My hubby is a recovering alcoholic. This has not been a easy road, which I knew it wouldn't. But he is better and better by the day, this man spent the majority of his life drinking, heavily at times to I might add. He would drink when he came home in the evenings ( and I'm talking alot 12-18 cans/bottles..whatever), if he woke up in the middle of the night, he'd drink to go back to sleep, it got to the point that it was affecting our relationship enough that I knew we had to make a decision or I was gonna have to leave ( there are children involved)..one night he just decided that it was enough and he wasn't going to drink anymore..( I am not a drinker, by definition. I might have an occasional mixed drink maybe 2-3 times a year..that's it), so as far as keeping alcohol away, that wasn't an issue. The toughest thing was to get out of that habit of going by the store on the way home, then there were nights of withdrawal symptoms, the cravings, the moodiness, etc..etc.., but they have passed.
I think your friend should really support her hubby by not drinking for a while herself ( if this is possible). Alot of his success depends on him, mainly on him, but I know it can mean alot for someone to have support from a spouse. It won't be easy for either one of them and they'll probably end up fussing at one another for no apparent reason, but it's all part of getting over the addiction.
Best of luck to your friend and her husband..I know this may sound silly to some, but we have said alot of prayers to help get us through this and I firmly believe in the power of prayer. best of luck to them..

I have a friend who is in a situation where her husband is a recovering alcoholic and he hasn't had a drink in a couple motnhs.

He had a serious problem, but the wqife (my friend) did not. But to be supportive of him, she quit buying alcohol for in their home. Okay that was fine. So they'd go out to dinner and what not, and even though my friend was also a heavy drinker and jonesed for a drink, she wouldn't let on. But her HUSBAND would say....Go ahead and get a drink honey, and so then she would...but only after his, telling her to do so.

This goes on for a bit, and eventually the husband had some co-workers over and told them to bring some beers for themselves, so they did. His wife was like, are you sure your okay with all this and he was like, YEAH. He even went to the extent of putting the lime in the Corona for them, and said it was OKAY.

So after a while it gets to the point where the wife CANNOT wait till the weekends come, so she can go out and unwind with a couple drinks. The husband was still like, NO BIG DEAL.

Okay so then it gets warmer out and they have cook outs and what not during the week, and her friends start bringing her cases of beer.

THEN the husband starts saying stuff, in a joking matter about how all she does is drink....don't bring ehr beer...blah blah....But he says it in a JOKING way.

This continues and she starts going out once every week or so WITHOUT him and it's not like she's going out JUST TO drink...but alcohol is there so she partakes.

NOW he still says, ITS FINE and JUST GO.

But NOW, every time they get in a little argument he BRINGS IT UP.

That 'she is not supportive, she's bringing alcohol and going out all the time' etc.

So my questions are this....
First of all, is it HER problem that HE had a problem? Should she have stop unwinding for HIS sake?

Also, I told her that, it seems that he's just USING her drinking as leverage for when they fight...and that he could REALLY care less.....OR is it that he DOES care or he wouldn't bring it up in the first place.....

THOUGHTS??

RaggDoll said:

Here's my advice for SureThing :

As someone who's no longer a fan of alcohol, can't say I'm too concerned about her need to "unwind" (there are other and better ways to do that).

That said, he's being a little bitch. As the old Yiddish proverb goes, "You can't ride two horses with one behind."

Either give up the drink (what I'd do) or lay down the law (i.e. Tell him he can't have it both ways).

Say hi to SureThing for me!

Ace said:

You goof, I was trying to be anon when I wrote that, but then the photo thread and I was liek, AHHHHH F' it!

I've been DYING to say, Fuck You and the Horse you Rode in on, for like EVER, and now you just reminded me of it....it's like that yawn that you can't get out.

Okay so anywyas, I'm not following what you're saying here ..... "Either give up the drink (what I'd do) or lay down the law (i.e. Tell him he can't have it both ways)."
Are you saying for my FRIEND just to give up the drink.....?

You goof, I was trying to be anon when I wrote that, but then the photo thread and I was like, AHHHHH F' it!

RaggDoll said:

That's what I'd do, but sounds like she's a slave to the grain.

Ace said:

I'm not arguing that, since I hate to argue.

I did talk to a friend Wed nite though.....heres the scenario

I needed a sitter so I could go out for a bit....Hub was working, so I had to call my Father in Law. UGH Well he's been on my case....just to start trouble, IMO saying I can't stay outta the bar....My husband is gonna get mad (which he's NOT) and causing a big stink.

So I go out...and I was like (to my friend) Like, what do YOU really think of all this (she knows me better than anyone).

She was like, Daniela, I don't think it's an issue....I just think that it BECOMES an issue in YOUR case because, A. your husband IS an alcoholic, and B)YOU have to get a sitter and all this other bullshit just to go out. She said that in any other case...that person wouldn't be considered to ghave any problem.

.....I dunno.

Did you know Beck's makes non-alcoholic beer? As someone who no longer had an interest in hangovers or poor decision-making, I'm totally diggin' it!

But I know what the right thing to do is.....

RaggDoll said:

Ace said:

Oh ACE! I'm so glad I came to visit and talk my probles through with you.

I'm having another ongoing dilema with my sex life as well....do you have time to discuss THAT!?

RaggDoll said:

Sure. The doctor is in.

Ace said:

Well I guess this as good a place as any, since your all freaks like me anyways.

Okay, this isn't just with my husband, it's been my whole life, no matter how hot the guy.

I CAN NOT cum unless I'm thinking of someone else. I mean, even say, I had a boyfriend, and while sleeping with him I was fantasizing about another man.....when I finally DO sleep with that man, I have to think of an entirely DIFFERENT man. WTF???

I mean, NEVER EVER EVER in my life have I came while being IN the situation going on. Like, I always had to pretend I was somewhere else and WITH someone else.

And like, I can masturbate and think of my current partner...I can get off.

But I just can't have sex and think of them.

What is THAT???

Its getting old, cuz the RL friends I've talked to about it, said they actually think of their husbands while having sex.

RaggDoll said:

Sounds like you wouldn't belong to any club that would have you as a member and that the grass is always greener on the someone-else's-penis side.

My advice? Who cares! If it gets you off,go with what ya know.

hisfan4ever : I wanted to ask you, so did it ever get to a point where he could just go out and drink socially?

Ace said:

Well I guess this as good a place as any, since your all freaks like me anyways.

Okay, this isn't just with my husband, it's been my whole life, no matter how hot the guy.

I CAN NOT cum unless I'm thinking of someone else. I mean, even say, I had a boyfriend, and while sleeping with him I was fantasizing about another man.....when I finally DO sleep with that man, I have to think of an entirely DIFFERENT man. WTF???

I mean, NEVER EVER EVER in my life have I came while being IN the situation going on. Like, I always had to pretend I was somewhere else and WITH someone else.

And like, I can masturbate and think of my current partner...I can get off.

But I just can't have sex and think of them.

What is THAT???

Its getting old, cuz the RL friends I've talked to about it, said they actually think of their husbands while having sex.

i would have figured you out from this thread topic

you were asking if a recovering alcoholic ever got to the point of being able to drink socially...

a guy who went to school with my dad drank and drank hard for years.
his kids grew up with a drunk dad but eventually he kicked it.
i'm not sure if he did that before or after he married his
second wife. but there was never any drink around their house.

and to be supportive when bob sociallized with his friends
they made sure there were plenty of non alcoholic options.
then his wife died of cancer. and bob sought out the companionship
of another woman and got remarried again. this new wife liked wine
so bob tried to have a glass with dinner. didn't work so well. he wasn't
so nice to be around anymore and my parents stopped inviting them over.

then bob got sick. it was not an easy time and he suffered greatly.
turns out he withered away from cirrosis of the liver (however you spell it)
i don't know if he would have got it anyway if he had stayed sober
or whether it was brought on from just those last three years of drinking again.
but he's dead either way.

.
[Edited 5/18/07 8:41am]

RaggDoll said:

unfortunately, no..there was no just a drink or 2 for him, it was all or nothing..so we went with nothing, he hasn't had a drink in 7 months now, and it's not that on occasion that the urge isn't there, especially after a tough day at work, but he just has to do something else..go for a walk, read his bible, anything to fend off that immediate urge, til it passes, kinda like when one stops smoking.I suppose..I know this is something that we will work with all of our lives, but that's okay..there may come a day when he can have just 1 or 2 and stop, but for now, that time hasn't come..just keep praying and trying..that's all one can do..if you want to org note me and talk further..feel free.

RaggDoll said:

To me it sounds as though you are unable to allow yourself to reach the point where you are vulnerable enough to achieve a complete intimacy with your partner - like there is a part of you which, for whatever reason/s, avoids letting another touch you mentally or emotionally, only physically; disassociating from your partner and the actual, real experience and instead going to a place in your mind with a fantasy partner feels safer, and provides a sense of retaining control.
[Edited 5/18/07 9:37am]

Ace said:

HAHHA
No, I didn't. Beer was totally my bag for the last 10 years, but I've recently discovered my love of tequila.

Any reccomendations?

In all seriousness....In my heart of hearts...I KNOW that in order to have a sucessful marriage, I'm gonna have to sacrafice.

BUT I LOVE ALCOHOL!

And then theres also the nagging in my gut that is like....he OWES me. Its MY turn to be taken care of. I was pregnant and nursing for the last 4 yrs, and now I have some freedom back....and he pulls this, I QUIT DRINKING bullshit.

Yanno?

But I know what the right thing to do is.....

RaggDoll said:

so wait - you're SureThing, back for another go-round and this thread is about YOU not about a "friend"????

INSATIABLE said:

Girl, I KNOW!
I understand what your saying up top though.

Be a good girl and support the alcoholic hubby...so what about her going out w/out him? Certainley she can drink THEN rite?

RaggDoll said:

Oh Dani, you're so transparent.

gemini13 said:

What am I thinking rite now?