When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, the would be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and
tried
the trigger again. WOW, it worked!

***

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
The
chef's claim was approved.

***

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, HE SHOT HER!

***

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare
to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver
went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. Damn, I like that one...

***
An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

***
AND FINALLY:

A mother takes her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by
having
sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes ma'am, of course I am paying attention. It's just that the last
time
this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three Wise Men Came, And
I
was just hoping they would show up again.

FUNNEE

Please feel free to add a few of your own screw-ups to this topic!
I have hundreds! ... but I am thinking ...

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, HE SHOT HER!

---

Fair do's

Australia - I dont know how they do this, but when there is a forest fire or whatever, a helicopter scoops up sea water and drops it on the fire... anyway, after one such forest fire, officials surveying the damage, came across a badly burnt body of a man... he was wearing a snorkel!

TheSkinMechanic said:

ROFLMAO! I know that is totally cruel, but it is damned funny! Can you imagine what he thought, being scooped out the sea and thrown on a fire! that is so horrible, but I pissed myself laughing!