If someone has been in a marriage for 24 yrs 8 mts, a marriage in which they had put up with a mate that would not accept no as a response to a request for sex. A marriage in the one mate went out of her way to make sure that her spouse received support for every thing he wanted. If he wanted to start a business, she did everything she could to make it work. If he wanted to go to school she supported that, yet when she wanted to he never asked how it was going what her classes were like or what her grades were. A marriage in which she even supported him to the point of advancement in the religion that they were involved.

When he was sad or down she would encourage him, to help him keep going – she did all she could but never did he assist her, support her or encourage her. Add to the mix that she was sure for most of the marriage that she was gay. Never acted on it and was true to him and kept to the marriage vow.

Well in December she met someone who offered her support, courage and love. She got involved with this person. She decided to try and remove herself from the religion by no longer going, so she wouldn’t be kicked out. She wanted to do it in this matter so as to not lose the ability to communicate with her adult daughter. But her husband could tell a difference in her. She told him no as far as sex and did not allow him to do it no matter how long he pushed the issue. She was finally standing up for herself.

Since he notice the difference but could not prove it he tap the phones. He found out via the tapes of her phone conversations that she was in fact involved and in love with someone else – and horror of horrors it was another women on top of it all. He took the tapes from the wired tapped phone conversations and gave them to the people in charge of the “church”. She was kicked out – her daughter will not talk to her. Her husband had grounds for divorce in the eyes of the church – but then he force himself on her again and now she feels like he is trying to re-trap her into the relationship.

He blames her for everything – and take no responsibility for his part in the deterioration of the marriage. I told her leave him and never look back. So what you all think. He told her the fact that he tape the conversations was no big deal. I told her if I were her I would have been upset with him tapping my phones. She is feeling guilty and is thinking about forcing herself back into this relationship. I told her run as fast as you can and never look back. She said if she ever wants to talk to her daughter again she has to go back to the relationship and the religion. Have you ever heard such a F’ed up story? The scary part is it is all true.

tapped the phone lines? forced himself on her? s

seek professional help if it's available and maybe a restraining order. forcing yourself on anyone is rape. married or not. i hope those laws apply where she lives as well. if that church kicks her out for being gay, then that's a church she doesn't need to be in. i just hope her situation doesn't turn her away from having faith; because it sounds like she needs it more than ever right now.

I always thought that tapping phones without authorization or consent is illegal....much like reading someone's mail....so she should have some recourse....as far as him forcing himself on her, depending on what state they live in, that is known as spousal rape...I know that in the military, its prosecuted as a felony offense...she should get out of this relationship as soon as she can....its terrible that her daughter won't speak to her....but if he's already showing no respect to her, or the law, then whats to stop him from doing worse to her if he chooses to...?

Um. First of all the husband sounds like he has abusive tendencies. Maybe he isn't a steryeotypical abuser, but he sounds like he could be.

Did he call you names and put you down? Did he get forceful with you?

The games he is playing by turning the church against you and tapping the phone lines is abuse too. He knows what he is doing.

What religion is this again???

Tell the church you don't need em or want em. The church is supposed to be there to offer love and healing. An affair is wrong, yes, but they should not turn their backs on you.

Go get a lawyer.

OMFG cocogrille, where have you been all this time? Great to see you again, honey..
Oh and sad sad story..
[Edited 6/13/07 6:06am]

With just the information given, I agree with all of the above. "Forcing" himself on her is no less than rape. She should run, and find resources to help her get back in touch with her daughter.

Did he call you names and put you down? Did he get forceful with you?

From what she says he is loud but doesn't call her names. She said he has been forceful in the past, and he has been forceful with their 16 year old son.


What religion is this again???

They are - are you ready for this?!?!?! Jehovah Witnesses -

Go get a lawyer.[/quote]
I have told her to get a Lawyer and get out also - but she seems to be scared. When I asked her is she was she said yes - but mostly of being alone.

reneGade20 said:

I agree - I told her that the next step in this could be that he might hurt her or worse.

REDFEATHERS said:

Hello love!!!

Been buried with work!!! But I have come up for air. How have you been?

cocogrille said:

I have told her to get a Lawyer and get out also - but she seems to be scared. When I asked her is she was she said yes - but mostly of being alone.[/quote]


I've been waiting for you to come back. I'm sorry, I thought this was about you.

Anyways, if ya wanna orgnote me ya can.

I've been through a VERY similar situation (including the church BS) although I'm not JW.

My situation is almost PARALLEL to your friends, and it is a DANGEROUS situation.

She needs to get her ducks in a row. And get down to business. So she's still in the hosue with this man? What state do you's live in? She can get HIM evicted from their home if he keeps his shit up. And he WILL still have to pay and will have to keep away from her.

cocogrille said:

Not seen you in ages.. I am well thanks..

REDFEATHERS said:

So tell me what you been up to, whats new, what have you been up to?