Ever wake up from a long sleep and realized you really lost track of time or self?

you're still dreaming now muse....you're not awake....

I spent some 2 years in a depression but wasn't aware of it on the surface... It was a lot of hard work pulling me out of the dark.... biggest issue to me was I was basically self medicating... I was hooked on 2 glasses of red a night for a longgggg time.... end effect was numb well that and an additional 35 lbs on my frame.Now when you are numb ya don't really note you are subtly doing yourself in... Who knew you couldn't eat and drink your way out of a mental tight spot?

Although, I have well dealt with the pain that got me there now I still have a few side effects to straighten out. I suppose one could say, those are the things that will keep me from falling into a trap again. ( The fact that digging your way out is very hard work indeed!)

Anyway, was going through my wardrobe and yikes I have work to do... so sorta went down reality lane...

So for anyone else out there in the center of life off course... You will get there one step at a time...

roodboi said:

Mayhap that is a lot of the time...

PS I gave up the regular drinking habit ( which had escalated in recent times) about 3 months ago.... Will still do it on occasion but not on a California life style regular basis. It is amazing what you do not see when you ice it every night. I encourage anyone whom might think they possibly are self numbing to give it a try and note me for support if they'd like. I had a buddy on equal footing and we sorta did it together as a science project.

I am so vey glad we did.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I can do that wide awake.

littlemissG said:

Well technically I was!

Indeed, my friend. Went through a similar self-discovery recently. Amazing how the surrogates in which we invest have ways of insulating us from things we need and of affecting our lives in ways we never intended.

Kind of like the Garden, huh?

I celebrate your forsaking the surrogate as you draw closer to Him and your destiny, and all that other stuff that shall be added to you.

yup, in summer 2006. i think i'm getting better too.

Yep, I think I'm still doing it. I'm a creature of habit. I need to shake things up a bit.

ThreadBare said:

Solid....

Some of the greater trials came right after I made that decision. How ironic is that!

evenstar said:

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Just change one little thing at a time... they mount up slowly but surely!

Like I dont know If you feel like you aren't getting out take a trip!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Hmmm. I think I'll do that.....

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

Im all for whatever knocks you out of a stooper!

When I was working shift work, all the time. Not so much now.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I think we have all done that...drifted along in a state for whatever the reason was then we woke up. I think at least from my personal experiences with deression in the past and getting through it makes you stronger and appeciate where you are now...on the other side.
I think as humans especially nowadays it is easy to lose yourself because we spead ourselves so thin on a daily basis.
The important part is that you see reality now and you are a better person for it.It is a constant learning process and the bad times help remind us that we are alive and human and then we cherish the good and the happy times even more.

I love you, Snuggles.

sometimes the reality check is liberating and others its sad.

I've been a tad disappointed about some things I'm learning about myself lately.



I'm pulling it together.

I didn't self med during my dark period (some choose to describe it as a form of PTSD after my previous deployment here)....I engaged in socially destructive behavior...infidelity....pretty much acting like I had no home training....it took for me to almost lose everything near and dear to me (family, career, friends) to shake loose of the cobwebs and straighten my shit out....

.....so much ....many ....lotsa as you come back to your center light....

I use the org to self medicate And for once I am not being a smart ass.

shanti0608 said:

Solid! I think it was important to not fight against the process or awareness of it. I spent a lot of energy fighting against the truth of it and that kept me there a lot longer... When I let the process wash over me so to speak... I began to slowly take steps to undo it all.

HamsterHuey said:

and I you dear heart!

Rhondab said:

Well, I get that lady. I was more then a tad disappointed to find myself in a position to do as I thought was waste a few years of my life. I had far to much pride to accept that the mighty had fallen to such a pit ( I don't think the fall bothered me) as much as the fact i existed there for a few years....

I get now however, it had to be that way. In my case, there were the moments where I had to face that strong as i was I couldn't seem to yank myself out of the space... maybe for a few days and the opposition would just knock me back into a numb lull.

interesting is, I faced greatest opposition AFTER I knocked off the bad habits that were defeating me. I made the decision to just bare up as i get that. A test sort of thing... proving one ready for the next level and that the lesson was really learned.

reneGade20 said:

I have seen where you shared that before and Carrie shares of her dark period. I believe it is VERY important to share these things with others. Its those little "word drops" that help others hone in for moment on themselves.... Took several of those word drops over time to get me seeing things again! Pay it forward always.. someone out there is in the same space you have been and needs to hear it! I am thankful for my little signs along the way.

EverSoulicious said:

I think lots of us have at different points!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I need another vise because this one is becoming self destructive

It's the journey.

I went through. . .oh. . .a year?. . . of medicating pretty heavily. And ya know. . . I needed to. And when I didn't need to, I just stopped. I think it can serve a purpose if there's some semblance of control there.

Of course, for many it just becomes a death spiral.


Aaaaaanyway, I love you.

EverSoulicious said:

Youll center.. give yourself a minute...