what i have learned


nothing will ever be the same

my sense of humor (what was left of it) is gone
any attempt at humor is a forced uncommitted mess

sadness everyday, and its all been a mere pre amble to the true mourning which is just beginning

i resent people i see with there parents

i am a lonely fool with a big crater where the heart once stood

god help me

Oh hon.... I don't know what to say...

i'm so sorry baby

shausler said:

I am sorry.
[Edited 8/14/07 15:59pm]

.....give yourself more time. It may never be the same, but memories bring smiles and happiness

Grieving takes time

shausler wish i could take ur pain away I know its hard all we can do is take one day at time 2 u

luv4u said:

It does, it takes a lot of time and yes things will never be the same. But some day it won't hurt as much as it does now and some day you will be able to laugh again. I thought myself that that day might never come as I felt so sad and desperate, but it did come. Stay strong, things will get better .

Very few things in life hurt as deeply as the loss of a parent, and while it is said that "time heals all wounds", NOTHING is said about the scar that wound leaves behind.

Shausler

4 Months...it just happened.

Losing a member of one's immediate family is one of the hardest things a human being can endure. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts, no solutions. All you can do is keep in mind that she would have wanted you to find happiness again. Of course happiness can never be switched on at will just like that, but if you can feel it coming, don't push it away. Sometimes we feel like we betray the deceased if we feel anything other than sorrow, but that is almost opposite of the truth.

I have no words..but I have a and an ear to listen if you need it.

Shausler. Fuck...I don't know what to say.

Be safe. Time heals.

Steve, you will regain yourself. You will. 4 months is nothing in the amount of time you will need to be able to deal with this. About a year after my cousin was murdered one day I was at lunch and I felt fine and I ordered my food and when I stuck my fork into the spanish rice on my plate I burst into instant tears. My cousin Lisa took over making the rice at family functions and seeing the rice that day just reminded me of her and the loss our family had. You are going to cry for some time to come. It's normal my friend. You will become yourself again, although changed from your experience.

Keep your head up my friend. You are one of the most beautiful humans I have ever known. the world would lose so much if you allowed yourself to lose you. It's a process and you are in the middle of the hardest part. It's just too fresh to have any other perspective but loss and pain. I love you my friend
[Edited 8/14/07 16:25pm]

Four months. It's okay to feel the way you do. You're doing great--just never forget about your beautiful family: your wife. Your daughter. Your son. You're never alone, Stevie.

Plus, you've always got us.

Call me if you need...


you have to go through the process of grief. No one can truly escape it.

Your mother is with you.

The incredible thing is that you're stronger than you know. You will survive. You will move forward. You have to know that you WILL miss her and that's ok. I still talk about my mom all the time like she's alive and well. If you don't want to hear about her....keep it movin' because this is about my healin'....yanno. Love on her...cry over her...laugh over her...its all ok.

And because I am a Jesus Freak.......the most powerful thing that helped me is knowing that God knew this would occur and gave his two thumbs up. This told me that he knew I would be fine, perserve, and survive. That's powerful to me. What kept me moving forward is KNOWING I will be fine. I still have my "momma moments" when I just want to hear her voice one more time but it does get better.



The feelings are geninue but know you have love all around you.

love you!!!!

shausler said:

God is with you. Your mom is with you.

Just go through it.....

I know what you're going through....

Rhondab said:

You're so right. My Oma (grandmother) is immortal as long as I keep her in my thoughts. Seriously, I feel her near me as much as she was before. It's incredible, the boundaries people create for "reality": she's real, no matter what any scientist or evangelist thinks! She's still alive inside the family.

shausler said:

Aw, man! If you were here, I'd hug you every second of the day. That hurts just thinking about it. Here's a few tears for you I wish I could truly share near you. Get better. Please do. Now, here's a hug for you.

shausler said:

thanks

i know this

i dont want the hurt to subside for it keeps me close to her

it is just so umbelievable cruel how it all happened

and so quick


the pain keeps me close

the tears keep me from numbness



i so appreciate all of your words for they are not lost on me in the slightest


i realize that as someones signature says, its just a website but

i love respect and value all of you
[Edited 8/14/07 18:27pm]

There is nothing much more that I can add which hasn't already been said on this thread.

But I will reiterate others' comments that the most important things you can do is allow yourself to experience the unavoidable sadness and sense of loss -- let yourself mourn, let the tears flow when you feel the need...but yet still make efforts to incorporate life-affirming, joyous activities into your days, as well. And as retina wisely said, when you feel that happiness or like laughing or smiling, let that come, too.

Let your friends and those who care about you help you through this difficult time. Talk to them about your mother. Tell them all about her.


[Edited 8/14/07 18:38pm]

Very powerful word shausler.
I have yet to experience this kind of loss, so as always, I falter to find the right words of comfort.

You're a very special person, and it pains me to know you're feeling darkness. I can only offer you this silly emoticon and I know that is not enough.

You're in my prayers.

shausler said:

[Edited 8/14/07 18:47pm]

Check your orgnotes, honey.

I feel bad about your pain. You must have been extremely close.

My dad has been gone since Thanksgiving a couple years ago, and like Supa said, four months isn't alot in terms of healing. You will still think about her years from now, but the pain will hopefully be less and you will remember all the good times.

It does get better.