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PrintableLothan said: Yes but then cut that person off completely. If that person is in love with you and you don't feel the same way, just leave that person alone.
not as easy as it may sound.....especially if said person won't go quietly into that good night.....and dovetailing off of Carrie's thread, if the person is a friend, part of you tries to exist in one world and desist in the other.....like all things, there are two sides.... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above... 
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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TotalANXiousNESS said: Lothan said: 
Give me the truth over a lie anyday. Don't spare my feelings and I am not really good at getting a hint. Someone sugarcoating shit has hurt me immensely over these last couple of years. 
This is me. Same thing. I didn't take a hint either. And I was sent total mixed signals. For a long period of time. A lot of hurt on my end could have been avoided if this person would have been honest from the get. 
People in general are assholes. | |
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reneGade20 said: Lothan said: Yes but then cut that person off completely. If that person is in love with you and you don't feel the same way, just leave that person alone.
not as easy as it may sound.....especially if said person won't go quietly into that good night.....and dovetailing off of Carrie's thread, if the person is a friend, part of you tries to exist in one world and desist in the other.....like all things, there are two sides.... 
Who really cares if the person won't go quietly? In the end, the truth is still the truth and not being straighforward with the person is leading them on, in my honest opinion. | |
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reneGade20 said: Lothan said: Yes but then cut that person off completely. If that person is in love with you and you don't feel the same way, just leave that person alone.
not as easy as it may sound.....especially if said person won't go quietly into that good night.....and dovetailing off of Carrie's thread, if the person is a friend, part of you tries to exist in one world and desist in the other.....like all things, there are two sides.... Yeah. If its a situation where one person has strong romantic feelings, and the other only has friendly feelings. Thats GREAT if the one TELLS the person JUST FRIENDS...NOTHING else. If the other person won't stop trying to make it more, then you end it. But I'm talking about the push and pull shit. One minute you want me, the next you don't. That fucks with someones head, and it's not fair. I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies Whats it all worth only the heart can measure It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside | |
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Lothan said: I used to have a friend I was in love with for years but I knew he was not in love back. I had to make the decision to end those types of feelings for him or not be in his life at all. In the end, he turned out to be an asshole and we're not speaking anymore.
Who really cares if the person won't go quietly? In the end, the truth is still the truth and not being straighforward with the person is leading them on, in my honest opinion. definitely agreed.....but consider the position if he had been straightforward, and you chose to stay? In spite of his best efforts....nicely stated, yelled, ignored.....whatever/however.....you stay.....is he still the asshole? thats the perspective I'm viewing it from..... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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reneGade20 said: Lothan said: I used to have a friend I was in love with for years but I knew he was not in love back. I had to make the decision to end those types of feelings for him or not be in his life at all. In the end, he turned out to be an asshole and we're not speaking anymore.
Who really cares if the person won't go quietly? In the end, the truth is still the truth and not being straighforward with the person is leading them on, in my honest opinion. definitely agreed.....but consider the position if he had been straightforward, and you chose to stay? In spite of his best efforts....nicely stated, yelled, ignored.....whatever/however.....you stay.....is he still the asshole? thats the perspective I'm viewing it from..... He was an asshole later for something that had nothing to do with my feelings for him. BUT I will say that I have had people lie to me when being straightforward would have spared my feelings. Even when I got the "truth" I didn't get all of it so it still hurts to this day. | |
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TotalANXiousNESS said: reneGade20 said: not as easy as it may sound.....especially if said person won't go quietly into that good night.....and dovetailing off of Carrie's thread, if the person is a friend, part of you tries to exist in one world and desist in the other.....like all things, there are two sides.... Yeah. If its a situation where one person has strong romantic feelings, and the other only has friendly feelings. Thats GREAT if the one TELLS the person JUST FRIENDS...NOTHING else. If the other person won't stop trying to make it more, then you end it. But I'm talking about the push and pull shit. One minute you want me, the next you don't. That fucks with someones head, and it's not fair. Yes, It isnt fair, some ppl thrive on it, cos they know you are gonna be there for them. But best to leave them to their own little games and move on I say. if sexy was a colour it would be red  | |
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REDBABY said: TotalANXiousNESS said: Yeah. If its a situation where one person has strong romantic feelings, and the other only has friendly feelings. Thats GREAT if the one TELLS the person JUST FRIENDS...NOTHING else. If the other person won't stop trying to make it more, then you end it. But I'm talking about the push and pull shit. One minute you want me, the next you don't. That fucks with someones head, and it's not fair. Yes, It isnt fair, some ppl thrive on it, cos they know you are gonna be there for them. But best to leave them to their own little games and move on I say. Yeah well, the moving on is the part I'm having a problem with. Because I just don't understand. It's not sinking in. I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies Whats it all worth only the heart can measure It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside | |
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TotalANXiousNESS said: REDBABY said: Yes, It isnt fair, some ppl thrive on it, cos they know you are gonna be there for them. But best to leave them to their own little games and move on I say. Yeah well, the moving on is the part I'm having a problem with. Because I just don't understand. It's not sinking in. Mind games arent meant to be understood.. if sexy was a colour it would be red | |
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Lothan said: The thing is he was straightforward and I did choose to stay.
He was an asshole later for something that had nothing to do with my feelings for him. BUT I will say that I have had people lie to me when being straightforward would have spared my feelings. Even when I got the "truth" I didn't get all of it so it still hurts to this day.  been there and on both sides of the coin..... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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reneGade20 said: Lothan said: The thing is he was straightforward and I did choose to stay.
He was an asshole later for something that had nothing to do with my feelings for him. BUT I will say that I have had people lie to me when being straightforward would have spared my feelings. Even when I got the "truth" I didn't get all of it so it still hurts to this day. been there and on both sides of the coin..... | |
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Lothan said: reneGade20 said: been there and on both sides of the coin..... I'm glad.....I'm finishing up repairs on what I almost wrecked, and the true test of our efforts will be when I get home from here.....its gonna be good...got a feeling.... He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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Why aren't we straightforward?
Because we're inherently afraid of rejection of our self-validated feelings. I'm pretty straightforward, and there are problems that come with that as well.  | |
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gemini13 said: Why aren't we straightforward?
What do you mean by this?Because we're inherently afraid of rejection of our self-validated feelings. I'm pretty straightforward, and there are problems that come with that as well. | |
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Lothan said: gemini13 said: Why aren't we straightforward?
What do you mean by this?Because we're inherently afraid of rejection of our self-validated feelings. I'm pretty straightforward, and there are problems that come with that as well. Well, we don't want to put it out there because what we feel about ourselves might not be what others think of us. | |
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gemini13 said: Lothan said: What do you mean by this?
Well, we don't want to put it out there because what we feel about ourselves might not be what others think of us. But immediately you are putting yourself in a no win situation. I would rather be honest with my feelings and get told honestly if they are reciprocated. Those who mess about and cant be real, well really whats the point? I prefer real people who take risks than those too scared to show emotion and open up. if sexy was a colour it would be red | |
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This thread's fucking awful.  | |
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Spookymuffin said: This thread's fucking awful.
 tell it straight! 
(only cos you just posted on it.. )  if sexy was a colour it would be red | |
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REDBABY said: Spookymuffin said: This thread's fucking awful.
tell it straight!
(only cos you just posted on it.. )   | |
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REDBABY said: gemini13 said: Well, we don't want to put it out there because what we feel about ourselves might not be what others think of us. But immediately you are putting yourself in a no win situation. I would rather be honest with my feelings and get told honestly if they are reciprocated. Those who mess about and cant be real, well really whats the point? I prefer real people who take risks than those too scared to show emotion and open up. When I said "we", I wasn't including me really. I try to be as honest as possible, but it comes across badly a lot of the time. | |
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gemini13 said: REDBABY said: But immediately you are putting yourself in a no win situation. I would rather be honest with my feelings and get told honestly if they are reciprocated. Those who mess about and cant be real, well really whats the point? I prefer real people who take risks than those too scared to show emotion and open up. When I said "we", I wasn't including me really. I try to be as honest as possible, but it comes across badly a lot of the time. I know. lol.. when I say "you", I mean you (people) generally if sexy was a colour it would be red | |
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Spookymuffin said: REDBABY said: tell it straight!
(only cos you just posted on it.. )  if sexy was a colour it would be red | |
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I really have nothing to go on here except for ONE situation, because I am pretty inexperienced. I got married young and I can only go on the one experience I had where I was fucked with.
I was very honest about my feelings. And my feelings were very obvious anyway. I was like a school girl about the whole thing. So I can't be blamed for not being straight forward. The other person did tell me that some things honestly. But would then turn around and act out in a totally different manner and really did lead me on. Then would turn around and say don't fall for me. Then would turn around and say tell me about how much you like me. Then turn around and say, we shouldn't talk anymore. Then call me the next day. Then say we should stay friends for a while. Then say tell me when your divorced. It just goes on and on..... what about that type of situation? I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies Whats it all worth only the heart can measure It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside | |
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TotalANXiousNESS said: I really have nothing to go on here except for ONE situation, because I am pretty inexperienced. I got married young and I can only go on the one experience I had where I was fucked with.
I was very honest about my feelings. And my feelings were very obvious anyway. I was like a school girl about the whole thing. So I can't be blamed for not being straight forward. The other person did tell me that some things honestly. But would then turn around and act out in a totally different manner and really did lead me on. Then would turn around and say don't fall for me. Then would turn around and say tell me about how much you like me. Then turn around and say, we shouldn't talk anymore. Then call me the next day. Then say we should stay friends for a while. Then say tell me when your divorced. It just goes on and on..... what about that type of situation? I've had something similar, where one moment they are saying it's not meant to be and a week later telling me how much they care about me. It's frustrating and confusing to say the least. In the end, it didn't come from a place of ill intention, and I'm able to see that (as the person truly DID care about me) but it totally fucks with someone all the same. So in the future, if you care about someone, but obviously not in the same way they do you, the best you can do is make that clear and honestly leave them alone. The compassionate thing to do is let them go altogether. For a while at least. And never stop being clear. The pull someone closer and push them away again thing ends up being cruel and selfish in the end, regardless of good intentions. |
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CarrieMpls said: TotalANXiousNESS said: I really have nothing to go on here except for ONE situation, because I am pretty inexperienced. I got married young and I can only go on the one experience I had where I was fucked with.
I was very honest about my feelings. And my feelings were very obvious anyway. I was like a school girl about the whole thing. So I can't be blamed for not being straight forward. The other person did tell me that some things honestly. But would then turn around and act out in a totally different manner and really did lead me on. Then would turn around and say don't fall for me. Then would turn around and say tell me about how much you like me. Then turn around and say, we shouldn't talk anymore. Then call me the next day. Then say we should stay friends for a while. Then say tell me when your divorced. It just goes on and on..... what about that type of situation? I've had something similar, where one moment they are saying it's not meant to be and a week later telling me how much they care about me. It's frustrating and confusing to say the least. In the end, it didn't come from a place of ill intention, and I'm able to see that (as the person truly DID care about me) but it totally fucks with someone all the same. So in the future, if you care about someone, but obviously not in the same way they do you, the best you can do is make that clear and honestly leave them alone. The compassionate thing to do is let them go altogether. For a while at least. And never stop being clear. The pull someone closer and push them away again thing ends up being cruel and selfish in the end, regardless of good intentions.  | |
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CarrieMpls said: TotalANXiousNESS said: I really have nothing to go on here except for ONE situation, because I am pretty inexperienced. I got married young and I can only go on the one experience I had where I was fucked with.
I was very honest about my feelings. And my feelings were very obvious anyway. I was like a school girl about the whole thing. So I can't be blamed for not being straight forward. The other person did tell me that some things honestly. But would then turn around and act out in a totally different manner and really did lead me on. Then would turn around and say don't fall for me. Then would turn around and say tell me about how much you like me. Then turn around and say, we shouldn't talk anymore. Then call me the next day. Then say we should stay friends for a while. Then say tell me when your divorced. It just goes on and on..... what about that type of situation? I've had something similar, where one moment they are saying it's not meant to be and a week later telling me how much they care about me. It's frustrating and confusing to say the least. In the end, it didn't come from a place of ill intention, and I'm able to see that (as the person truly DID care about me) but it totally fucks with someone all the same. So in the future, if you care about someone, but obviously not in the same way they do you, the best you can do is make that clear and honestly leave them alone. The compassionate thing to do is let them go altogether. For a while at least. And never stop being clear. The pull someone closer and push them away again thing ends up being cruel and selfish in the end, regardless of good intentions. So very true Carrie if sexy was a colour it would be red | |
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CarrieMpls said: TotalANXiousNESS said: I really have nothing to go on here except for ONE situation, because I am pretty inexperienced. I got married young and I can only go on the one experience I had where I was fucked with.
