Whole Foods Markets' CEO John Mackey, it turns out, was a Yahoo troll. He worked the message board of his own company, pumping up Whole Foods and deriding its competitors (including one Whole Foods is trying to buy). Earlier this month, he was outed. Now, there are calls for his ouster.

If you're unfamiliar with Yahoo trolling, it is (was) 100 times as addictive as the org. You could create any number of IDs, and every Yahoo story had its own message board. You could troll any subject, any time, and absoultely nothing was off-limits.

In addition to the daily news story boards, there were permanent boards where trolls worked elaborate schemes on one another. It was not unheard-of for people to have 5 or 10 troll IDs going at one time, all in the name of making some other troll or innocent bystander cry.

Last year Yahoo totally deleted their news message boards. There are a few boards left, but they're hard to find and generally thinly populated. News story message boards had, in Yahoo's estimation, become obscene posting areas for maladjusted sociopaths and political loonies. I can't really disagree with them, but I hate them for deleting the boards.

I was one of the best trolls on Yahoo, if there is such a thing. I could take any side to any argument and generally drive the other guy nuts. I'm not sure if I should be proud of that, but my general rule was to make the other guy laugh, so I don't feel too bad.

One of the mean trolls' main objectives was to get your name and address and, if they struck the jackpot, your employer. Then they would try to get you "shitcanned for posting at work".

It appears John Mackey might ultimately get shitcanned for posting at work.

There was a lawyer who posted on the Finance boards (which are still active) under his real name. Someone tracked down his information, then posted his contact information on the board while calling out his manhood. The lawyer actually sued Yahoo over this, claiming he was being picked on. He may have had something to do with the boards getting shut down, although the Finance boards that caused him so much grief are still operating.

Another time, a guy serving on a jury posted info during the trial. The guy was a hard-right conservative, and the defendant in the trial was - naturally - a "liberal". The guy posted about how they were going to send him up the river, which they ultimately did.

However, one troll thought it was his civic duty to contact the defendant;s lawyer and tell him of these message boards posts. When the lawyer saw them, he immediately filed for a mistrial - and he got it. The judge was extremely harsh on the Yahoo troll/juror, although he did escape jail time. We never saw him online again, though.

I miss the Yahoo boards, but I am much more productive during the day. Unless I'm here, of course.

RodeoSchro said:

Of course you shouldn't. Why would you do such a pointless thing, wasting both your and the other person's time? It seems both mean-spirited and childish to me.

Uh oh!

retina said:

I was only mean to the nasty trolls. I never picked on innocent bystanders.

One of my favorite troll IDs was a representative of the Philadelphia branch of the NAACP. I would threaten anyone who posted racist things with prosecution under the Hate Crimes Act of 1993.

Then I would tell the racists that "we" could track their ISPs through agreements we had with Yahoo, AOL, Earthlink, etc. I would tell them that we would know who they were within 18 hours and would be at their door with a warrant within 36 hours.

Of course, the racists would not believe this - at first. But I was pretty good. I got a lot of racists to shut up and/or leave. It was fun making them sweat.

RodeoSchro said:

!!!!!

RodeoSchro said:

RodeoSchro said:

Okay fine, it still seems like a waste of time to me though since I don't think these people will ever change. You might scatter them for a while at best, but they'll always come back eventually. Friggin' psychos...

Another favorite character was a girl who worked in a deli and didn't have "good spell". But she had a heart of gold and it was funny to watch people come to her defense when she was raked over the coals for her apparent lack of education.

She might say something like this:





And if you were nice to her, she'd give you a "flowre":

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[Edited 7/25/07 15:14pm]

retina said:

You are sooooo niceeeee!!!!!1 Hear is a flowre just for U!!!!11

L!OL!LO!L!LOL!LO!

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I got my start on Finance boards - specifically, the Enron board. Wow, talk about a bunch of nuts. Problem was, if you felt that Enron was worthless and the stockholders would get nothing, the bottomfeeders who bought the stock after it crashed would accuse you of being a stock manipulator. Since they felt like your views were costing them money, they would get EXTREMELY nasty.

One such a-hole found out my name, etc. and posted it one day out of spite. I could handle that but then he said he was going to call my wife and tell her lies about things I'd (never) said I'd done.

That was the end of Finance boards for me. Proving Enron to be worthless just wasn't worth it.

why are you telling us all this? should we be worried you are trolling on the org too?

ZombieKitten said:

Exactly.

ZombieKitten said:

Cathartic, I guess. Plus, the story about the Whole Foods CEO actually being a troll is amazing, to me anyway.

No, I don't troll on the org. In fact, I will protect you from any trolls that might be so stupid to appear here.

RodeoSchro said:

Then obviously you are not doing a good job cuz there are buttloads of trolls here. You even tried to tell me that a person in P&R who is definately a troll, is not a troll.

Lothan said:

Who was that?

And for the record, let me define "troll". My definition might be a little more complex than most. To me, a troll is someone who uses multiple accounts to post messages and dominate threads for no reason other than to create misery. Oftentimes, a troll posts items 180 degrees from what they may truly believe but they do not care. All they want to do is make other people feel bad, start crying, and give up posting.

That's not to be confused with an a-hole. Some people are just pricks, but they are who they are. They use profane language and reveal personal things about others when they can, but they aren't pretending to be someone they are not.

ZombieKitten said:

Unless you are an evil cunt who robs investors of millions of dollars or a flat out racist, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about He's basically robin hooding Besides, he is way too smart to be one of the stupid ass trolls you see here at p.org

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Valid Point Supa!

RodeoSchro said:

So which one was Spats, I wonder?

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

LOL! I *loved* trolling on Yahoo. Especially going after the racists. I know many of them spent a sleepless night or two, waiting for the feds to show up at their door. Maybe I couldn't stop their racism outright, but I sure could make them uncomfortable.

I love talking here. I would never say anything to anyone that I did not believe or know to be untrue. That's not to say I'm never wrong; I'm sure I've screwed up more than my fair share of the time.