Frog joke



Bloke comes home from work with a cock-sucking frog.
Bloke gives frog to wife.
Wife says "what the f**k am I supposed to do with this!!?"
Bloke says "teach it to cook then f**k off"

upon the year 5050 after JC humans have mastered such a level of technology that they think they can B fully autonomous...
The great congregation of the human nations, decides 2 delegate a messenger 2 deliver a message 2 God...

upon arriving to heaven's gates the messenger Knocks, and b4 God states :" God we human have reached such an ultimate level of technology and knowledge that we feel U deserve a vacation 4 we feel we do not need your services anymore..."

2 this God replies;" My son, I will give U one challenge, if U can create a human being, I will retire in peace"

So the messenger smiles and replies, : "that's easy", he picks up a handful of sand from the ground and with the technology he posesses creates a human being...

God then just looks at him and says:
"hmmm my son U failed, in order 2 succeed U need 2 use your OWN DIRT!!!"

Hi Redfeathers... sorry didnt get back to you yesterday. I was spending 7 has to get my f***ing Berlin-tix. I cant think of a good joke right now, so I'm gonna amerianize your's.



Dude comes home from work with a cock-sucking frog.
Dude gives frog to his old lady.
Old lady says "what the f**k am I supposed to do with this!!?"
Dude says "teach it to cook then f**k off"

soulpower said:

Thanx Chuck! I forgot that the americans might not understand the joke as I wrote it!

RedFeathers is gonna get slated! She is bad! and being nasty to fellow Yankees!
Give her a ! Ian the moderator to RedFeathers!
I love you all America!

did you just send me an orgnote? I cant open it at work...

ha ha that was funny...but i gotta deduct several style points for using that stupid "quick!" gimmick in the thread title...

How to handle a difficult customer
THIS IS DEFINITELY A MUST READ!!

If you ever have a difficult situation to manage, you might consider the
approach offered by this obviously well trained
Customer Service Officer.
Indeed, an award should go to the Ansett Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.



A crowded Ansett flight was cancelled after Ansett's 767s had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,"I HAVE to be on
this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS."
The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out".
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"



Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to
Gate 14".
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Ansett attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "F*** You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign...What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria...Back door to cafeteria.
Barium...What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section...A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan...Searching for the cat.
Cauterize...Made eye contact with her.
Colic...A sheep dog.
Coma...A punctuation mark.
D&C...Where Washington is.
Dilate...To live longer than your kids do.
Enema...Not a friend.
Fester...Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...A small lie.
G.I.Series...World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail...What you hang your coat on.
Impotent...Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...Getting hurt at work.
Morbid...A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates...Cheaper than day rates.
Medical Staff...A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.
Node...I knew it. Outpatient...A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...A fatherhood test. Pelvis...Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative...A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...Place to do upholstery.
Secretion...Hiding something
Tablet...A small table to change babies on.
Seizure...Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.
Terminal Illness...Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor...More than one.
Urine...Opposite of mine.
Varicose...Near by
Hospital...The biggest building in town, other than Joe's Feed Warehouse or Frank's Lumber Mill.

HIS OLD MAN...
a frog hops into a banks loan department,
jumps in a chair and says to the woman there.
"i'ld like to take an ocean cruise,
but i'ld like to buy a small boat to sail in."
he looked at her name plate Patricia Whack it said.
he frog says "now Ms Whack, i would like to take out a loan of $30,000, in order to purchase the boat."
the amazed woman held in her surprise and asked his name.
he said "i am kermit jagger, my father is mick jagger, and your bank manager is a close friend of my family."
the lady tells him that $30,000 is alot of money
and in order to secure the loanhe would need colateral.
with that the frog produces a little pink glass elephant
and hands it to her.
she looks at it and asks, "is this all you have?"
"yes." replied the frog. "go speak to your boss, i'm sure it will be enough."
the woman goes to the banks manager and tell him about the frog asking for the loan, "he says his name is kermit jagger and that he knows you, and all he has is this pink elephant..."
the bank manager say "do it, this is good enough."
not understanding she asked, "what is this???"
her boss says...
"It's A Nicknack Patti Whack, Give The Frog A Loan,
His Old Man's A Rolling Stone!!!

Erendira said:

REDFEATHERS said:

REDFEATHERS said:

Another joke, seeing as though it is another day!



A fortyish woman is jumping up and down on the bed and singing happily.
Her husband watches her for a while and then says, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"
The woman continues to bounce. "I don't care," she says. "I just got back from the doctor's and he says I have the breasts of an 18-year-old girl."
"Oh really?" says the husband. "And what did he say about your 40-year-old arse?"
"I'm sorry," says the woman, "but your name didn't come up."

He! He!

This guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to
come dressed as different emotions e.g.. anger, fear etc.
On the night of the party,the first guest arrives and he opens the
door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V
painted on his chest.
He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"
And the guy says, "I'm green with envy".
The host replies,"Brilliant, come on in and have a drink".
A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to
see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped
round her most intimate parts. (was that me???)
He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit,what emotion have you come as?"
And she replies, "I'm tickled pink".
The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party".
A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the
host opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, stark
naked,one
with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard, and the other with his penis
stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says,
"What the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that
out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"
Paddy replies, "Well, I'm f***king discustard, and my friend here
has just come in dispair."!!!

00769BAD said:

BAD - when was I yours? You must have got me drunk or and had me without me knowing!!!

One tuff mouse...
Three mice were sitting in a bar, in a really ruff hood, late one nite tryin to impress oneanother.
the first mouse downs a shot of bourbon and slams the glass on the bar exclaiming...

"when i see a mousetrap i lie on my back in it and sets it off with my foot, i catch the bar in me hands, bench press it twenty times to work up an appitite and make off with the cheese."
the second mouse orders two shots of tequila, downs them both, slams the glasses to the bar, turns to the first mouse and says
"when i see rat poison, i collect as much of it as i can,
take it home, mash it into a fine powder, and use it to put in my coffee in the mornings to get a good buzz for the day..."
they both turned to the third mouse and sneered.
the third mouse drank the rest of his beer put the mug down
streached, yawned and said.
"sorry guys i don't have time for this shit,
i gotta go home and fuck the cat."