything else I did in my life because that's where my trust issues came from and that is where my need to be in control came from. The acceptance that I thought I got in the world hinged on the "strength" that I exhibited. The ability to TCB, and even though I could and still can, it was a weight that I carried and resented.

I vowed to change that legacy and instead I tell my girls, be true to you, compassionate, sensitive, smart, athletic, stubborn, silly, whatever, learn who you are and embrace it all and if you find you don't like it let it go. Still TCB but not at your detriment, don't give to anyone until it hurts--not even me.

I remember a long time ago there was a thread here about being "nice" I think I posted on it, but I remember thinking, I have to make a real effort sometimes to be nice; most times I am just genuine and here lately genuine does not = nice.

rhonda you are not mean you are real and there is a difference

butterfli25 said:

call her Dab and see how real she gets

How can we be self-aware when we adapt to each individual conversation and situation in differing degrees of perception and action? Do we just judge ourselves at the equlibrium where we like to think we balance between goo and bad (no prizes for guessing where most of us lk to believe the needle is tipped)? Or do we judge ourselves by how others react to our presence in generalistic terms? Personally, I try not to nevel-gaze too much. I remember getting outrageously stoned on peyote about five years ago and committed a gross soul-rape upon myself. It wasn't a spectator sport and I pretty much had to rebuild myself from the inside out. ILike a collonic irrogation of the heart where you have to taste and regurgitate every wrong decision and absorb all perceptions of you through the ass. My hair still looked fantastic, though.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Chicago...you and me

Dab this!!!

What I hope for myself, is when I have passed and gone on to the pearly gates, that people will remember me as a nice, friendly, caring person. When my Mom passed 10 years ago, there were people coming out of the wood work to tell me nice things about my Mom..random things I never knew of...it was such a good feeling.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said

alright supa don't get a beat down

Number23 said:

and that's all that matters

butterfli25 said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said: