CarrieMpls said:

Only 4 outta 6, I think. . . I've heard the Huskies are a good team.

JustErin said:

Hipsters here wear 2nd hand stuff.

Hahaha.

The $300+ jeans and flashy and loud, ridiculously expensive sneakers, the dark or coloured glasses and the iPod...those are the hipsters I know and love.

JustErin said:

Yah, the hipsters I . . . well, know. . .I'm too cool to love them. . .have the iPods and glasses, but got their clothes from a dumpster, because it's "retarded" to spend that much money on clothes. When you could be spending it on, you know, turntables and ecstacy.

Enjoyable:


"Are you tired of being a nobody? Are you tired of never standing out in a crowd? Do you want to stop being another white sheep in the flock and become a black sheep in a slightly smaller, slightly cooler flock? Well then, do I have the 'Do U Wanna' guide for you! Oh, I know what you're thinking:
"I don't buy into this instant self-help junk! Everyone knows that becoming someone special requires talent, time, and knowledge! Those are three things I don't have!"

Ah, but that's where you're wrong, young friend. The act of becoming a specimen superiorous among the ambling masses of humanity requires only a careful ruse that can be successfully established in a MERE THIRTY DAYS! You see, nobody cares about you or what you think, and nobody ever will care about you or what you think. So why worry about things like authenticity and substance? That's for suckers, man. Or as a pretentious hipster would say: "That's sooooo... pre-modern!"

No, my good man, the path to becoming a slick, allusion-spouting hipster de le avant-garde is a simple three-step program focused on acquiring the core components of the pretentious hipster identity (or, rather, as the pretentious hipster might point out, the hipster's self-aware lack of identity):

1) The Passive Image

2) The 'Cred'

3) The Active Image

After the successful acquisition and integration of these three aspects, you will not merely be indistinguishable from a 'real' pretentious hipster, you will, in fact, BE a 'real' pretentious hipster. If anything, the calculated, ironic, and misguided degree to which you approach this project will only amplify your passive and active image, not to mention your Cred!

So don't fret. Don't spend another night crying into your Harry Potter books. The life of 'a cool kid', or rather, the life of 'a kid who thinks he's too cool for everyone else but is actually merely acting out a defense mechanism to cover up his or her general personal deficiencies' CAN BE YOURS IN JUST THIRTY DAYS!

1) THE PASSIVE IMAGE

Passive Image is vital for initial social insertion into pretentious hipster society, and it is, by far, the component that will take you the farthest. In fact, many pretentious hipsters just stop at the Passive Image, and technically, you could too. There are massive factions of pretentious hipsters who literally do nothing but wallow in the Passive Image. However, we want to go all the way. We want to make sure that you won't be called out as a 'charlatan' when that discussion of the Freudian subtext of Excepter's latest 7" comes up, and as such, we must consider the Passive Image only the initial vanguard in our effort to define your exciting new self!

A novelty t-shirt is, as they say, 'key.' It is also 'off the chain.' A novelty t-shirt will show that you are, in fact, 'in' with the culture's self-conciously quirky humor and willingness to spend $35 on a shirt that cost twenty cents to make (however, make absolutely sure the base shirt was produced by American Apparel, or the blood of some three-fingered Chinese boy will forever mar your Cred). If you're a guy, don't pay attention to the fact that this shirt is marketed towards girls. That's just a trick to ward off pretenders. Also, tightness is essential. If the sleeves don't cut off circulation to your arms, it's too big.

The second part of the critical one-two punch that will allow other pretentious hipsters to identify you is the $300 (at least) pair of European blue jeans. Again, we're looking for tightness here. This is your chance to show off what your soy-based diet has done to your lower body. Namely, that it has reduced it to a wobbly mass of decaying sinew. Keep in mind, however, that you can't use this as an excuse to show any creases in the cloth. The jeans must be skin tight with the wacky designs on the back pockets contorted by your jutting pelvic bones.

Did I say one-two punch? Ha, I meant one-two-three. A pair ofblack spectacles, while understandably cliche, are no less important! Are you lacking the commonly associated vision impairment? No matter, merely have your spectacles fitted with transparent glass. The important thing here is to signal that you're a smart reader. In fact, you are so smart, and such an avid reader, that you expect to become myopic at any second, even when you're not reading. Indeed, black-framed spectacles are not just YOUR window to the world, but also the frame by which others will make grotesquely inaccurate judgments about your intellect and personality. And that, friend, is exactly what we're aspiring to.

All is for naught if you can't actually go anywhere, and surely, you can't just go anywhere in any old pair of shoes. No, you need a wacky pair of sneakers. You eminate irony from head to toe, and this, despite what you might be thinking, can't be done with those vintage loafers that grandpa left at the house when he had his stroke. Your sneakers must be the most colorful, the most eye-catching, the most OUTREAGOUS! Rainbows must shoot from your feet as you gaily skip from destination to destination, and should you ever stop, the ground beneath should tremble from the sheer joyous power of its rainbow glow.

These days, an iPod is as important a status symbol as that messy haircut you just paid $80 for. An iPod, however, isn't just another accessory, it's a veritable cloaking device. It allows you to pretend to ignore the people around you while you do some sort of dance or softly mumble-sing the lyrics as you head from place to place. Of course, it's irrelevant what music is actually playing on the iPod. This device was not designed for music listening. Rather, it was specifically created to allow pretentious hipsters to revel in their attention grabbing while throwing up the illusion of being ecstatically absorbed in 'the music.'

But you'll need your iPod to stand out. It's like a mini-you, and as such, it needs some sort of quirky garb to signify its quirkiness to experienced quirk-seekers and quirk-sensitive pedestrians alike!

Everywhere you go, you must be seen with a copy of something written by Baudrillard, but never, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, should you actually open this book. It is not for reading! Yes, you must make it look read. I suggest throwing it around the room for a while and pouring coffee on the binding, but never, ever, should a single line of its internal text ever reach your eyes. Likewise, you should never fail to mention how much you like Baudrillard. In your blog, you must put Baudrillard as being chief among your interests, and you should speak of reading Baudrillard as if it were the equivalent of playing racketball.

"Yeah, Chuck and I go the park to read Baudrillard when we have the time!"

For added effect, consistently fail to pronounce the name with the appropriate silent 'd'.

In addition to all of the above, it is important to deck yourself out in kitschy accessories. Think of yourself as a Christmas tree, except you're alive and Christmas is happenin' every day of the year."



(edit: this is apparently a work in progress; this was all that was posted)
[Edited 5/24/07 8:38am]

Fuck the hipsters! I could never fit in with them. Yeah, I like New Wave and Indie Rock and stuff. But I can't stand their clique-ishness and snobbery. They're taking over NYC now, especially in places like Williamsburg and both sides of the Village. A lot of them are out-of-town folks (which I'm not) who come here to NYC and decide to cat all cool and shit. That's not my scene at all!

Enjoyable:


"Are you tired of being a nobody? Are you tired of never standing out in a crowd? Do you want to stop being another white sheep in the flock and become a black sheep in a slightly smaller, slightly cooler flock? Well then, do I have the 'Do U Wanna' guide for you! Oh, I know what you're thinking:
"I don't buy into this instant self-help junk! Everyone knows that becoming someone special requires talent, time, and knowledge! Those are three things I don't have!"

Ah, but that's where you're wrong, young friend. The act of becoming a specimen superiorous among the ambling masses of humanity requires only a careful ruse that can be successfully established in a MERE THIRTY DAYS! You see, nobody cares about you or what you think, and nobody ever will care about you or what you think. So why worry about things like authenticity and substance? That's for suckers, man. Or as a pretentious hipster would say: "That's sooooo... pre-modern!"

No, my good man, the path to becoming a slick, allusion-spouting hipster de le avant-garde is a simple three-step program focused on acquiring the core components of the pretentious hipster identity (or, rather, as the pretentious hipster might point out, the hipster's self-aware lack of identity):

1) The Passive Image

2) The 'Cred'

3) The Active Image

After the successful acquisition and integration of these three aspects, you will not merely be indistinguishable from a 'real' pretentious hipster, you will, in fact, BE a 'real' pretentious hipster. If anything, the calculated, ironic, and misguided degree to which you approach this project will only amplify your passive and active image, not to mention your Cred!

So don't fret. Don't spend another night crying into your Harry Potter books. The life of 'a cool kid', or rather, the life of 'a kid who thinks he's too cool for everyone else but is actually merely acting out a defense mechanism to cover up his or her general personal deficiencies' CAN BE YOURS IN JUST THIRTY DAYS!

1) THE PASSIVE IMAGE

Passive Image is vital for initial social insertion into pretentious hipster society, and it is, by far, the component that will take you the farthest. In fact, many pretentious hipsters just stop at the Passive Image, and technically, you could too. There are massive factions of pretentious hipsters who literally do nothing but wallow in the Passive Image. However, we want to go all the way. We want to make sure that you won't be called out as a 'charlatan' when that discussion of the Freudian subtext of Excepter's latest 7" comes up, and as such, we must consider the Passive Image only the initial vanguard in our effort to define your exciting new self!

A novelty t-shirt is, as they say, 'key.' It is also 'off the chain.' A novelty t-shirt will show that you are, in fact, 'in' with the culture's self-conciously quirky humor and willingness to spend $35 on a shirt that cost twenty cents to make (however, make absolutely sure the base shirt was produced by American Apparel, or the blood of some three-fingered Chinese boy will forever mar your Cred). If you're a guy, don't pay attention to the fact that this shirt is marketed towards girls. That's just a trick to ward off pretenders. Also, tightness is essential. If the sleeves don't cut off circulation to your arms, it's too big.

The second part of the critical one-two punch that will allow other pretentious hipsters to identify you is the $300 (at least) pair of European blue jeans. Again, we're looking for tightness here. This is your chance to show off what your soy-based diet has done to your lower body. Namely, that it has reduced it to a wobbly mass of decaying sinew. Keep in mind, however, that you can't use this as an excuse to show any creases in the cloth. The jeans must be skin tight with the wacky designs on the back pockets contorted by your jutting pelvic bones.

Did I say one-two punch? Ha, I meant one-two-three. A pair ofblack spectacles, while understandably cliche, are no less important! Are you lacking the commonly associated vision impairment? No matter, merely have your spectacles fitted with transparent glass. The important thing here is to signal that you're a smart reader. In fact, you are so smart, and such an avid reader, that you expect to become myopic at any second, even when you're not reading. Indeed, black-framed spectacles are not just YOUR window to the world, but also the frame by which others will make grotesquely inaccurate judgments about your intellect and personality. And that, friend, is exactly what we're aspiring to.

All is for naught if you can't actually go anywhere, and surely, you can't just go anywhere in any old pair of shoes. No, you need a wacky pair of sneakers. You eminate irony from head to toe, and this, despite what you might be thinking, can't be done with those vintage loafers that grandpa left at the house when he had his stroke. Your sneakers must be the most colorful, the most eye-catching, the most OUTREAGOUS! Rainbows must shoot from your feet as you gaily skip from destination to destination, and should you ever stop, the ground beneath should tremble from the sheer joyous power of its rainbow glow.

These days, an iPod is as important a status symbol as that messy haircut you just paid $80 for. An iPod, however, isn't just another accessory, it's a veritable cloaking device. It allows you to pretend to ignore the people around you while you do some sort of dance or softly mumble-sing the lyrics as you head from place to place. Of course, it's irrelevant what music is actually playing on the iPod. This device was not designed for music listening. Rather, it was specifically created to allow pretentious hipsters to revel in their attention grabbing while throwing up the illusion of being ecstatically absorbed in 'the music.'

But you'll need your iPod to stand out. It's like a mini-you, and as such, it needs some sort of quirky garb to signify its quirkiness to experienced quirk-seekers and quirk-sensitive pedestrians alike!

Everywhere you go, you must be seen with a copy of something written by Baudrillard, but never, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, should you actually open this book. It is not for reading! Yes, you must make it look read. I suggest throwing it around the room for a while and pouring coffee on the binding, but never, ever, should a single line of its internal text ever reach your eyes. Likewise, you should never fail to mention how much you like Baudrillard. In your blog, you must put Baudrillard as being chief among your interests, and you should speak of reading Baudrillard as if it were the equivalent of playing racketball.

"Yeah, Chuck and I go the park to read Baudrillard when we have the time!"

For added effect, consistently fail to pronounce the name with the appropriate silent 'd'.

In addition to all of the above, it is important to deck yourself out in kitschy accessories. Think of yourself as a Christmas tree, except you're alive and Christmas is happenin' every day of the year."



(edit: this is apparently a work in progress; this was all that was posted)
[Edited 5/24/07 8:38am]

JustErin said:

Yah, the hipsters I . . . well, know. . .I'm too cool to love them. . .have the iPods and glasses, but got their clothes from a dumpster, because it's "retarded" to spend that much money on clothes. When you could be spending it on, you know, turntables and ecstacy.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

Well let me tell you about...ummm nevermind... @ turntables and ecstacy....

mostbeautifulgrlntheworld said:

He is NOT a hipster. He's a yuppie metrosexual.

Even if I am a New Wave Forever, I could never fit in with them. Pretension and arrogance is not my style. Nor are those silly asymmetrical haircuts. I learned how far I was from them last year when I went to see this band called The Rogers Sisters in Williamsburg.

Plus, they're taking over my community of Harlem, as well as other inner cities and hoods in NYC. But that's a whole different story.


Go on Youtube and check out my friends, The Hey Team! A new organization devoted to bringing down the vain and pretestious hipster scene.

Fuck the hipsters!

NWF said:

Dude, it's funny to laugh at hipsters, but if you seriously give a fuck, is that any better than, you know, having a stupid haircut?

HereToRockYourWorld said:

At the end of the day, it doesn't mean diddly-squat. But what it really comes down to is whether you're a good or bad person. And that's how people should be judged.

is this thread pro-hipster or not? i can't tell

XxAxX said:

Yes, it is.