thesexofit said:[quote]

I agree, thought that's not exactly what I meant.

I meant that when I was 18 or so my girlfriends wanted to physically be attached to me at all times. We had to cuddle all night even though I couldn't sleep like that, and they wanted to hold hands, even when I needed to use them.

I thought it was insane because I gravitated towards the opposite.

Now my girlfriend & I have both moved towards the middle having lived & learned a bit.

thesexofit said:

Maybe this kind of attitude is the real problem. You shouldn't have to receive barbs and zingers just because you want some space and aren't the clingy type. It could very well be that she's young and immature, but I've had middle aged men come out with these kinds of statements because I didn't call them back in 4 days.

There was a girl I made the mistake of seeing just before I went travelling. On one occasion I can remember she really pissed me off. She turned up at our house pissed when I was settled in bed and watching 'Scarface´.

Fauxie said:

hey whatever works for you. That is all that matters my friend

It's not a twentysomething phenomenon, by any means. My last g/f was 40, and she was just as clingy, insecure and crazy as women half her age...

now clingy is one thing I've never been charged with. normally I'm told that I'm too distant and I don't let people in... though I disagree. I think they're just use to dealing with the clingy people and not the independent ones but that's just me.

statuesqque said:

My girlfriend's not very clingy. I told her (not in so many words) that I wanted more clingyness and she said "I really doubt you do!" and she's probably right!

Everybody's got their something....clinginess usually points to other, deeper commitment or abandonment issues.....or worse (yes, there IS worse than clingy), they're needy....and beware of the ones who lament EVERY SINGLE failed relationship before you....because that will be the justification for every crazy act.....

...

NDRU said:

I've never in my entire life met a man that wanted his woman or girlfriend to be clingier, the only ones I've heard of have serious possessive controlling issues... and you don't strick me as the type.

Even though my girlfriend can be exceptionally clingy, I don't hold her it against her.
The way I figure it
she can't help it.
It was just how she grew up.
She's one half of a pair of conjoined twins.

Illustrator said:

thesexofit said:

Texting all the time...yeah that would drive me crazy.

Guys get needy too. I've had a few of those.

Awhile back when I was on a pool league I was dating this guy that was clingy. He wanted to see me on a night that we had a tournament. I told him I really needed to just be with my team and concentrate on the games. I told him I would see him the next day. He showed up halfway through the tournament, drunk, and would not leave me alone. I didn't pay much attention to him because I was busy playing and he got mad at me. I reminded him that I had asked him not to come. Needless to say I dropped him like a hot potato! He was 25.

Some days you just need your space and a person needs to respect that!

So, can I call you all the time!?

statuesqque said:

No, not exactly clingy (she was right, I don't really want that) just a bit more...I don't know, touchy-feely?

NDRU said:

I know what you mean, it's hard to define sometimes I think it's more attentiveness that's wanted rather than clinginess. Being attentive or touchy feely is far different from being clingy, I think more times than not that's what's wanted because one can have that extra added closeness and still maintain their space, independence, and individuality.

It depends on the person. Some people are clingier than others. Some will outgrow it, some won't. You just need to find someone with the same expectations as yourself.

I tend to be a happy medium. I need my alone time, but I like my together time too.

i think i might be so paranoid about being thought of as clingy that i take it too far and get standoffish.

thesexofit said:

I was in that same situation man.

I tend to run from the whole clingy thing. The longer the worse it gets, I tend to stick with older women...

Fauxie said:

see and this was exactly what i was going to bring up. I think that guys get clingy when they meet "the one" and are ready to settle down. When they are single and still feel the need to have "male bonding" when their friends, then they aren't clingy and aren't ready to settle down. i think that if the clingy-ness is mutual then that's basically when it's time to get married.

although some marriages that I've seen, some spouses have so much space that they even go as far as going on trips without their hubby or wife. That i think is a bit extreme, but hey thats just me.

Me personally, I have a bf now, and i do see him as being "the one" for me. We have told each other this so it's the same on both ends. And at times when he hangs out with his boys, I do sort of feel left out, like "he's purposely not trying to include me in because he probably doesn't take this relationship as seriously as I do", but when I hang out with my friends, I don't even think about it in these terms. So when he is with his family or friends, and my friends are busy, i try to keep myself as busy as possible, like watching a movie, going to the mall, go to the gym, or call somebody that I haven't talked to in a while. Because it's a whole lot better keeping busy, than sitting at home fuming with jealousy that you are bored and he is out having fun. It also will prevent silly arguements that could escalate to something more (making something out of nothing).

So yeah it maybe because this girl doesn't have a life outside of you, or she just may be bored with herself.

This is all funny to me because with the guys that i've dated in the past, that were clingy, it was a major turnoff for me and i ended up dumping them. I even had a guy one time to text me everyday saying sweet things, but if i didn't respond to his messages he grew increasingly angry and would keep calling me until i answered the phone wanting to know why i was "ignoring him". Also he wanted me to call him every morning as soon as i got up....and umm hell no i wasn't about to start that trend. So i didn't do it, and that was an arguement. LOL, i remember him calling me and asking me "umm, are your fingers broke?"!!!
[Edited 6/17/07 18:16pm]