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Imago said: CarrieMpls said: Same! They do not get another date.  I'm a perfect gentlemen to wait staff 
 I noticed that.
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This isn't really a date though. It's a one-night-stand. 
God, there should be a thread about those, because I've only ever had one real "date" in my lifetime actually. [/quote]
how did that go, then. out with it, even if it was unremarkable. small circles, big wheels!
I've got a pretty firm grip on the obvious! | |
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CalhounSq said: chocolate1 said: He asked if I wanted popcorn or anything, but like a mother asks a kid she's trying to discourage from touching a stove: "U don't popcorn do U?
 "
I didn't, so I said, "No." As soon as the theater was dark, this fool pulled fried chicken and white bread in foil out of his pocket!  I felt like the whole theater smelled like a box lunch! 
After the movie, he left the bones all over the floor! 
 laughing my muthafuckin ass OFF! Pure comedy!!!!! MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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all those ones that didn't end in any 
 | |
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Well, it began with a conversation that preceded the actual date... a conversation during which she (and, let it be known that "she" was breathtaking) maligned a certain favorite singer's singing ability. I should have followed my instincts on that one.
Then, there was the movie. She felt M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable" was sophomoric and convoluted. I thought it was wonderful... Then, came the realization that she wasn't the brightest bulb...  | |
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karmatornado said: Rightly said: now that'd b a helluvastory! AH yes the memorable horrid blind date on Valentines day. It starts when I pick her up, this broad is just lacking any sense of class. She orders pretty much everything expensive on the menu, steak, shrimp, whatever you name it, and is totally a bitch to the waitress who is a sweetheart. I leave a 20 dollar tip on the table and get up to go to the bathroom and when I come back I notice that the shit is missing, and I am like wtf, so I ask where the hell is the tip and the broad is like she didn't deserve the tip and said she picked it up and I was like so you were gonna keep the 20 for yourself? I argue and she puts it back. I take her back to her home seething in anger but hell I need to get laid so I decide to go for it. Its getting hot and heavy when I notice this bitch has a tatoo on her foot that says Mice. I look at her and ask her what the fuck is mice. She looks at me and said that her ex boyfriends name was Micheal and that the tatoo hurt when she was getting it put on so she just told the artist to spell Mike. But he was already at C so he just spelled mice! lol So I even overlook that and am trying to get some and as we are kissing the whore burps in my mouth! I decide to then run my ass to my car as fast as I can! Worst date ever! | |
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I've never been on a date.  | |
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Calligraphy said: Well, it began with a conversation that preceded the actual date... a conversation during which she (and, let it be known that "she" was breathtaking) maligned a certain favorite singer's singing ability. I should have followed my instincts on that one.
Then, there was the movie. She felt M. Night Shyamalan's "Unbreakable" was sophomoric and convoluted. I thought it was wonderful... Then, came the realization that she wasn't the brightest bulb...  | |
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karmatornado said: Rightly said: now that'd b a helluvastory! AH yes the memorable horrid blind date on Valentines day. It starts when I pick her up, this broad is just lacking any sense of class. She orders pretty much everything expensive on the menu, steak, shrimp, whatever you name it, and is totally a bitch to the waitress who is a sweetheart. I leave a 20 dollar tip on the table and get up to go to the bathroom and when I come back I notice that the shit is missing, and I am like wtf, so I ask where the hell is the tip and the broad is like she didn't deserve the tip and said she picked it up and I was like so you were gonna keep the 20 for yourself? I argue and she puts it back. I take her back to her home seething in anger but hell I need to get laid so I decide to go for it. Its getting hot and heavy when I notice this bitch has a tatoo on her foot that says Mice. I look at her and ask her what the fuck is mice. She looks at me and said that her ex boyfriends name was Micheal and that the tatoo hurt when she was getting it put on so she just told the artist to spell Mike. But he was already at C so he just spelled mice! lol So I even overlook that and am trying to get some and as we are kissing the whore burps in my mouth! I decide to then run my ass to my car as fast as I can! Worst date ever! | |
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karmatornado said: Rightly said: now that'd b a helluvastory! AH yes the memorable horrid blind date on Valentines day. It starts when I pick her up, this broad is just lacking any sense of class. She orders pretty much everything expensive on the menu, steak, shrimp, whatever you name it, and is totally a bitch to the waitress who is a sweetheart. I leave a 20 dollar tip on the table and get up to go to the bathroom and when I come back I notice that the shit is missing, and I am like wtf, so I ask where the hell is the tip and the broad is like she didn't deserve the tip and said she picked it up and I was like so you were gonna keep the 20 for yourself? I argue and she puts it back. I take her back to her home seething in anger but hell I need to get laid so I decide to go for it. Its getting hot and heavy when I notice this bitch has a tatoo on her foot that says Mice. I look at her and ask her what the fuck is mice. She looks at me and said that her ex boyfriends name was Micheal and that the tatoo hurt when she was getting it put on so she just told the artist to spell Mike. But he was already at C so he just spelled mice! lol So I even overlook that and am trying to get some and as we are kissing the whore burps in my mouth! I decide to then run my ass to my car as fast as I can! Worst date ever! DUDE!!! LMFAO!!!
Now THAT is some funny shit!! I think I would've given up on the fairer sex for a minute after that fiasco..... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above... 
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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Alright guys, this one's not for the kids so tread lightly. I'd been going out with this girl for awhile, she was a kinky broad with real problems and I loved it because I have problems too. So we'd sit around all day and all night just laughing about all the things that were wrong with us and it felt good. For once in my life things felt good.
Well anyway, one night I took her out to see a movie, which one isn't important because we spent the whole time making popcorn people out of some toothpicks we snuck into the theater. This got her massively turned on, and before long we were back in my bed, touching tongues and she even let me squeeze her plumps for the first time. Soon, though, she started thrashing around and acting abusive, taking bites out of whatever was available and headbutting walls. I was afraid. I tried to run from the room, but it was in vain. She had me cornered, and I thought it might be the end, when suddenly to my surprise She did the mash She did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash She did the mash It caught on in a flash She did the mash She did the monster mash From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes They did the mash They did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They did the mash It caught on in a flash They did the mash They did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolf Man Dracula and his son The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds The coffin-bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five" They played the mash They played the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flash They played the mash They played the monster mash Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid and shook his fist And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" It's now the mash It's now the monster mash The monster mash And it's a graveyard smash It's now the mash It's caught on in a flash It's now the mash It's now the monster mash Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you Then you can mash Then you can monster mash The monster mash And do my graveyard smash Then you can mash You'll catch on in a flash Then you can mash Then you can monster mash ~ I'D BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR ~
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HobbesLeCute said: Alright guys, this one's not for the kids so tread lightly. I'd been going out with this girl for awhile, she was a kinky broad with real problems and I loved it because I have problems too. So we'd sit around all day and all night just laughing about all the things that were wrong with us and it felt good. For once in my life things felt good.
Well anyway, one night I took her out to see a movie, which one isn't important because we spent the whole time making popcorn people out of some toothpicks we snuck into the theater. This got her massively turned on, and before long we were back in my bed, touching tongues and she even let me squeeze her plumps for the first time. Soon, though, she started thrashing around and acting abusive, taking bites out of whatever was available and headbutting walls. I was afraid. I tried to run from the room, but it was in vain. She had me cornered, and I thought it might be the end, when suddenly to my surprise She did the mash She did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash She did the mash It caught on in a flash She did the mash She did the monster mash From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes They did the mash They did the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They did the mash It caught on in a flash They did the mash They did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolf Man Dracula and his son The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds The coffin-bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five" They played the mash They played the monster mash The monster mash It was a graveyard smash They played the mash It caught on in a flash They played the mash They played the monster mash Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing He opened the lid and shook his fist And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" It's now the mash It's now the monster mash The monster mash And it's a graveyard smash It's now the mash It's caught on in a flash It's now the mash It's now the monster mash Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you Then you can mash Then you can monster mash The monster mash And do my graveyard smash Then you can mash You'll catch on in a flash Then you can mash Then you can monster mash Weirdest. Post. Ever. | |
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JustErin said: PreacherMan said: You laugh and I laugh...but I actually did go back.  | |
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mdiver said: beret1022 said: Yeah right. Sorry, but I'm happily married...and your the only retard around... OOOOOKKKKK so let me get this straight...you get to call this guy a typical male thereby insinuating that as a typical male that means that most or all men are like that, in effect he is typical or representative of men, and its me that is the retard? So i guess given you are married then you either accept that you married a man that acts like that OR you accept that not all men are like that. So which is it? Or are we gonna resort to calling people retards again? mdiver! As you did for me I'm stepping in. Leave the society's ignorant cunts to figure out their own problems. | |
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Spookymuffin said: mdiver said: OOOOOKKKKK so let me get this straight...you get to call this guy a typical male thereby insinuating that as a typical male that means that most or all men are like that, in effect he is typical or representative of men, and its me that is the retard? So i guess given you are married then you either accept that you married a man that acts like that OR you accept that not all men are like that. So which is it? Or are we gonna resort to calling people retards again? mdiver! As you did for me I'm stepping in. Leave the society's ignorant cunts to figure out their own problems. Thanks bro 
As it goes she scuttled off so  | |
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mdiver said: Spookymuffin said: mdiver! As you did for me I'm stepping in. Leave the society's ignorant cunts to figure out their own problems. Thanks bro
As it goes she scuttled off so No problem. So during my worst date I had diarrhea. | |
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Spookymuffin said: mdiver said: Thanks bro
As it goes she scuttled off so No problem. So during my worst date I had diarrhea. MAn that is bad.....not so much a date but i was once on a corporate years ago and we ended up in a lap dancing club...got a one on one with this girl in a private booth. Well there were 2 of us in there and lets just say someone farted and it wasnt me | |
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chocolate1 said: INSATIABLE said: Aight. 
I survived three months of waitressing and let me say that it would take wait staff's PHYSICAL abuse on my body to consider not tipping at least 20% and/or getting over the fact that they're busy or aren't in the best of moods. I am seriously a waiter's wet dream. Abuse me and I'll still be big tippin'.  A waiter/waitress has to practically slap me to get a bad tip! I do NOT tip below 20%. I've never waitressed, but I can imagine how tough it is.
I can only think of one really bitchy chick in Atlantic City who got $1.00 after a dinner meal for 4 people because she was THAT BAD.  I dated/lived with an ex cab-driver for four years, that taught me all about tipping - also made me realise that I'd been a cheapskate to waiters/waitresses people before. To this day I don't even bother going out if I know I can't also make a proper tip, even if it's just down the local pub. Maybe I should say ESPECIALLY then cos these people remember you and I NEED to tip cos I root for the wrong  team too. | |
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hmm. i guess it'd be when my (now ex) boyfriend took me to a prince show, but decided to pick a fight with me on the way there and act like a prissy asshole the whole time so i was miserable and crying most of the show. that was an AWESOME date. | |
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evenstar3 said: hmm. i guess it'd be when my (now ex) boyfriend took me to a prince show, but decided to pick a fight with me on the way there and act like a prissy asshole the whole time so i was miserable and crying most of the show. that was an AWESOME date.
wtf. | |
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mdiver said: Spookymuffin said: No problem. So during my worst date I had diarrhea. MAn that is bad.....not so much a date but i was once on a corporate years ago and we ended up in a lap dancing club...got a one on one with this girl in a private booth. Well there were 2 of us in there and lets just say someone farted and it wasnt me disgusting. | |
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Spookymuffin said: evenstar3 said: hmm. i guess it'd be when my (now ex) boyfriend took me to a prince show, but decided to pick a fight with me on the way there and act like a prissy asshole the whole time so i was miserable and crying most of the show. that was an AWESOME date.
wtf. Don't make out it wasnt you.....asshole | |
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mdiver said: Spookymuffin said: wtf. Don't make out it wasnt you.....asshole 
I also beat up the bitch too. | |
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Spookymuffin said: mdiver said: Don't make out it wasnt you.....asshole
I also beat up the bitch too. Well, lets be honest she has got one of those faces you wanna slap, a bit like Sir Cliff Richard | |
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mdiver said: Spookymuffin said:
I also beat up the bitch too. Well, lets be honest she has got one of those faces you wanna slap, a bit like Sir Cliff Richard  oh dear, laughing out loud at work.
I hate Cliff! | |
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Spookymuffin said: evenstar3 said: hmm. i guess it'd be when my (now ex) boyfriend took me to a prince show, but decided to pick a fight with me on the way there and act like a prissy asshole the whole time so i was miserable and crying most of the show. that was an AWESOME date.
wtf. yeah, basically. | |
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mdiver said: Well, lets be honest she has got one of those faces you wanna slap
| |
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Spookymuffin said: mdiver said: Well, lets be honest she has got one of those faces you wanna slap, a bit like Sir Cliff Richard oh dear, laughing out loud at work.
I hate Cliff! If there is one regret i have in this life it is that i didnt punch him when i had the chance | |
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mdiver said: Spookymuffin said: oh dear, laughing out loud at work.
I hate Cliff! If there is one regret i have in this life it is that i didnt punch him when i had the chance you met him?
I would've pressed a pentagram into his forehead. | |
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Spookymuffin said: mdiver said: If there is one regret i have in this life it is that i didnt punch him when i had the chance you met him?
I would've pressed a pentagram into his forehead. I think he's cursed, everytime I hear Mistletoe and Wine something bad happens. | |
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