Anxiety said:

Well said! ....as usual.....

retina said:

There's definitely a rift between my thoughts & my actions. If left to my thoughts & desires, I'm definitely polygamous. But I'm pretty faithful in my actions.

NDRU said:

"Pretty" faithful?

retina said:

Well, totally faithful, but my girlfriend probably doesn't know or want to know the extent of my thoughts/range of my eyes.

NDRU said:

I totally know what you're saying. Don't you think you're a bit monogamous in your thoughts too though? I mean, aren't you less tempted by others now than you were when you used to be single? That's got to count for something.

I usually wish that I was in a relationship and didn't have to turn to different women for love and sex, so that kind of seems like a monogamous attitude to me. At the same time, of course I've always fantasized about different women anyway. So that's what makes me feel like I'm a combination of both, even if only my thoughts are considered.

retina said:

It's hard to say.

Maybe it's instinct vs. reason. I find literally a hundred girls sexy per day (I work near a university). But even though I "want to sleep with them" I don't really want to because I don't know them, I know I might not like them, I wouldn't want to lose my girlfriend, etc.

So my instincts say "fuck!" but my reason says "stay true!"

And I like being in a committed relationship.

NDRU said:

But how monogamous is wanting to sleep with them?

Although I may find some men attractive, there is only one that I want to sleep with.

NDRU said:

Yeah, we're complicated creatures, aren't we? And although I appreciate and applaud your effort, I think putting labels on all these conflicting emotions/instincts/thoughts doesn't really help us understand them better (for example, I would say that my "instinct" tells me to stay true, but that doesn't mean that we're disagreeing - we're just applying different meanings to the word).

Ultimately I think I strive more for monogamy than polygamy. If I'm in a monogamous relationship I will never end it for the sole sake of sleeping with others, whereas if I'm having a lifestyle where I'm sleeping with different people, I would give it up rather easily if given a chance for a good monogamous relationship. But yeah, it's still not totally clear cut. Even for those of us who have a consistent and predictable pattern of behaviour, there will sometimes be moments of internal conflict.

Lothan said:

That's the question. It's completely monagamous in the sense that I don't sleep with them.

I think "finding some men attractive" means your instincts say you want to sleep with them.

But your reason says you love your man and can't imagine being without him.

That's how I see it, at least (in my case, as well as yours)

Lothan said:

Well, if you're sexually attracted to someone it would be kind of hypocritical to say that no part of you would want to sleep with them (after all, wanting to sleep with them is what sexual attraction is all about), but on the other hand you usually don't actually want to do it, for among others the reasons that NDRU stated in his post. So I think putting "want to sleep with them" in quotation marks captured the complexity of the issue quite well.

retina said:

Just because I find some men attractive, does not mean I find them sexually attractive.

Lothan said:

I would love to show you otherwise

REDFEATHERS said:

Show me.

Lothan said:

Honey with that avatar pic, I would seriously consider it..

REDFEATHERS said:

Lothan said:

Right, well we were talking about sexual attraction, so naturally I thought your comment was about that too.

Lothan said:

retina said:

Oh, I'm sorry. No. There is only one man I connect with on that level. I tend to tie too much to physical appearances. If the person is physically appealing, in order for me to be sexually attracted, he also has to be brilliant. I'm a nerd like that.

NDRU said:

quite right!

nothing comes 4 free though.

Anxiety said:

With life and transitions, you learn thourghout life and do some soul searching and realize what you attract is a reflection of you.

MsLegs said:

...so you're saying that since most, if not all, of the women I've encountered on my travels through polygamous behavior (when I should have been practicing monogamy) are absolutely nucking futs (CRAZY CRAZY!! ) then I must be the nuttiest person in the mix? Interesting.....

Oh...and to answer the question, polygamous by design, monogamous by virtue of nurture, education, spirituality and societal expectation....

JustErin said:

my wife wont let me be Polyunsaturated

reneGade20 said:

or maybe you're attracted to their insanity because you can't afford to be as nutso as you wanna be in your own life.

JustErin said:

MsLegs said:

Interesting thread.

I think monogamous is a beautiful way to live. One at a time
Then again, if I ever get an offer for a threesome, I wouldn't say no

I think it depends on the kind of relationship. Most people are involved in karmic relationships. Those can be very disharmonic. And when things aren't going very well in the relationship it can be very allurig to start an affair with somebody else.
On the other hand, there are also soulmate or twinsoul relationships. Those relationships are very strong. There is a very deep connection. Nothing can come between them. Thinking about having an affair is just out of the question.

Christaro said:

Absolutely. Instinctively, one has to let nature run its course and don't be foolish enough to let destiny pass through ones hands.