George W. Bush, Michael Moore and Paris Hilton are riding together in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it's pitch black inside. All of sudden, a kissing sound is heard, and then there's a ferocious slapping sound! When the train emerges, Paris Hilton and George Bush are sitting as they were, while Michael Moore is rubbing a huge red spot on his face.

"I'll bet Michael tried to kiss me and kissed George by mistake, and George slapped him!" thinks Paris.

"I bet George kissed Paris and she thought it was me so she slapped me!" thought Michael.

"Oh boy!" thinks George, "Every time we go through a tunnel, I'm going to make another kissing noise and then slap that fat slob again!"

>>>>>

Jim is an aspiring saxophonist, struggling to make ends meet. One day he gets a call - he's been hired to play on the soundtrack for a movie! He zooms to the studio, where he lays down two hours of soulful saxophone. When it's over, he asks the producer what the movie is and when it will come out.

"Your agent didn't tell?" asks the producer. "This is music for a big-dollar porn movie. However, it will be playing at the XXX theatre on 52nd Street next week."

The movie comes out, and Jim just HAS to hear his music. So he dresses up incognito, goes to the theatre, and sits in the back, near an older couple who also appear to be incognito.

The movie is perverse - every kind of sex act imaginable! In the middle of a huge orgy, a dog comes onscreen and nails all the women and half the men! Jim is red-faced, and turns to the couple beside him and says, "I just want you to know, I'm only hear for the music".

"That's OK," says the lady. "We're only here to see our dog."

>>>>>

Two midgets gpick up a couple girls at a hotel bar. The midgets have adjoining rooms.

The first midget gets his girl in bed, they get naked, and oh no! Impotence! No matter what they try, the midget cannot get aroused. It's horrible, and to make matters worse, he can hear his buddy in the next room. All night long the second midget is shouting, "One, two, three, UUMMPHHHHH! One, two, three, UUUMMMPPPHHHH!!!!!" The first midget is absolutely depressed.

The next morning, he runs into his buddy at breakfast. "How was she?!?" asks the second midget, whereupon the first midget tells, "It was not good. She got naked, I got naked, we got in the bed and I could not get an erection."

"Well," says the second midget, "at least YOU were able to get ON the bed"