I'm sorry, i didn't read everything cuz i've had my nite with a friend of mine telling me 'bout her being raped a few hours ago.

All i can say (from what i read) is that my mom was a violent alcoolic too & she beat the ass outta me when i was a kid & she eventually died too & i did clean her fucking messy dirty alcoolic room & i did went 2 her fucking funeral but i surely didn't do it 4 her & i can understand u not doing anything of this: our parents gave us life but if they fucked it right after givin' it 2 us i don't think we owe anything 2 them.

Now we can 4give them or not. It ain't a choice, it's about being able 2 or not. the best we can do is being at peace with our past & keep living & giving love 2 others the way we would have loved our parents 2 love us.

I'm sorry 4 all this & i sincerly wish u the best & please 4give me if my post was unnapropriate
[Edited 7/22/07 20:41pm]

Teacher said:

Hey Jen.

I have experienced some parts of your story and want to remind you, not that I have to, I am sure, that this will always stay a part of you and that even after breaking contact, there will still be memories you will carry inside of you and that you will have to give a place in your future life.

There have been times I have run from the past, just to run head-first into it again further on in life. Just make sure you leave some reserve buffer to deal with all of that. Do not be afraid to tackle it, which I think I do not have to tell you, as you seem to have travelled partof the way several times already.

shaomi said:

No, not inappropriate at all. I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend too.

You are so right about not owing them anything, we didn't ask to be born. I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your mother, all of it. If you ever want to talk about it with somebody who's been there, feel free to orgnote me.

Teacher said:

Thank u, as 4 me i've been thru all this a long while ago so it's kinda far away & i'm at peace with both her life & death now . But feel free 2 orgnote or email me too if u want, i've been thru it b4 so i u need 2 share...

Much peace 2 u & as the other guy said... "live4love"
[Edited 7/22/07 20:54pm]

... ...

Why are fathers so stubborn and will only do what they want regardless of how much their children care and want them to look after themselves?

It may not seem like it now but you did the right thing by you.

It was clear that unfortunately things weren't likely to change so you took the first step to a better life.

I feel very sad for you and I hope things turn out OK.

I knew you had had a tough ride but I had no idea how tough. You are an amazing woman for coming through all that, and any time you need to write shite down, you do so and we will read it. I am not much good at chatting either but you know where I am anyway.

Hope the vent, and the responses, helped somewhat. Thanks for the read and insight into the lives of others. All I can say is that I am sorry.

BIG

I wish you peace and happiness

I'm so sorry.

Good for you for letting him go. It takes a lot of strength to do that.

I am so sorry, Jen. And, not completely, I know what it is like growing up under the shadow of an alcoholic parent. I am just so sorry you had to experience all that. You are a strong, amazing woman. And an inspiration to all of us.

Head up, darling!

HamsterHuey said:

Oh yes, I know this but reminders are always good. I ran for a very long time, until I couldn't any more - getting sick with depression effectively put a stop to that. Then I HAD to deal with it. As you say I've done part of the work a few times already and I knew this day would come eventually so I've been prepared for it...kinda. You can never prepare enough for cutting someone in your family off from you for the rest of their life though so that's why it hurts.
For good or bad, I am who and what I am at least partly because of him - even though when it comes to him I have always tried to be everything he's not.
Thank you.

And again, all of you, thank you for your kind words. I am very touched and they keep bringing forth tears but like I said before it's all good, I need to cry now. Much love to all of you

Teacher said:

Cryin' is sooo good in these moments. Cry 4 hours if u need 2, it heals

Darling, I am set for a busy day but I will read and respond later on

Alcoholics are so hard to be around....so emotionally draining, tears all the positive energy out of you, I know, I've been around them ...I wish U all the best for your life

Wishing good energy for your future Teacher...Take Care of yourself.
Ultimately, we only have ourselves in the end...if you're lucky enough and
have treated people kindly, you may have them too, but that's not a given,
it has to be earned.

This is the kind of tale that reminds me that I'm a very lucky person after all...

I wish you luck, peace and love
[Edited 7/23/07 15:00pm]

Honey, I hope you realize how important it is that you shared your story. There is so much there that little eyes should never have to see, but alas you did see them. I am so very proud of you for the gains you have made in your life since I have known you So so Proud! The fact that you have confronted your past like this, and the fact that you know you have a worth are seriously remarkable things.

Only you can decide the outcome of your relationship with your father. Only you can know what is truly right for your future, whether or not you see him again. That is up to you. But it is completely right for you to have made the determination you have. You have put everything into this so called relationship with nothing in return. If pain is the only thing that you will reap from continuing it, it is only right that you don't. Let nobody tell you otherwise.

Life is like a lottery, you cannot help who your family is and most often you don't hit the jackpot Just remember, friends are the family you choose. Many of us are grieved by our bloodsake, but that doesn't mean you can't have real family in your life.

I'm happy that you have sought to change the path of your life so that your niece may have an auntie worth calling an auntie. You have the power to help your sister and Tyra not to live the life you lived. Think of how beautiful it is that you have that power I love you baby and if you need to talk, you know I'm always here for ya

.
[Edited 7/23/07 15:44pm]

I quoted a song in my domestic abuse thread:


You were stealing me away from me
Nobody needed me anymore than me
And It's amazing how the tears fall
Water seeds that grow to be your strength to leave
Cuz I'm finally at the point
where I'm ready for the truth
and anything i do from here to make me happy
is up to me not you. Truth Hurts-"Catch 22"


Tears are water seeds that grow to be your strength to leave. Tears are not a sign of weakness, they are a sign of strength. It takes a strong person to be able to let go and feel their pain and crying is your body's ability to cleanse itself. Let your tears wash your pain away honey. There is nothing wrong with crying. Get it all out. You'll be much better off for doing so

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

That's a beautiful analysis.

I'm speachless.. I feel nothing but pride and joy for ppl who've overcome hardship in their lives and respect them from the bottom of my heart.. You are incredibly brave!

I've had some dad-issues, not as bad as yours, but issues anyway... And I think that I can call him father now for the second time in my life.. It's a long story though..

It's inspirational to read these kinds of stories.. The org is an amazing place full of amazing ppl..

I wish you so much happiness..

I am so sorry for all that you've gone through. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Teacher said:

It sure does! I've been on the receiving end of that twice and appreciated every post/orgNote of kind words, well wishes, and prayers/good vibes. I think it's great that people who you don't know in the flesh become some of the best friends/support group you can ask for. The internet is a beautiful thing eh?

Teacher said:

I've got one of the bestest collections on this site and it's open to you- orgNote me! I'd love to send you some goodies! XOX- Stu

Thank you all so much, again tears are falling and it's STILL a good thing. It's still on my mind but not as much as I feared it would be - I've been prepared for it for the longest time.

Thanks Stu but I got that damn set anyway - by winning money at dressage competitions. (horseback riding)

I love you all.