I usually don't post here much but I really could use some advice for somebody's somebody.A friend of mine has a friend who lives with an extremely possessive,controlling guy.She initially moved in with him because he offered to help her out financially. He's apparently a well off spoiled younger man with anger and control issues.She didn't realise just to what extent until just recently.

He monitors who she talks to (calls every number on her cell phone bill to find out who they are and even cursed out her mother once),occasionally abused drugs and alcohol,shows violent tendencies and never lets her out of his sight.Even though he tries to make up for it with apologies and gifts, she wants to get out and get on with her life but doesn't see how this can happen.He's obsessed with her it seems.

Any and all advice anyone here can contribute for me to pass on is sincerely appreciated.Thanks in advance!

Get out and get out NOW. Happened to a friend of mine and trust me it got worse and worse and the pain got worse. They need to get out ASAP

GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW.


Seriously. And be careful.

Yes. Tell her to leave. Go somewhere. Anywhere. Get a restraining order if necessary and take all measures to keep him away. This guy will not suddenly change.

One third of all women who are murdered in this country are murdered by their husbands or boyfriens. It is a very serious issue.

There should be a crisis hotline she can call for support and referrals to community services. I would think there is a place she can go that is secret if she feels it necessary.

Best of luck...

Leave him, even if she has to move back home for a while. Leave him.

Thanks for the advice everybody. I know for a fact that my friend has told this girl to get out of there many times.Almost everyday apparently but she's too afraid I guess.Maybe I'll suggest to him that she reads this thread. Can anybody suggest any other sites to focus more on this type of thing? Thanks again!

Imago said:

Exactly. Get out now!!! I survived domestic violence. It will never get better. Abusers never take responsibility. A leopard never changes their spots. He will always be what he is.

Contact the victims services unit of your police department that deal with domestic violence. They can help her. They can be discreet and meet with her where she feels "safe" to talk. Tell her not to be afraid or ashamed. There is a way out, there are so many supports out there. Be there for your friend coz once she gets strong and starts to take the control back from him, then he will have lost the control.

And start a new chapter in her life.


Good luck

DROP THAT ZERO, AND GET YOU A HERO!

Imago said:

BINGO!!!!! Leave now!!!!

UPDATE

First off,on behalf of my friend and his friend,I want to express their gratitude for taking time to offer words of advice and encouragement.

From what I hear,she's ready to leave but isn't sure how to find an opening to do so. We've all done some searches online and found alot of helpful information but she's still afraid that this guy will find her or even threaten her family.Does anybody here know of a website or phone number to call that could maybe ensure their safety? This apparently is the only thing keeping her there for now.

Once again,thanks for any and all help!

I wish your friend of a friend the best...from experience with this sort of thing...get out now...as said above.....go now think later



You are so caring and nice

DifferentPsuedenum said:

i don't know where you live but here is a national one http://www.ndvh.org/help/index.html

luv4u said:

Excellent advice.

I'm sorry that you went through such a terrible situation as domestic violence, luv4u - but very glad to hear you survived it.

[That's in bad taste snip - luv4u]





[Edited 9/7/07 17:04pm]

horatio said:

ha ha ha

heybaby said: