just wanted to be able to softly vent some frustrations with other people who are going through or were going through the difficulties of caring for someone while mainting a fulltime job and your own obligations and responsibilities. anybody willing to share?

Fury said:

Oohh my goodness. My parents were both sick at the same time, in 1996. My husband and 2 kids at the time, had to move in with them...to care for them. It was fulfilling to be able to care for them, but it was very overwhelming on us as a family. I feel for you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that you take advantage of hospice, they are an incredible support! God Bless.

I'm not at the present, but did help with my grandmother.

My father is also getting older. He has COPD and bad knees so I will be doing more and more for him.

It is a tough row to hoe that is for sure. Get help if you can at all.

Best wishes to you and your's!

Yes

my mom has Dementia

I help my Dad every day with her

going on yr 5 now ...

Mach said:

my mom spent january-memorial day of this year in and out of 2 nursing homes and two hospitals. i took over her financial affairs, secured her pension for her and ran her household (where my two grown ass siters lived) and still had to run my own affairs. the week my mother came home, my older sister decided it was time for her to move out. we pay $2,900 a week to have my mom transported to dialysis 3 times a week (she's not quite ambulatory just yet). my younger sister, who has 3 kids living at mom's house for free, says she's "stressed" by the situation

Fury said:

I have 3 older brothers

Only one helps out
1 day a week for 3 hours

my youngest brother ( who is 3 yrs older then I ) told me a few yrs ago

and I quote

" I dont know why you bother, Mom is already dead "

The fear they embrace makes me almost sad for them



.
[Edited 7/9/07 22:05pm]

Mach said:

i always tell my mother that the day after she moves on to the hereafter, my brothers and sisters will all come running down the street like sarah jane at the end of Imitation of Life, crying crocodile tears. we both laugh about it.

Fury said:

I gave up focusing on what my brothers were and were not doing and put that energy towards helping my incredible parents and on what I needed to do for myself, my husband and my children.

In the end ... we all face ourselves each morning in the mirror and live with our choices in life

My great grandma had a heart attack a few years ago and had surgery for it so now it seems she has a stronger heart than she is.

She has intermediate dementia and can barely remember our names now.

We recently put her in a nursing home because she was calling our home every 5 minutes or so, not remembering she'd just called before and it was driving us crazy.

She seems to have settled into the home, which is good.

I have done it twice.

It's very exhausting/draining.

But it reaps it benefits.

my dad wasn't elderly but he became disabled when he had cancer...my mom cared for him most of the time because she is a RN by profession and I was in college at the time, so i tried to help her when I could, but it is a very hurting and frustrating thing. With my dad gone on to glory now, i'm glad that he is no longer in pain or hurting. He was for the most part frustrated that he even needed someone to care for him because he had so much pride. He was used to doing for himself. I remember him telling me in frustration that me and my mom should just put him in a nursing home, and when he told me that i just started crying. My mom vowed to never do that, so did the best she could working full time and caring for my dad.

it's an experience that I don't want to go through again, but i know that I will. Plus i know that i will probably be elderly one day or disabled, who knows, and I would like for somebody to care for me in the same way.

My mother is in the middle to later stage of Alzheimers. She needs constant supervision. My father died a few weeks ago, and my sister and I are knee deep in making sure all her finances are handled. I don't know if it's worst when she doesn't remember her husband or when she remembers him.

My son has a severe and profound form of autism. I have to do about 90% of everything for him.

littlemissG said:

Wow! Sorry to hear about this, may god bless your family.

Lothan said:

You have just put my life into perspective...I thought I had a fullplate.

i've been a "long distance caretaker" for my mom, and i had a really rough year of it last year because my grandma (my mom's mom) was terminally ill last year too, and died the day after christmas. my mom since recovered, but now she has a whole new round of health problems, and old feelings of panic and hopelessness are kicking up from all the medical drama from last year. it's like, it never ends.

right now i'm a state away from her, but i'm moving soon and we're going to try to move my mom out close to us so i can keep more of an eye on her. meanwhile, i know she has a great support system - she has great friends and my uncle (her brother) is being very supportive - but i can't help but feel that i need to hop on a plane every time i get a call that my mom is in the hospital, which is pretty alarmingly frequent over the past two years. it's tiring. i think the best thing i'm able to do is talk to people close to me and get out all the feelings and worry, and be as available as i can. it really sucks, but i know it's worse being my mom and having to experience all the medical issues she's dealing with.

My brother is mentally handicapped. I have been helping my mother take care of him for as long as I can remember. Feeding him. Dressing him for school. Making sure no other kids were picking on him(children are cruel). All of this while I'm 15-16 learning to take care of my type I diabetes. When I went to college in 2000, my brother got into a government program that is pretty much like college but for life.

He lives in a group home with a staff of full time nurses. They take wonderful care for him. We were blessed to discover that two of the live in nurses were old friends of ours so that makes it much better.


As of right now, I live two hours away from my brother. So I am able to go see him on weekends with my mother. But I really have to a desire to move out of the East Coast so I won't be able to see him as much. I also wonder what is going to happen down the road when my mother passes. My brother needs the love of his family in his life so I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll cross that road when I get to it. Things will work out and you just have to stay positive!!!
[Edited 7/10/07 18:17pm]
[Edited 7/10/07 18:17pm]

Mach said:

muchos props to you Mach

and to the others here who have taken on such trying and/or taxing responsibility in caring for family.
It is sobering, encouraging, reassuring and inspiring.

.
[Edited 7/10/07 18:26pm]

HiinEnkelte said:

TY

Fury said:

That sounds high.....
Do you have power of attorney? I'd see about off setting the bills by renting the house.