Do you honestly and openly talk to your partner about any sexual fantasies, fetishes, needs, wants and desires you have?

I was watching a program last night about some guy busted by his girlfriend at an S&M club with another girl. He was in a dress (very unattractive one I might add) being dominated by a group of women.
When his girlfriend busted him he said that he had told her that he had a desire to be dominated so he was acting out on it because it was a need/desire of his. I also might add that she then dominated his ass and told him to go home and get his things and get the hell out. So- there went a 3 year relationship down the drain because of lack of communication.
I had a situation in the past with a partner that brought up spanking usually in a joking way. He never went into detail or asked for it- I guess because he knew that I was uncomfortable with the idea of hitting someone. Later I found out that his fetish/need/desire was pretty serious but I am still not sure why he never seriously discussed it with me.
So- I was just curious if it is common to keep those things from the one person that you are supposed to be closest to?

I am really lucky in as much as my partner and i are very in tune sexually and emotionally and i feel comfortable discussing anything and everything with her. We have explored some areas we both felt comfortable in and at the end of it all my personal wish is always that we are both happy and satisfied....so far i know we both are, indeed very much so.
I am open to pretty much most things but if i didn't feel comfortable with them i would say and i hope, well i know, she is the same.
It is not about boundaries. In fact if he (the guy in the program)felt that he could not communicate the idea with her then the relationship was doomed anyway. Communication is the key to happiness in a relationship IMHO.
I think i am pretty lucky because my girl is VERY open minded and her desire to please me is a big as mine to to please her so we both feel at ease discussing wants and desires.
Some things we have done have been spontaneous but i know we are both secure enough to call a halt if we are not comfortable.

If i wanted something i would have no problem talking about it but loving her is more important than some fantasy or percieved need.....put it this way...she rocks my world in and out of bed so if something i asked for was not ok for her then i know we would still end up hot,sweaty and satisfied....TMI?
[Edited 5/20/07 9:29am]

No- never TMI for me.

I guess the key is communication and comfort level with your partner.

I can give you more info if you want but it might be NSFW

I always talk about my likes and dislikes.

communication is key, just like any other aspect of a successful relationship.

rhamiel said:

Did she just happen to be there???

Or did she suspected him all along???

Do you honestly and openly talk to your partner about any sexual fantasies, fetishes, needs, wants and desires you have? If they are serious ones I want to act on yes. Though I also have ones that are mine alone for various reasons and I feel no need to share them.


So- I was just curious if it is common to keep those things from the one person that you are supposed to be closest to? As I said ... some things can be left unsaid. Humans are deeply complex sexual beings and what may be a major want/need/desire/fanatsy one day, could be a turn off the next and choices about telling and talking about all needs to be thought through

Mach said:

good points

I thought maybe someone would confess a naughty fantasy to me....




This is a Prince fan site..right?

I've shared my fantasies with my partner, and one with the world (in writing) but that was more fiction than anything else.

Teacher said:

Very cool! I enjoy writing about my fantasies....

Different sex partners bring out different freak aspects of me, so it all depends on the partner. The key thing is communication, and if someone doesn´t share the same level of freakishness , then she´d better find herself someone else, which is in the best interest for both of us.Vice versa, if she is too freaky for me, I have no right to complain and better find myself someone else.
It´s quite difficult to truly fall in love with someone who has totally different ideas about sex, isn´t it ?

Only once.

This is why people have to discuss their sexual preferences openly and honestly at the beginning of a relationship. If your partner turns out not to be into the one thing that really makes you bust your nut, inevitably you're going to go seeking it elsewhere.

KoolEaze said:

I agree, I think it does depend on the partner.

rhamiel said:

I liked to dress my girlfriend up in a somewhat domme-ish way



and dominate the shit out of her (bondage, spanking, hairpulling, anal, etc.). I tend to favor the humiliating language, as well ("You like that, don't you?!", "Who does this pussy belong to?", etc.).

Me and my girlfriend are very open about these things. I do have a fetish, and it took me a while to muster enough guts to tell her what it was. After that I've been able to act out my fantasies with her so, it was definitely worth telling her.

Ace said:

Agreed

I also have different freaky temdencies with different partners- different comfort levels.
very important to communicate likes and dislikes...

rhamiel said:

rhamiel said:

I often find it a difficult thing to verbalize. I don't know why that should be.
I could probably write about it for hours, though.

I purchased a little something this morning that will help with a few little things this coming weekend

CarrieMpls said:

TR and I write each other often, more so then talk about it because we often have very little private alone time with 4 kids and a busy family life ... we write about our likes and dislikes, a random fantasy or whatever. Not to say we never talk about it

Mach said:

That's awesome.

CarrieMpls said:

:hands Carrie a pencil:

WHAT, SO NONE OF Y'ALL...

Have had sex with animals?

And I thought this was a Prince site!

I'll certainly communicate all of that, but when and how depends on the person. Being the queen of TMI, I kind of like to let them take the lead a bit so as not to overwhelm them with the Freak.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

I should just start writing it all down someday. Then I can just hand over my novel when I need to.

CarrieMpls said:

Some people might run. The right person would call in sick to work and make themselves comfortable.
[Edited 5/21/07 7:47am]

HereToRockYourWorld said:

bingo!