There was a family get together yesterday-FMIL (future mother in law) overheard my aunt talking about spa trip I am taking two weeks from now. I made the reservations 6 months ago & I made them for 5 people only: my mom, my MOH, myself &2 bridesmaids. FMIL heard about this, invited herself
along & fully expects to go! I can't change the
reservations to add another person & quite frankly,
even if I could, I wouldn't. This is just for my
family & friends. How can I tell FMIL or should my man do it?

filmnoirdame said:

"This is just for my family & friends."

That's what I would say.

You shouldnt say anything should be ur partners jobs 2 say something this way she will take it a bit better but it sounds like ur future mother in-law likes u and ur family ur blessed will make married life a lot easier 4 u both.

Umm, no, she doesn't like me-we don't get along.

filmnoirdame said:

That's an easy one. The reservation is made and the spa would not accept changes. Sorry we missed you when the reservation was made.

filmnoirdame said:

It would be real strange of someone 2 invite themselfs to a place with ppl they do not like, she must like u and ur family or maybe she is attempting 2 get 2 know u and ur family better so 2 get on better with u for her childs sake.

Mars23 said:

I would go with this answer...that way you can blame the spa in a way..and it won't give her any more reason not to like you.

She is not trying to get along. She is just very nosy and can't bear being left out of things. She feels she has a right to be included in all that I do.

filmnoirdame said:

wow she sounds very strange I would just say what Mars23 said, good luck I hope u all enjoy ur spa trip

filmnoirdame said:

don't say it because it's too late. your fiance needs to tell her that is your last outing with your family and friends before u are married.

Why can't I say it's becasuse it is too late?

filmnoirdame said:

u can, but that's not the real reason. and to say that also makes it obvious that u weren't thinking about her when u did make reservations. making the distinction of it being one last outing with your friends explains why she wasn't included.

Because the Org said so!

Like that!

I didn't read what others posted, but here's what I think...



It's your man's mama- you have to invite her. Otherwise you'll pay for it for the rest of her life.

filmnoirdame said:

OH but HELL NO- that's your dirty work. Should you still not invite her, it will make it worse to have him tell her.


You know I'm right.

I do agree with the "outs" others are giving you- and buy her a gift or some flowers.





So you don't like this bitch do ya?



...I hate mine too!


for ya!!!

I just ran this by the wisest man I know- Drew! He said the question isn't 'How do I tell my future mother in law she is not invited?' but "How do I invite her quickly!"

He agress that she should be there and a lifetime of troubles will follow if she isn't.

filmnoirdame said:

you can

you can do what you want

personally... i think your man should handle it... it's his mum... he should just let her know it was already organised and that you felt bad about telling her

it's up to guys to keep their mothers in check when it comes to their partners.. you shouldn't have to deal with it


i adore my mum... we're really close... but i'd never allow her or anyone in my family to disrespect my wife

Fuck it, if she goes it will most likely ruin the trip. Just tell her that you can't add anyone else and that is was planned months in advance.

CynthiasSocks said:

CS is right - try to be the bigger person, ask her along, and consider it the start to an improved relationship.

If all else fails, tell her one of your friends or sisters made the reservation and they made the guest list..hell I don't know..gets it off your shoulders, good luck to ya.!

madartista said:

Agreed.

Turns out I don't have to tell her. She called the house last night and my cousin answered. FMIL asked what she should bring for the trip and my cousin said nothing because it was an event for my family only. Now she is pissed and told my fiance that I never want to be around her or her side of the family, only my side of the family and his father's side-look, I won't deny that-my family is my family and his dad's side of the family are great, loving people. She says that the fact that she and I don't get along is moot, that all her friends have done stuff with their future son's wives and she wants in on the fun. She's nuts! She admits in one breath that we don't get on, but feels that I should invite her and her hostility toward me into my life, so she can have some wedding fun. Hell no. You can call me hostile, selfish, whatever, but I am not a doormat and I will not bend over backwards for that woman. This is one of the greatest times of my life and I refuse to be uncomfortable for one minute because FMIL feels she isn't having fun. She has daughters, she can have "fun" with their wedding preparations. Someone said I wasn't thinking of her when I made the reservations-of course I wasn't! Why would I? I planned this event for my inner circle only. Sorry, but that woman makes me mad.
[Edited 6/26/07 9:33am]

I am sorry, but that's such childish behaviour on her part.

You could always say, I understand you are upset, but this is a thing I have planned for my friends and family, but when I am married, there will be ample opportunities, for you to join in with things with me.

Good Luck.
[Edited 6/26/07 9:37am]

I know, but she is always like that. Never wanting to miss out and thinking my business is her business when it is not.

Oh you could just call off the wedding and find a better future mother in law.
Yes, I think that is best.

i would have an open and honest dialogue with you fmil, and leave your hubby to be out of it...don't put him in the middle. it's not his battle.

1) you have to tell her your feelings, that being that she doesn't like you. you're going to be spending (god willing) the rest of your life with her son, so the two of you will have to make some sort of peace. explain to her, that it was originally intended for your side of the family, and a couple of your close friends, and that given how she treats you, you don't want this special weekend to be focused on anything but those people around you that care about you.

I am going to let my man talk to her. If I do it, I will say something nasty to her, I know it. Better I keep my mouth shut. I mean, she is bitching cause her daughters are not my bridesmaids. Um, it's my wedding, not yours. I am under no obligation to have your daughters in my wedding.

filmnoirdame said:

good move

your future hubby needs to man up and take care of this shit for you.. you shouldn't have to deal with this sort of rubbish.. you should be having the time of your life right now... enjoy yourself