The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the
ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be
$9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into
his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks
the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a
salad," says the man. "Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your
pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered
me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put
my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as
long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with a big a$$ and long legs who agrees with everything I say."







Be careful what you wish for

Ugh, don't mention ostriches. For some reason I'm obsessed with the idea of riding one.

retina said:

I've got a mysterious photograph of nameless ancestors riding a cart being pulled by an ostrich. As far as I know, it was taken in Germany sometime in the 1920s or 30s. No other info. There's writing on the back with my last name.

This post was useless and I apologize.

INSATIABLE said:

Cool! Where was it taken?

I'm not talking about being pulled by an ostrich though, I'm talking about actually riding one! It would be so surreal to ride a bird. Apparently they let you do it in certain countries, I just have to figure out which ones.

retina said:

My Opa was born in Munich, so I'll assume there. He fled to Vancouver BC in the late '30s.

Ostriches frighten me. I don't know if I could handle sitting atop one.

INSATIABLE said:

Poor ostrich, that's a long way to pull a cart!

Nice choice by your grandpa though. Vancouver is gorgeous!



Oh come on, I thought you had a sense of adventure!

I like to eat them!

retina said:

GRRR.


Tell me about it. My father was born there and has dual citizenship, the asshole.


You got it! Give me a parachute and I'll jump off anything high enough, but put me in front of THIS?




*shudder* Seriously, I would sooner shriek, wet myself, and pass out. Even worse, I didn't realize my irrational fear of large birds until right this very moment.


That being said, the fear would add to the excitement.

INSATIABLE said:

It's settled then. You and me. Ostrich riding. Next year at the latest.

That's a terrible joke.

I like the wish though.

I think it should be:

"A Man Walks Into A Restaurant With A Full-Grown Ostrich Behind Him. Another man notices. They think the man who just walked in is fucking weird. No one talks to the freak with the ostrich. He dies alone."

I'm never sure which is the more evil - ostriches or goats

funkpill said:

Okay that was funny and cute


...but now I feel bad because I think I'm about to ruin your thread as I feel compelled to admit that I actually EAT ostrich.... imported from South Africa...on a pretty much weekly basis ...

and insofar at people with carnivorous tastes go...it tastes finer and more tender than ANY cut of steak on earth, or at the least is an equal rival to the finest meat cuts of Argentina and (almost!) the much heralded, 97catrillion bucks per lb/kg Kobe steak from Japan (but much leaner!)

...anyhow anyway and dmned well still...

my name is Ottensen and I have an addiction to Ostrich steaks

may the good lawd forgive me...

Ottensen said:

Dude, we're all carnivores - eat whatever meat you want. People's judgement is just idiotic social conformism and fear of the uncertainty of something not publicly deemed acceptable. Humans are weird like that.

here's my favourite joke:

A man walks into his bedroom with a duck under his arm. His wife's on the bed.

Man: "This is the pig i've been fucking"

Wife, completely shocked: "..that's not a pig, that's a duck?!..."

Man: "I wasn't talking to you"

LittleSmedley said:

superspaceboy said:

I'll go ahead and say it. That slit in the mouth looks like a vagina.

LittleSmedley said: