toots said:

huh?! who said anything about taking the child to a doctor???

you seem really angry. i did not mean to inflame you by expressing my opinion.

imo, alxnndr's ex sounds unbalanced, disturbed. she seems like the type who clings to her man long after all reasons for doing so have dissappeared into the cold light of reality. stalker city

anyway forgive me for putting in my 2c and for not reading your post.

i am reacting solely to the creator of this thread and in no way intend any of my remarks, comments or observations as a slur on your or your situation or relationship.

XxAxX said:

I am not angry, just trying to give people a bit more perspective of certain situations. We dont know if his ex does have a car, job, or other means of getting the child from place to another.ALOT is involved when a child is also conceived from a relationship(married or not).Main thing Im concerned about of the creator of this thread is THE CHILD involved(Im a mother myself!).

It also depends when the relationship ended so she cant just be considered a "stalker" by any means(8 years is a LONG time to know a person). Some take quite awhile to get over a relationship that some invested so much time in, and cant understand WHY its actually over. She needs time to understand and heal(you cant put a time limit on this sort of thing). Some take short amounts of time to get over that situation. It varies from person to person. She may need some theropy to understand as to why and the keys to get on with her life.

IMO, "unreasonable" demands like "Can you mow the yard for me?" YES that is unreasonable! (which DOES NOT include the child in any way). But, if she is working (by chance) and needs something done for the child, like taking him to the doctor, getting him school supplies/clothes, it isnt considered "unreasonable" by any way.It also depends on how and what they decide in court as well.

Hard to believe but parents CAN get along (socially) for the sake of the child!Even though "mommy and daddy" arent together anymore, they(the child) will see growing up that they ARE much happier living apart and have seperate lives(even if they remarry other people).

My ex's wife and I have a understanding( we have talked) and I told her that as long as my child is well taken care of in your and ex husbands home we wont have any problems between each other.SHE was the one that called me and told me that our daughter was in the hospital cause our daughter broke her ankle. He was in the room with our daughter while she was making the call(this was last year).

XxAxX said:

My hub's ex is what you would consider a stalker of sorts. Even though SHE is the one who ended their marriage by cheating on him with his best friend and subsequently having a baby with the best friend, while she and my husband were still married. She was bitching at me on the phone that I "stole their relationship", meaning she couldn't whine to him about how her current husband can't have kids because his plumbing is out of whack. Inappropriate, and has nothing to do with the child.

Being a woman embarrasses me at times, because I'm lumped in with these nutty, co-dependent broads who want their cake and want to eat it too. Mind boggling!

gemini13 said:

Gemini,

WOW!I had to read what you typed TWICE! I could not believe my eyes.She is claiming that you "stole their relationaship"! And she was the one that cheated on him while they were married AND having a child with! I have to ask, didnt she end it when she had the affair when she was married to your now current husband? IMHO, she did! Your right that is mind boggling!

I know not all relationships with parents that involve children arent like the kind I may have, some are and some aren't. Im just speaking from my experience is all.

Forgot to add to my post above you:
Not trying to start any arguements either. And when parents cant sort things out on their own involving the child(court wise) some parents go through a mediator(they do this in my state).

toots said:

Yup! Isn't that neat?

gemini13 said:

why do people always want to stay friends with their exes?

gemini13 said:

Yeah, very neat, NOT! &

toots said:

i see why this topic would strike a nerve for you. good luck resolving those issues!

XxAxX said:

Strike a nerve??? Resolving those issues???? I dont have them thanks to be exact. The state that I live in, when upon getting divorce, you HAVE TO take a parenting class( it is required) for the judge to sign the divorce papers, it gives you advice on how to be social with the child around(even when the other person is married/seeing someone else or not).

Your assumption about me is completely WRONG!

The creator of this thread WANTS to be in his childs life! Nothing wrong with that. What may work for some may not work for others. All Im giving is advice for him so he knows what to put in visitation papers when the time comes. This way noone can do the "he said,she said" bit, its all in writing and legal.



But yet you tell the creator of this thread to :

"were you married? it sounds like not
even if you had been married people change, and their minds change with them. when it's over it's over
it's not your fault. don't let her suck the life out of you
run like hell and don't look back"

Sounds like YOUR the one having issues(especially with the running part)! Maybe when you have children, you will understand what I am trying to say better.
[Edited 8/8/07 5:15am]

evenstar3 said:

Its not about "staying friends", its about being socialable(getting along on a minimal basis) for the child.