Yesterday my ex made a real love declaration 2 me (we've been 2gether 4 one year & a half & broke on a common agreement 3 months ago, while remaining friends). She said she had given a lotta thoughts about us, that she loved me, that i was the one she wanted 2 b with, she had changed (& i know she has) & that she knew how i am & that she wanted 2 b with me despite the things that she couldn't accept b4, etc, etc. I've been loved b4 but i don't think i've heard such an intense & sincere declaration in my whole life.

& i said no.

I fucking said no!

She's brokenhearted & actually i'm too. Because i still have feelings 4 here, because i've been deeply touched by what she told me & i know she means it & maybe it could work.

But now i just wanna b alone. I don't wanna b in a relationship.

But she's there & i'd have one word 2 say 2 b with a girl who loves me as very few (if any) have loved me b4 & i still love her. But i think it's best 4 me 2 b alone now. My life is 2 much of a mess, i need 2 settle lotsa things b4 i can b with someone & anyway i ain't here 2 stay: in 2 years i'm leaving France (& she knows it.)

But since i left her yesterday i feel as brokenhearted as if i was the one who had been said "no" to. Part of me say "it's best" & part of me just wanna call her & say "yes."

4 the last 24 hours i've been feeling so bad, so brokenhearted. I've cried & cried. How can i say "no" 2 such a deep love from some one i love too, but in the same time how can i say "no" 2 my deep intuition that say "b alone".

I know nobody but myself can tell me what 2 do so i'm not asking that. Just ur thoughts about it. What do u think?

I think you did the right thing. It may hurt her right now but it is better than getting back with her only to break her heart three months from now. Be alone and if you decide you want to be with her and she is willing, then you can be with her when you are really ready.

Good luck.

shaomi said:

Why?

I can tell through your post,you're sad. You two should talk some more

i'm not a fan of going back. people tell you what they think you want to hear in order to get or stay in your good graces. soon or later old habits come back and your back where you started. nah you don't want or need that shit.

If you said no, you likely said it with a good reason...You know what you need in your life right now, feelings aside, it sounds like you made the decision you had to...

Let's make out.

I believe deep down you know what is best for you at this time.

shaomi said:

I am so sorry for you, shaomi .
Your situation really sucks, ain't nothing worse than having to decide between 2 options and none of them seems to be the right one that can make you happy . When your intuition, heart and mind tell you different ways to go it is so damn confusing . I don't really know what to advice to give you apart from tellling her how torn you feel and waiting a little longer to see if your feelings evolve into one direction or another .

i think it comes down to what you think you'll regret more in the end- taking the chance with her and possibly being hurt in the end, or letting it all go and maybe wondering what could've been.

Thanx 4 all ur comments & opinions y'all (particularly u, Erin )

24 days have passed since i posted this, so what happened?

I've thought about it 4 3 days & eventually i called her back & said "yes". It's been 3 weeks & things r ok. I'm not that much sure about my decision but since
1) i was sad 2 say no
2) i love her & she loves me
3) i certainly feel stronger with her by my side even if it sometimes make my life a bit more complicated
I decided it's better 2 give it a try. We'll c where it leads.

That was just so u'd know what happened

It's good to hear you are doing fine, Shaomi

Hope you're feeling much better, shaomi.

Actually yeah, i'm starting 2 feel better in general after a kinda depressive summer. I'm starting 2 know a bit more what i wanna do with my fuckin' life. this exodus 2 Marseille has been kinda harsh 4 the last year or so but now i'm feeling a bit less lost.

shaomi said:

Glad to hear it.

A big 2 y'all!