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PrintableCalligraphy said: Genesia said: Don't keep harping on how she's beautiful -- just keep her focused on the things she already feels good about! Go to her dance recitals (if she takes class) and compliment her performance. If she draws a picture, tell you love it -- and thank her for it.
I think we spend way too much time focusing on the physical. Frankly, a lot of folks aren't beautiful physically -- and they usually know it. If you go on and on protesting that they really are beautiful, they're going to know you're lying. (Kids, especially, are very perceptive that way.) It's much better (IMO) for kids to gain their self-esteem from doing (which they can control) versus how they look (which they mostly can't control). Ever heard the saying, "Pretty is as pretty does"? I think if D tells her niece she's beautiful, she'll mean it. There's nothing wrong with helping a child understand that beauty encompasses all of us, regardless of how close we come to some mass-marketed "standard." It reinforces the point you make about the substance of a person being what's important. But, it also introduces a child to the concept that everyone is beautiful and can be appreciated as such. You missed my point -- which was that D shouldn't focus so much on the physical aspect of beauty. I wasn't questioning her sincerity. Why focus on other things? Because physical beauty is a) subjective and b) fleeting. A person one individual finds beautiful may not do it for another. And physical beauty doesn't last. People get old. Their faces (and everything else) start to sag. As someone who's on the downward slide herself, let me tell you, a lot of it isn't pretty. The love of my life thinks I'm the most beautiful woman on earth. Which I don't doubt that I am -- to him. But when he tells me that and then I look in the mirror, I think he's fucked in the head, frankly. 
Fortunately, the perception of beauty is about so much more. I have friends who aren't physically beautiful...but who are so kind and generous, and who make me so happy when I'm around them, that they are beautiful to me. That is my point. Beauty isn't just what's in the mirror. It's the great part of you that inspires and is reflected in others. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Calligraphy said: Genesia said: Don't keep harping on how she's beautiful -- just keep her focused on the things she already feels good about! Go to her dance recitals (if she takes class) and compliment her performance. If she draws a picture, tell you love it -- and thank her for it.
I think we spend way too much time focusing on the physical. Frankly, a lot of folks aren't beautiful physically -- and they usually know it. If you go on and on protesting that they really are beautiful, they're going to know you're lying. (Kids, especially, are very perceptive that way.) It's much better (IMO) for kids to gain their self-esteem from doing (which they can control) versus how they look (which they mostly can't control). Ever heard the saying, "Pretty is as pretty does"? I think if D tells her niece she's beautiful, she'll mean it. There's nothing wrong with helping a child understand that beauty encompasses all of us, regardless of how close we come to some mass-marketed "standard." It reinforces the point you make about the substance of a person being what's important. But, it also introduces a child to the concept that everyone is beautiful and can be appreciated as such. You missed my point -- which was that D shouldn't focus so much on the physical aspect of beauty. I wasn't questioning her sincerity. Why focus on other things? Because physical beauty is a) subjective and b) fleeting. A person one individual finds beautiful may not do it for another. And physical beauty doesn't last. People get old. Their faces (and everything else) start to sag. As someone who's on the downward slide herself, let me tell you, a lot of it isn't pretty. The love of my life thinks I'm the most beautiful woman on earth. Which I don't doubt that I am -- to him. But when he tells me that and then I look in the mirror, I think he's fucked in the head, frankly.
Fortunately, the perception of beauty is about so much more. I have friends who aren't physically beautiful...but who are so kind and generous, and who make me so happy when I'm around them, that they are beautiful to me. That is my point. Beauty isn't just what's in the mirror. It's the great part of you that inspires and is reflected in others. We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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I really agree with Genesia. I think children, especially young girls, pick this up from television, society and their role models and it's truly tragic. All I can think of is, is be the kind of role model that she needs. In your life and actions, celebrate all kinds of beauty, especially the kinds that really matter, like love and compassion and joy. Rather than constantly reassuring her that she is beautiful, maybe de-emphasize that it's very important. "You are beautiful, now let's move on to some other, more worthy topic!"  Possibly that is what her mother is trying to do? I agree, if she felt more valued for her talents and achievements, she might care less about the physical beauty part and she may become very motivated in that regard. It may also be nice to get her in touch with her own spiritual being, whatever that means to her, so she can relate more to her own non-physical essence and identify with her spirit not her body. | |
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heartbeatocean said: I really agree with Genesia. I think children, especially young girls, pick this up from television, society and their role models and it's truly tragic. All I can think of is, is be the kind of role model that she needs. In your life and actions, celebrate all kinds of beauty, especially the kinds that really matter, like love and compassion and joy. Rather than constantly reassuring her that she is beautiful, maybe de-emphasize that it's very important. "You are beautiful, now let's move on to some other, more worthy topic!"
Possibly that is what her mother is trying to do? I agree, if she felt more valued for her talents and achievements, she might care less about the physical beauty part and she may become very motivated in that regard. It may also be nice to get her in touch with her own spiritual being, whatever that means to her, so she can relate more to her own non-physical essence and identify with her spirit not her body.Nicely put.  We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves. | |
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Well, of course, adults around such a child should stress other, more important aspects of that child's abilities, gifts, talents, etc.
I was just suggesting that -- where that area of aesthetic standards is concerned -- that some reinforcement in the right direction isn't a bad idea. Wasn't suggesting it should amount to the total approach. | |
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Calligraphy said: Well, of course, adults around such a child should stress other, more important aspects of that child's abilities, gifts, talents, etc.
I was just suggesting that -- where that area of aesthetic standards is concerned -- that some reinforcement in the right direction isn't a bad idea. Wasn't suggesting it should amount to the total approach. Exactly. It's goofy to think that a young girl is gonna be able to ignore her physical self. Definitely focus on the things she does well, & when opportunities strike to help build her belief/acceptance in her own beauty, do that too.    I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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DarkSideOfBeauty said: She tells me that she would be prettier if she has long wavy or straight hair , thinner , had blue or green eyes(her eyes are brown)and fair-skinned. I told her that beauty comes in all races , body types , hair textures , eye colors , hair lengths ,etc but she does not believe it. I told her mother(my sister)about this and you know what she told me? She told me that if her daughter wants straight hair , she can easily go to the drug store and pick up a relaxer but everything else she can't do nothing about it. I am so pissed off about this whole thing I can't even tell you. I've tried everything to convince my niece that she is beautiful just the way she is , but so far nothing works. I've tried talking to my sister AGAIN about this but AGAIN it goes out one ear and out the other. I'm so upset because I don't know what else to do. Anybody here have any suggestions?
 sounds like me when i was 8... it's so hard trying to get used to being different... does she live in a primarily caucasian community? i did and still do, and i remember crying myself to sleep wishing i was white... just so i could fit in, just so i didn't have to answer the question "why does your hair look like that/why does your skin look like that?" love your neice..tell her she's beautiful... she's a gem, i know - she's probably wiser beyond her years... love her to bits before she grows up always wanting to be different...tell her to take it from me, it's not fun.  [...i think i can, i think i can, i think i can...] | |
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