pardonme4livin said:

My mother was an alcoholic who drunk herself to death. My dad had a nervous breakdown after his wife was murdered. his family was on the way to comiit him and he jumped out of the car and was killed. I am pre-disposed to depression.

Lothan said:

A childhood friend of mine committed suicide in his late teens. I would think that every intelligent person has thought about it at some time or other.

I went through a period where I was really down and thought about it a lot. Luckily for me, I got help and now I can't believe I ever even considered such a thing.

If you are suffering from depression, please feel free to orgNote me.

Lothan said:

I am ashamed to say I have contemplated suicide numerous times over the years..... as recently as this year....

Lothan said:

You have been through a lot and as someone who suffered very much in their own life, I do look to you as a role model, even if that's not what you feel you signed up for But I do

"THERE is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide."

Albert Camus, the first sentence of the The Myth of Sisyphus

pardonme4livin said:

I understand.

sometimes it helps to not see it as being such a particular personal plight. life blows, in general.
so maybe this new book can be read as a "pick-me-up":

Rightly said:

I had been abused alot when I was younger,
Nothing that was going on in my life was good,
The little good I did get was taken away again.
I honestly had nothing to live for.

Nothing really changed, Im still suicidal, I just gave up on the attemps because I just plainly dont have the energy.

I still hurt myself, Its like I recently told a friend, I get desperate to hide it because I dont want anyone to make a deal out of it,
For the first time I kind of feel like I have a hold on my life even though I know I dont.

That feeling wont last very long.

"How could we drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What were we doing when we unchained this earth from its sun?
Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving? Away from all suns? Are we not plunging continually? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions?
Is there still any up or down? Are we not straying, as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is not night continually closing in on us? Do we not need to light lanterns in the morning?"

When I was 10, I tried drinking bleach. I didn't know how to kill myself, but I wanted to die so bad. When I was a teen ager, I tried to cut my wrists. I can honestly say that was attention seeking, because I just wanted someone, anyone, to notice how bad I was hurting. When I was 27, I took an overdose of Coumadin. The only reason I am still here is because my ex-husband could tell there was something wrong with the way I was acting. Coumadin takes 3 days to get in your system, normal dosage is anywhere from 2.5 mg to 10 mg. daily, I took over 150 mg at one time and had gotten my prescription refilled by saying I had lost my medicine somewhere. I was getting ready to take over another 150 mg when my ex bust in the door and demanded to know what I was doing. He said he knew something was wrong when I had asked him if he would mind keeping our son for another couple of days, because I needed to get some things taken care of, and he said that flagged it for him because I never asked him to keep our son for longer than he was supposed to have him. He made me go to the ER when he realized the meds had just been filled again, when he knew they had just been filled two days earlier. I was in ICU for a few days while they "thickened" my blood. That began my journey toward healing finally from all the abuse I suffered as a child. I had reached the bottom and there was no where to go but up.

I also had a friend who's father killed himself, and then a year later my friend killed himself on the anniversary of his father's death. Two years later, his older brother did the same thing.

I'm not embarrsed but i don't go shouting it from the roof tops. It's apart of my past...where it belongs.

meggy said:

And just 19...bless you Meg.

LittleRedCorvette said:

Good god.

I think what this all really boils down to is people feeling they have no options and need a way to be able to deal with their pain. I was in a constant state of pain most of my young life and while I eventually went on to live a life of hell in my abusive relationship, I managed to find a way to deal with the pain. I think that is the only way to avoid this step.....

LittleRedCorvette said:

Wish i could offer you more, but please accept this

This thread breaks my heart. Such good people in so much pain.

What does this tell you?...we all have something in common, take strength in that.

Lothan said:

I have been on both sides of the issue of suicide. I've known those who've taken their own lives and witnessed the aftermath of such a irreversible decision and, as a lifelong sufferer of depression myself, have felt suicidal and utterly without hope on more than a few occasions.

