Nomatter what happened in the past between me and my exes, they were all worthy of my love. Just because we came to a point where we knew it was better to continue our individual path in different directions, or just because we had ups and downs, doesn't mean they weren't worthy of MY love or ANY love for that matter.

When you are still digesting a relationship that didn't work out, you don't see that. I didn't either. But time does heal all wounds.

After forgiving your ex for what he or she did to you
(read: what you allowed to have done unto you untill you let him or her go), and after forgiving yourself for doing what you did
(read; no matter if it was an action or a re-action),
you can see the beauty of one's soul again.

Weren't we all born innocent and love-craving babies?
So I say they were all worthy of my love as I was worthy of their love, when we were in the relationship together. and I agree, that eventhough we move on without the other, the love is always there and will always be there.

billyjackbitch said:

Oh, fuck that.

Yes, we may allow people to do stuff to us, it does not excuse in any way, shape, form or fashion that that person has done those things. This is the reason why I don't love the people I was in love with before.

Thank heaven above that I learned a lesson from all of them and thank God the person I choose to love now has shown he is indeed worthy and has indeed shown me that he loves me. Had I not come across this man, I would have nothing but hate for those others.

billyjackbitch said:

Couldn't have said it better...

Lothan said:

I think it all comes down to what we're each able and capable of doing individually...I've known women who have been in horrific, abusive relationships who don't hold nearly as much animosity towards their ex's as other women who's ex's didn't do anything worse than the level of not lifting the toilet seat lol...It's more about how each of us processes things than it is anything external. I gained a HUGE level of peace of mind and heart when I forced myself to truly embrace that reality.

Byron said:

Can you elaborate Byron?

Lothan said:

That might take awhile lol ...I'll write it in an orgnote when I have a little more time so that I don't end up engulfing this thread ...

Basically, it's just a life philosophy that I've always felt and believed either consciously or intuitively, but never practiced. Then started doing a lot of reading (a LOT), a lot of talking (well, opening up...I always kept everything to myself and internalized), and even seeing a marriage counselor (while still married, of course heh)...and things just started falling into place.

Btw, give Insatiable a HUGE hug for me, as well as one of these ...

there's a huge difference between loving/caring for someone and being in love, though. things can definitely change.

evenstar said:

The difference, I think, is in the longing...

Byron said:

yup.

For me,
there's usually always a smile when I love my ex-girlfriends.
Though it does tend to turn more mephistical when I love 'em in the ass.

Byron said:

I will.

Lothan said:

yeah...I can't flow with that either.

I think we're taking the word "worthy" and having it mean that they aren't worthy of any love. I know that's not what i was saying. Maybe the better term is deserving and not worthy.

I don't have any animosity towards my exes but I'm not going have some la la land view of past loves and relationships either. Wish them well and keep it moving.


I don't believe in being bitter at all. I do believe in letting go and moving forward but I do believe having a realistic view of what the relationship really was. If there is no love lost, as with Lothan's relationships, so be it. If you have love for them all like BJB, so be it. As long as its not from some unhealthy place, so be it.

Byron said:

gosh..that's sounds like pity.



I don't have any issue with the men that I was in a relationship. I think there were definitely qualities about them that were great but based on some very serious actions, they were undeserving and a couple have admitted it.

Rhondab said:

Hardly pity...it was said with sincerity. ...I don't know you well enough to say anything else other than I hope things start changing in that area for you.

Ummmm...just checkin' in on my thread....

FOR BYRON!

DexMSR said:

I don't think so. making me smile doesn't 'mellow things out' for me. I'm a person who focuses on actions instead of words. Those actions determine how I percieve that person to be and where its going. 9/10 i can figure out how it will end. The little things. Those same actions influence how i would feel in the end about that person and if they deserve it. How can you still love someone who in some form has shown you that they don't love you back? I can't

heybaby said:

heybaby said:

Love is an action word


I think what Dex has written is quite poetic but not very realistic nor should be in some situations.

Illustrator said:

Well put

sexxydancer said:

that's so true

Rhondab said:

This is the only way I can find peace in my heart about the men that I gave my love to. None of them deserved it but I was being true to myself and following my heart. My brain is tryin to school my heart so the right man gets it the next time

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

heybaby said:

I can.

JustErin said:

i understand that. i've even tried but i'm just incapable of seperating the two.

evenstar said:

No question about it...

Love is both a feeling and an action. The feeling is that of genuinely valuing another person and the action is the consumation of that feeling by contributing to their wellbeing by nurturing them.

Being "in love" is another story altogether: It's a response to the anticipation of deep need-fullfilment. And it's almost always sexually charged. I suppose it's sort of selfish in a way. But if you mix in the first kind of love, you get a nice spiritual cocktail with some real potential for fireworks and lasting warmth and wholeness, long after the 4th of July is over.

Partner selection here depends on your psychology...you can't fall in love with just anyone, unless you spackle over the missing information with wishful thinking, and when all is revealed it sort of fizzles out anyway. Some people do this on purpose, just to get the high. Others simply have a 2 or 3 day affair on a cruise ship and have fond memories of being swept away for a little while. The real thing is more informed than that.

Unless there is a personality change, new, negative information revealed, etc., the real thing really does last forever. You may not get butterflies in your tummy all the time, but you'll always be strongly attracted, hopefully enough to get over the rough spots.

JustErin said:

I can, too. Love, for me, will never again be about what I can get from someone else...relationships won't be that way, either. I can love someone and never even be in a relationship with them...all it means is that I'll express that love in a different way.

teller said:

Nicely put...

Is this the REAL Teller, btw? lol...

weeeehhhhlllll a boom boom cat to you to.....

My love never hurt you....
my love brought you back....
my love put you up to be admired, not to be made a sacrifice....

I think about you daily, because that's how my love is...

my love only felt good to you.....

you really know .....what love is.....

i just never wanted to know it.....


yeah, I saw it...and it was to be admired....
if i saw it and showed it ...to you then why did you still think i had to know it...

Byron said:

In all honesty, this is how I approached love. I had the notion that if I loved someone it was about my love towards them. I believe in showing it and being in it. I'm a giver my nature. If I love you, I'm going to show it and most of the time without the expectation that it will be shown to me.

At some point, when someone says it to you, you do need to have some expectations of what LOVE should look like even in friendships.


Relationships are really a two way street and even though people can love differently, I think that true LOVE is definitely action and not just three words. I think some don't really understand the true power of those words and take them lightly. I don't.

If I ever say those words to you, even as a friend, I mean it wholeheartedly. I get annoyed with those who will be quick to say, "I love you!" and their actions don't back it up.


I think I've provided TRUE love but haven't received it.

(Or received it in the manner that I needed it.)