I have been friends with my friend Chris for 10 years now. We were very close until our senior year in high school when he moved to Florida and then when he joined the army we completely lost contact. I was looking around myspace for some of my old friends a couple of weeks ago and I found him and I immediately sent him a friend request.

After a couple of days, he added me and we started to send each other messages. He immediately wanted to know if I had a boyfriend and kept telling me that he wanted to take me out when he returns to New York and that I am still as beautiful as when we last saw each other().

He revealed to me that he got married in 2005, but he and his wife separated earlier this year because they had a lot of problems, one being his wandering eye. I could not believe this . . . in 2006,he went out on a couple of dates with my best friend. I can't believe that he hid his marriage from us and I can't believe that he would get my best friend involved in this mess.

Right now, I do not even want to see him, but I don't think I can avoid him because he knows where I live. What should I do? Should I confront him? Should I tell him I have a boyfriend, so that he doesn't go after me next? Should I tell him I am going on vacation, so that he doesn't bother going to my house? I don't know what to do

jess555ja said:

Just be honest.(I know it's easier said than done) What a jerk.

M

Deep down Jess, you'll probably find you've already made a decision, but may be worried about the consequences of it either way. Don't let anyone tell you it's wrong, because in such cases where "right" is largely subjective I reckon your instincts and emotions are all you can rely on.

I guess you just have to ask yourself what course of action you could live with over the longer term.

Apologies if my advice doesn't help!

Firstly, why did your best friend not tell you, or did she not know you and he had been great friends?

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

I know that is what I should do, but I am so non confrontational. This whole thing is just shocking to me. It is just so unlike him. He will be back in town in two weeks and I am dreading his return and I hate to say that because I really felt that he was my friend.

MissMe said:

She didn't know he was married . . . he didn't tell anyone until now. She told me that they had gone out and that is all I knew.

jess555ja said:

Wow Jess! That is quite a problem. I would go with what your gut is telling you and just be honest about what you know, and go from there. I get a feeling he will back down once he knows you know what he has done in his past! I wish you luck!

alxndrstff said:

I do fear the consequences . . . we have been friends for such a long time and I had a big crush on him when we were in high school, but right now, I am disgusted with him. I really hate that I will be losing a friend, but I really do not trust him right now.

Ok. Be glad that you have found each other and are reunited again. Maybe when you reminisce about the good old days it could bring back to him why you and he were so close.
I am afraid people do grow up and move on, you lost touch he got married, etc and you too have moved on.
He either really genuinely wants to meet up with you or is a cad.
He has told you honestly he got married and is separated, so he is open in that respect. Maybe his marriage wasn’t to be, or he is confused and going through a really rough patch and doesn’t know where his head is.
I would say to him, that because it has been so long, you would like to re-get to know him. Start from scratch again. But slowly. Explain you are having fun being single, and wouldn’t like to get mixed up with such mess – as is his life right now. Keep it friendly, open and honest. You will soon learn if he is a friend you want to remain in your life, or you are both so different now, and if he only wants you for one thing, then certainly ditch him.
It is all up to you at the end of the day, the decision is yours. You can read all these posts as advice, but go with what you feel is right for you, at the time.
Good luck.

I say, run for the hills! He may seem interesting and you have great memories, but his not telling your friend whom he was dating a bit that he was married..is a deal breaker. Run Jess run!! you are way to good and sweet for this!

MissMe said:

I really want to give him a chance, but I really do not know his intentions. He could be genuine or he might be looking for some ass (which he won't be getting from me ). Luckily I still have some time to think of what I am going to do.

PaisleyPark5083 said:

That is what I don't get . . . why didn't he say anything before?! And how do I know that he won't do something like this again. My head hurts just thinking about this stuff

jess555ja said:

Give him that chance, that's cool. I would too. I have lost contact with friends and met up with them again many a time. Stay aloof, and allow him to come to you, as a friend.
Explain that as it has been such a long time, you feel overwhelmed, and yet confused, as it is too much too soon and would like to remain just friends right now. You have told him you want to maintain the friendship, his behaviour in future messages should give you your answer.

jess555ja said:

How do you know he doesn't have someone on the side now, is right. If you proceed, do so very carefully.

jess555ja said:

Maybe he held back, because he was afriad of your reaction. You have been apart a long time, and you don't own him. He may really regret it, you don't know the full circumstances what happened and how. See if he is open and honest enough and can explain your concerns, Some things aren't half as bad as they seem.

PaisleyPark5083 said:

Jess can still keep the friendship, just be wary of him and whether he wants just friendship or other.

MissMe said:

I think I will meet up with him, but I will make sure that he knows that it is as friends. I will give him a chance to explain himself. I don't want to just write him off because he is a wonderful person. This whole situation is just confusing me.

jess555ja said:

Good choice!

jess555ja said:

I know it is hard, but try not to think about it too much. The mind is a weird and wonderful thing and delves deep, deep, until we lose all perspective, and create our own obstacles and worries.

alxndrstff said:

This is good advice because in the end you're going to do whatever it is that you truly want to do anyway, which maybe completely opposite to what everyone suggest or offers up. Whatever you ultimately decide to do, make sure you can face yourself...that's the one and only person who you KNOW you will always have to face.

Have you considered casual sex with no feelings involved?

You're in your lower 20's. Go for it.

statuesqque said:

I agree. It is good advice. I'm just going to meet with him and see how things go. He has been a great friend to me in the past. I am just hurt that he would hide a marriage and get my best friend involved in this.

Imago said:

That is impossible for me. . . . my feelings always get involved.

Imago said:

He sounds like a playa.....never known one of them to change ....I would stay away from him hun

He wants something very special from you...


THE PANTIES.

He lied to his wife, he lied to your friend, he's probably lying to you. Check out MoniGram's threads about those really extra special sweet guys. You'll know what to do.

Ocean said:

I know, he does sound like a playa but he is my friend and I would like to see him. He should know better than to try to pull this kind of crap with me. If I have to I'll give him one of these

Mars23 said:

Hey, do you have the links to Moni's threads or do you remember the titles? I would like to check them out.

jess555ja said:

http://www.prince.org/msg/100/231917
http://www.prince.org/msg/100/232133

Easy.

Tell him you're not interested.

The end.