It's not always possible to discern by outward appearances who is suffering, who is hurting, who feels hopeless, and who feels as if life is no longer worth living. This thread should serve as a powerful reminder as to why everyone should try their best to weigh their words and interactions with others with care, and how meaningful the smallest of friendly gesture can be (even if the giver of such never realizes the difference made by their word or gesture).

A smile, a 'hello', or merely taking a moment to just acknowledge another in a kindly manner won't fix anybody or cure a depression, but it might help give somebody that extra bit of necessary strength to make it through another day -- or another hour. And that extra time can mean a lot to one struggling towards finding peace or healing

to those in pain.

Check out this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/w...s_suicides

Lothan said:

I am personally glad that you find a reason to keep going every day. Life would be too boring and less beautiful without you in it.

Lothan said:

Oh sweetie, you've really had a time of it haven't you? I'm so sorry for your losses. It's so hard to lose a parent, and even harder to lose both. If you'll have me, I'll be your family cuz I love ya like a sister anyway.

I tried , I fucked up , I got over it

Sometimes I wished I hadnt , sometimes Im glad that I didnt

pardonme4livin said:

There is no shame in the contemplation. We're human. We go through sad times and hard times and scary times. We think about ending our lives, some of us more than others because it feels like the only way to end the pain. I know for me though, experiencing the pain is where some of my greatest growth has come from as a human being. If my life had been one ounce different from what it was, I wouldn't be who I am today, and thank God there is only one of me. I'm glad that you are still here. And if you ever feel that way again, please pm me. I'd like to be there for you.

EvoLTwiin said:

"Better to Never Have Been"? That's an interesting title. I know when I was little I use to wish I had never been born. I saw suicide as an easy way out, and a few times as the only way out, but I knew that suicide didn't "fix" the problem. I would have still been here, and all that I went through, would have still happened. For me, at times, I wished that I had never been born, because that meant that everything I experienced would not have happened. I haven't felt that way in years and hope to never feel that way again.

I found this. It is interesting.
Try the test, I am sure you will be surprised.

http://depression.about.c...emyths.htm














For those who do not want to participate, here are the correct answers.

1. If someone is determined to kill themselves there is nothing you can do to help.
MYTH: Depression and suicidal feelings will pass with time. Giving a person a safe place tovent their feelings, encouraging them to get professional help with their depression and giving them emotional support to put off suicide long enough for the feelings to pass are all ways you can help.

2. People who commit suicide are crazy.
MYTH: While some people who commit suicide are mentally ill, deep grief, extreme emotional upset and depression can all lead to suicidal feelings.

3. Suicide attempts are a plea for help.
FACT: Attempted suicide is a clear sign that a person has feelings that they are not able to cope with and they need help.

4. There are almost always warning signs before someone commits suicide.
FACT: Many people will makes comments like wishing they were dead or how everyone might be better off if they were not around. Even those who do not express a death wish can exhibit signs of depression.

5. Talking about suicide with someone will give them ideas.
MYTH: Asking them about any suicidal feelings they may have will give them the opening to speak about feelings that already have, but were afraid to mention.

6. Suicidal people do not really want to die. They just want their pain to end.
FACT: People who are suicidal want to live, but they can not figure out any other options to stop the unbearable pain that they are feeling.

7. Once a person gets into treatment the suicide risk goes away.
MYTH: Even though a person has started medication, they are not yet out of danger. They may feel more energetic and able to act on any suicidal feelings even though their mood has not yet significantly improved.

8. Most people who commit suicide spoke about their intent ahead of time.
FACT: More often than not people will give some indication that they are feeling suicidal by making comments like wishing they were dead or how everyone might be better off if they were not around.

9. A drunk person who speaks about suicide should not be taken seriously.
MYTH: When a person speaks about suicide it should always be taken seriously. Alcohol removes any inhibitions a person has and they may be telling you things that they would ordinarily hold inside.

10. If someone previously had a failed suicide attempt then they are less likely to complete a suicide.
MYTH: The majority of completed suicides were preceded by a failed attempt.

11. People who are serious about commiting suicide just go ahead and do it without giving any warnings.
MYTH: There are almost always warning signs, either the person speaks of feeling suicidal or there are signs of depression.

12. People who commit suicide are weak.
MYTH: Strong people can and do commit suicide. Depression is a chemical imbalance, not a sign of weakness.

13. People who threaten suicide are trying to be manipulative.
MYTH: People who are suicidal are making a plea for help.

14. When people feel better they are no longer in any danger.
MYTH: If a person has been feeling suicidal and suddenly they are feeling better, this could be a sign that they have made a decision to commit suicide and feel relief because of their choice.

15. Suicide can affect people of all ages, even young children.
FACT: No one is immune to depression.

16. If your friend asks you to keep his suicidal feelings a secret you should be a loyal friend and do it.
MYTH: Suicide is a matter of life and death. It is better to get them help and risk having them upset than to have them die.

17. An unsuccessful attempt means they were not serious about wanting to die.
MYTH: Successful suicides are often preceded by failed attempts. Suicide attempts are a cry for help and should never be ignored.

18. The only effective help is through psychotherapy.
MYTH: While proper treatment is important, there is much that friends and family can do without any special training to support the suicidal person. They can play a vital role in helping the person recover.

19. Despite our best efforts, suicides can still occur. No one should blame themselves when another person chooses to die.
FACT: You are only human and you are not responsible when someone else makes a choice to die. You do the best you can, but ultimately only they can make the choice to live.

20. Most suicides happen around the winter holidays.
MYTH: Even though holiday depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder are common during the winter months, spring and summer are statistically when the most suicides occur.

meggy said:

Meggy, I went through years of abuse as a child, well into my teen years. I wish I could say that it gets easier, but it's a hard battle to fight to overcome the trauma of abuse. But it can be done. I'm almost 42 and been living with the memories and the pain all these years, but I can honestly say that it's much better now. It doesn't hurt and I don't feel so lonely anymore. I realized that the abuse took a lot from me, but it also gave me something that most people never have, the ability to look at the strength that I truly contain because look at all that I survived. You too have that same strength. Look at what you've survived!

There are some new therapy techniques that help with PTSD, namely EMDR and DBT. Have you tried either of these therapies? The EMDR is really still pretty experimental but some research into it has shown that it helps to lessen the pain associated with trauma, and DBT has really shown a lot of success, especially with survivors of childhood abuse.

If you ever feel like talking or need a friend, please feel free to email me through the org or pm me. You aren't alone in what you've experienced. There are many of us out there in the world.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Hey sweetie. I know for me that I didn't feel like I had any options at the time. I just got to the point that I couldn't take anymore. I couldn't take any more abuse, any more pain. I don't think it's so much finding a way to deal with the pain, as it is acknowledging the pain, embracing it, and letting it go. When you are suicidal because you've been hurting so bad almost all of your life, what you are trying to do is run away from the pain. You don't want to feel it anymore. So you try to find an escape. When I was 27, I finally acknowledged just how bad I was hurting. And you know what? I realized I had a right to hurt that bad. It was my pain. I deserved to allow myself that pain because of how badly I had been abused. I'm not saying that anyone deserves to be hurt or to feel hurt. Please no one take it that way. What I am saying is that I tried to run away from the pain, I tried to convince myself I wasn't supposed to feel that way. I guess what I am saying is that I deserved to grieve for all that I had lost. I deserved to cry for the little girl that I had been and she deserved to have someone cry for her, hurt for her, and love her that much. So for a little while, I embraced that pain. I acknowledged that I had a reason to hurt, that there was no shame in hurting that deeply. Finally, after feeling it for awhile instead of fighting the pain, I was ready to let it go. And it was a liberating experience for me, because I had fought that pain all my life, clung to it at other times, and to finally say, "Okay, I'm ready to let it go and be happy for a change" felt like a ton had been lifted from my shoulders. We fight against pain so much because we believe we aren't supposed to feel that way. But you know, we were blessed with feelings for a reason, and sometimes we have to feel pain to know what joy truly is.