I was very honest about my feelings. And my feelings were very obvious anyway. I was like a school girl about the whole thing. So I can't be blamed for not being straight forward. The other person did tell me that some things honestly. But would then turn around and act out in a totally different manner and really did lead me on. Then would turn around and say don't fall for me. Then would turn around and say tell me about how much you like me. Then turn around and say, we shouldn't talk anymore. Then call me the next day. Then say we should stay friends for a while. Then say tell me when your divorced. It just goes on and on..... what about that type of situation? I've had something similar, where one moment they are saying it's not meant to be and a week later telling me how much they care about me. It's frustrating and confusing to say the least. In the end, it didn't come from a place of ill intention, and I'm able to see that (as the person truly DID care about me) but it totally fucks with someone all the same. So in the future, if you care about someone, but obviously not in the same way they do you, the best you can do is make that clear and honestly leave them alone. The compassionate thing to do is let them go altogether. For a while at least. And never stop being clear. The pull someone closer and push them away again thing ends up being cruel and selfish in the end, regardless of good intentions. Yes. This person I think did care about me, and is a good person with good intentions. But all the same. When we are sent mixed signals, all we are left with is the job of decoding what is actually going on in this signal senders head. I was coming up with "This guy really digs me but is just afraid of being hurt. That is why he can't seem to leave me alone and is having conflicting actions. Let me just show him that I'm not gonna hurt him and all will be good." What else was I supposed to think? In the end I'm left feeling bitter about the whole thing since the guy left me for dead. Like the wise Kelly Clarkson said I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well...
 I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies Whats it all worth only the heart can measure It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside | |
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TotalANXiousNESS said: CarrieMpls said: I've had something similar, where one moment they are saying it's not meant to be and a week later telling me how much they care about me. It's frustrating and confusing to say the least. In the end, it didn't come from a place of ill intention, and I'm able to see that (as the person truly DID care about me) but it totally fucks with someone all the same. So in the future, if you care about someone, but obviously not in the same way they do you, the best you can do is make that clear and honestly leave them alone. The compassionate thing to do is let them go altogether. For a while at least. And never stop being clear. The pull someone closer and push them away again thing ends up being cruel and selfish in the end, regardless of good intentions. Yes. This person I think did care about me, and is a good person with good intentions. But all the same. When we are sent mixed signals, all we are left with is the job of decoding what is actually going on in this signal senders head. I was coming up with "This guy really digs me but is just afraid of being hurt. That is why he can't seem to leave me alone and is having conflicting actions. Let me just show him that I'm not gonna hurt him and all will be good." What else was I supposed to think? In the end I'm left feeling bitter about the whole thing since the guy left me for dead. Like the wise Kelly Clarkson said I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well...
HAHAHA!! | |
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gemini13 said: TotalANXiousNESS said: Yes. This person I think did care about me, and is a good person with good intentions. But all the same. When we are sent mixed signals, all we are left with is the job of decoding what is actually going on in this signal senders head. I was coming up with "This guy really digs me but is just afraid of being hurt. That is why he can't seem to leave me alone and is having conflicting actions. Let me just show him that I'm not gonna hurt him and all will be good." What else was I supposed to think? In the end I'm left feeling bitter about the whole thing since the guy left me for dead. Like the wise Kelly Clarkson said I would never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well...
HAHAHA!!  
I hate this place. I had all intentions of doing my I love evry one thread but then I got sucked into this thread. I'm going to wash or scrub something. I've reached in darkness and come out with treasure
I layed down with love and I woke up with lies Whats it all worth only the heart can measure It's not whats in the mirror but what's left inside | |
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fear of getting hurt/fear of causing hurt | |
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