So, as many of you know, Mon and I played a large part in raising our nephew Golf for the first few years. His parents split up and now he's staying with his mother in Latburi with her family. Mon's brother doesn't seem interested at all in being a part of his boy's life. Mon and I (and Mon's sister and their parents) miss him terribly, and are not sure he's being taken care of properly, but what can we do? It looks like we may not ever see him again since we can't get in contact and Mon's brother is acting like he doesn't exist.

Golf, last time he was here, playing with some phone cards:



Anyway, for a few months Mon's brother has been seeing a new girl. I found out a month or so back that this girl, Nii, is pregnant and she's been to the house a few times since then. They spoke about coming back to stay here in the house and then this afternoon I hear they went and got married. She's 2 months pregnant and they want to move in. She's a nice girl, very polite, and helps around the house, and for his part, Mon's brother has stopped drinking and smoking. However, he continues to abuse Mon verbally and Mon's parents won't stick up for her. Everyone's taking her for granted. She stormed off out of the house and I doubt will come back for another few hours. He wants to move in with his wife and raise the baby here, but I can see a repeat of what happened before. They won't be able to pay anything more than a token amount of rent, so no power, water, or anything else, and can they pay for the child's hospital fees and for the milk and nappies and whatnot? How should I handle this situation? It's not my position to tell them they can't move in, but since I'm responsible for so much in this house I think I should have a say. I want this to work out for them, but after what happened with Golf I've mixed feelings about it all.

That sounds like a sad situation all around. I definitely would not Mon's brother and his new wife move in with you, based on what you have told us. I know that will be hard to do, but it doesn't sound like a healthy environment for anybody, including the baby that's on the way.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I really have no idea what else to say.

I got a nice baseball bat if you wanna borrow it dude!

His ass will never grow up as long as he can knock em up and bring em home to dump the off. Your in a bad position but i would push not to let that happen. Hopefully you will hear from Golf.

psychodelicide said:

The thing is, I see changes in Mon's brother, despite his continuing lack of respect for Mon, so it's very tough to know how to feel. Nii seems like a very level-headed girl and it seems to have had an effect on Mon's brother. I'd like to think things will be different this time and that if there's some stability there Mon's brother could be talked to about his relationship with Golf.

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I hate to say it, but I have to agree.

I'm so sorry, fauxie. It's such a difficult position to be in. I wish you the best.

mdiver said:

Oh, sometimes I'd like that, but the thing is so much of this stuff happens when I'm not around. Mon said she asked her brother about the marriage when they got back and he basically told her to bugger off, but I wasn't there. She said she asked her mother why she never sticks up for her and the reply was that she treats them equally. Mon says her brother calls her the worst names in Thai (dick, bitch, animal) when I'm not there. Otherwise he seems to have got many thing in his life in order, but there's still that immaturity there. I think I need to sit down and chat with him because this whole thing will only work if everyone pulls together.

Perhaps you can leverage their situation (needing to move in) into a positive thing for all by explaining that a condition of helping them is that he take responsibility for the son he already has and maintain meaningful contact. If he is unwilling to do that, he will most likely repeat with the current wife and you'll be back in the same situation in a few years.

Sorry, that's the best I've got right now.

Fauxie said:

You are a good man Nick, i am sure that you will do the best for everyone but your first responsibility is Mon and also to yourself.

Good luck friend

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

We were incredulous when we heard about the pregnancy. We softened when we met Nii, but today has stirred things up again. I agree about not letting him just repeat what he did before, but funnily enough despite her treatment by her brother, Mon says it's for the best they stay here.

Yes, I hope we can get some kind of arrangement with Golf as far as his parents are concerned so that he could at least visit sometimes. Right now though there's no communication.

CarrieMpls said:

Thanks. It certainly is tricky. I've enough on my plate as it is having just become a husband.

Mars23 said:

That sounds like good advice. The thing is, I need to be there. Everyone needs to be there, to discuss it. If Mon puts that forward he'll dismiss it straight away. I like my brother in law but we have a weird relationship. I don't quite understand him and I think he may think I'm aloof. Actually, if I could talk to him sometime, just the two of us, I think what you're saying would be a good way to approach it if I could find the words in Thai.

mdiver said:

Thanks Phil, and you're right, at some point a line has to be drawn and I need to put Mon and I before everyone else. My best friend here keeps telling me this and says we need to do it to move forward in our life together. To be honest I worry less about Mon's brother or anyone else in the family than I do her mother. I want her to be happy and not worry and that's often foremost in my thinking.

CarrieMpls said:

Yeah, I agree too, but it really sucks.

Wow

All around a tough situation hun

The culture there is perhaps much different then the UK or USA (?)

It will be hard to all blend together and be positive and supportive though it can be done

I would feel the need to speak up about the borther's lack of respect towards his 1st son and towards Mon. How can one possibly be a good father to the next child when he ignors the 1st ? ( I know it's not impossible but goodness )



Best wishes to you and Mon

Much love, understanding, patience and support to everyone involved especially that beautiful little boy. He is blessed to have a wonderful aunt and uncle that love him like their own.

Sorry the situation is so tough- I hope it gets better.

You seen how Mon was treated. If it is allowed for them to move in, Mon will get the same treatment 7 days a week. I don't see it working out and there will be a lot of arguments and hurt. Look out for Mon's best interests and yours first

luv4u said:

Agreed!

What a sweet little boy

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to try to get this sorted later tonight.

oy