Well, it's only really three pay-days until Christmas (if you get paid monthly like I do). It's already feeling autumnal here and the nights are drawing in earlier each evening.

And another year has passed me by.

It's 18 years since I had a week's holiday away from my hometown.

It's four years since I had a boyfriend.

It's five years since I moved into this flat on my own.

It's one year since I had to switch jobs due to my employer relocating.

It's 19 years since I left high school.

Its 21 years since I started smoking.

It's 17 years since I met the (unreciprocated) love of my life.

It's seven days since anybody phoned me.

It's 14 hours since I woke up this morning.

It's all just seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years.

Another year, hell another decade!. We'll be in the 10s before you know it

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I know. We;ll be 70 before we know it. I'm scared of getting older as I have no pension or savings. I'll probably have to work until I drop dead.

I'm not feeling too good today.

I really like you, Justin.


However, is there any time where you actually feel glad to be alive? I ask this because I went a long time not caring either way, and now that I DO enjoy the concept, however fleeting and microscopic its importance is, I'd appreciate it if those I cared about feel the same appreciation that I do nowadays.

Justin I demand you come to the Manchester party and slow waltz to 'Bob George' with me.

JDInteractive said:

You have a date Justin!

WHOA...slow down there...right now where I am at it is 90 degrees outside, my oldest daughter just went back to school Monday and the NFL regular season has not even started yet and it is still August.

JDInteractive said:

I'd love to come but I'm absolutely broke.

Justin1972UK said:

Come on the Friday at least.

2000 seems like, only yesterday.

Sorry if I came off cuntish. I just want to see you happy for a change! Time's flying, whee! Let's throw all our clocks out into the streets!

JDInteractive said:

This is a typical month...



I can't carry on like this.

Justin...

I still owe you that phonecall, I haven't forgotten. I really hope you're okay.

INSATIABLE said:

I you.

It's been four years since your last relationship. It's been never for mine. I spent so many years of my life with people who neither loved or truly cared for me SO in that aspect, I am jealous of you.

I know you're hurting Justin and I know I can't do anything about it from across the pond but I love you. I never, ever thought I would feel happy, even just recently as last month I thought about ending it all. I know joy is out there for you because I've found it.

CarrieMpls said:

You seriously made my day. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. And ditto, Dittums.

Justin1972UK said:

God do I know how you feel sometimes.


For me, the only thing that helps is going through the motions of a happy person, and self-control.

Seriously, I will go to public events, or kayaking or anything that folks normally do just to go through the motions of it. I'm not talking about work and paying the bills--I'm talking about going to a museaum, joining a meditation group, etc. etc. As forced and as uncomfortable as it is, it's better to be depressed and have an event filled day than to be depressed in your room. And I'm an expert at this my friend

As for your financial situation, how much of it boils down to self-control? Or are you sufficiently trapped no matter what? Would forcing yourself to find weekend employment for a short time doing odd jobs catch up up? As grueling and horrible as that sounds, it can also break you out of your depression just be sheer fact that you're always busy.

Justin I understand and i think that imago's advice is perfect. hold on sweetie

Imago said:

I've lived that life, with spurts or snippets of being a happy person mixed in, now I live somewhere in middle. But I think that quite a lot of people live that life.
[Edited 8/30/07 21:22pm]

Imago said:

Most days I don't have the bus fare to go anywhere outside of walking distance. I stopped going to the therapist I was seeing because it was costing me an extra £5.00 a week in bus fares. I tried walking home once but it took me two hours and twenty minutes.

Imago said:

I'm always too exhausted. I always oversleep and turn-up late for work on Monday to Friday. I'm probably going to get a written warning or something soon.

I just miss being able to go to friends' homes and just chatting about nothing whilst watching crap on the telly... Or just playing cards or Monopoly or something. All my friends are in relationships. Most are married with children.