During Labor Day weekend, I offered to carry a large box for a jaw-droppingly gorgeous, single bridesmaid.

Simple enough, right?

This occurred, however, about 1 minute after refusing to carry a cubish, glass vase of flowers for a longtime platonic female friend (I have horrible allergies).

I made a choice most men in that position would have made. I thought my friend would find the turnabout as humorous as I. Humor among buds, so to speak:

"We're at a wedding. We're both single. Don't ask me to do "honey do" tasks. Mingle!!! Charm some dude into carrying that, while I attempt to curry favor with this modern-day Venus! 1... 2... 3... BREAK!!!" A few seconds later, she handed it to a groomsman, who it turns out was gay. Not exactly what I was rooting for her to do...

Last night on the phone, my friend reiterated how ticked she was about my apparently caddish behavior. "I'm not pretty enough to help?" was her question. It seemed odd because: 1) She seemed to be acting more like a girlfriend in the posing of her question. 2) She seemed to think her vase was as heavy as the bridesmaid's box.

Her behavior about this brief series of events, as well as a comment her mom made to me about joining the family (I quickly reaffirmed my brotherly relationship with her daughter), have me thinking their expectations of me aren't so platonic.

Any tips?
[Edited 9/11/07 19:48pm]

I'm very charming in real life. I don't mean this to sound as pompous as it does, but I am.

So it's happened to me on occasion. Dealing with it has yielded different results.

Maybe ease yourself out of her life for a bit, give her a chance to meet someone else and leave you alone!

Sweeny79 said:

Yeah, I did that a few years ago, when I felt she was smothering me.

Imago said:

Are you back in Borders?

Calligraphy said:

Did it work?

Sweeny79 said:

I thought it did. I've had (sadly) a string of girlfriends since then. She had a boyfriend. Her behavior that weekend was weird, though: At one point, when she saw me texting someone, she thought it was another female friend of mine, and she closed my phone mid-text.

When I got after her about doing such a thing, she said: "You were probably texting that girl..."

I was like, "And if I was, that's my business..." At first, I took it to be some sort of friendly concern, but her comments last night (2 weeks later) have me tripping a bit.



Can men and women really be friends?

Calligraphy said:

They can be friends, IF they have the same goals in mind.

Exit stage left, my friend.

Calligraphy said:

yes, damnit, i refuse to be friends with only women.

Calligraphy said:

That's a sore spot with me right now.

evenstar3 said:

And, I'm great at talking to women -- except, of course, when they look like Halle Berry's much prettier sister and they're carrying a large cardboard box --but incidents such as this, on into my 30s, are a little off-putting.

Imago said:

If it's any consolation, I got a little tongue-tied when I saw a cute hippie chick in a nearby Borders.

Oh no. This is a baaaaad situation. No matter what you do you're in trouble.

I'm sorry I have no great words of wisdom. All I can say is that you should be honest with her. Just tell her the truth about your feelings and intentions. Even though it will be awkward I think this is the only way to go.

Good luck.

hokie1 said:

I can't imagine how I haven't been honest with her. We talk about relationships, interests, flirtations, etc. all the time. It's weird.

Calligraphy said:

OK, well in that case you really want to know what the problem is? Girls are just stupid. That's all. They are.

hokie1 said:

That's sig-alicious

Calligraphy said:

Yikes sore subject over here!

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

You know, I thought about you after I typed that sentence.

Calligraphy said:

Thanks I think.

Calligraphy said:

dude, she could very well be talking about that stuff with you to make you think she doesn't like you. people are manipulative like that.

Calligraphy said:

evenstar3 said:

Women!!!

Calligraphy said:

pfft, i had a man do that to me. you all are just as crazy.

Calligraphy said:

See!!! What did I tell you...Stupid.


[Edited 9/11/07 20:16pm]

evenstar3 said:

Calligraphy said:

A long existing question I have had for some time. My recent conclusion...

yes, men and women can be friends.

However, if one or the other has any slight (more than friends) feelings, it usually seems to not work, in my case that is. This form of friendship seems unnatural and at times or more times that not you truly can not be your true self. What kind of friendship is that?

I know, for one person in my life I could not be "friends", even though I loved/love him very much, but even while I kept my distance... I always continued to wish him well. I felt there was no reason to express this to him, especially during this distant moment and even though I felt my friendship was/is important, it was just not healthy to assume "friendship" was ok, when my feelings exceeded far beyond any friendship relationship I had ever known. It was too painful to consider a friendship stance (even though I understood why).

Have the talk with this friend, dreadful but needed. If the other party refuses or denies to hear or accept reality... take the distant stance again. On a more drastic side (if time-out does not work)... take their numbers out of your phone... and all other forms of contact, delete it. I am a true believer... if anything is meant to be, it will be. In the meantime, life must go on.

Jealousy is never a good thing in any form of relationship, it is not healthy for no one. Sad but true.

~Hugs.

FreeSpirit said:

, indeed.

Distance: Well, that shouldn't be too difficult. She's far, far away in another part of the country.

The talk: Hmm. I'll see about that.

Calligraphy said:

Oh yes, by age 35, 40... enough of these games already.

FreeSpirit said:

Tell me about it.

Calligraphy said:

Well... perhaps not tonight.