When it all falls down, what do you do. How do you go on, how do you fix what is broke. You see it constantly falling apart, and you try to fix it, but on the inside it still hurts. No matter what you do is not good enough, no matter how hard you try you fail, things are your fault, you sabotage stuff so they say, and others see you as being aggressive or passive aggressive because when you try to too explain your side you are either always wrong, not supportive, or out of place. I can only be supportive to a point and when I hit the point of not getting the support I need I can no longer support someone else. I try to better myself and it blows up in m face and I just make it worse for others. Is there just a point where you say fuck it and or do you keep trying or just walk away no matter how it hurts or no matter how much you don't want to. I sometimes wish I could just push rewind and life would start back over again. Right now I honestly wish it was Sept 2005, the worst time of my life, but it hurt so much less then it does now. I feel so unprotected that I just want to run and hide in the arms of my mother who is 2,000 some miles away...mind you we don’t get along at all….where I know I will feel safe. It all just replays in my head over and over again and my head feels like it is going to explode. I think of all the possible outcomes that could come of this and none of them are good, I am going to get hurt in the end. My life philosophy has always been to look out for number one who is yourself, but for some reason now I feel the need to not follow that rule, and I can not but help but try to take care of others and it is draining me to the point that I can barely function. I just wish I did not feel like I am a burden or a problem, when I try so hard, but nothing comes out right. I just can not get it right. I just wish someone would take me as I am, because I am tired of trying to fit into someone else’s standards, I am tired of feeling alone, and I am so tired of this life that I frankly hate right now. All of this because I asked a question and needed further explanation because I did not understand at first. I have now come to the conclusion that I must be stupid. I am not one to have regrets....but fuck my heart is


Fuck it I am out…venting complete.






She's been down and out
She's been wrote about
She's been talked about, constantly
She's been up and down
She's been pushed around
But they held her down, NYC
She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they
helped make to make she
She's been lost and found
And she's still around
There's a reason for everything

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Now she's older now
Yes, she's wiser now
Can't disguise her now
She don't need
No one tellin her
What to do and say
No one tellin her
Who to be
She's on solid ground
She's been lost and found
Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident
This is not the end
Ask me how I know
Cause she is me.

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

So it's all or nothing at all,
All or nothing at all
Don't you know I can only be me.
(I can only be me, yeah)

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Take me as I am.
Take me as I am.
Said it's all or nothing at all
Said it's all or nothing at all

Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all. (This is me)
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing, nothing at all.
Take me as I am.
[Edited 5/6/07 3:06am]

Sometimes things may seem bad, but tmrw brings a brighter day

I'm trying to figure out how to do that myself but I do know that you have to be okay, happy, at peace, functioning properly or whatever first before you can do or be anything to someone else.

Did Matt break up with you too? If so, he's racking up a rather long line.

I pray a lot, if I have to say it like that. And I go in me, deep inside and look what is my need and see, I have to love myself and try to find a balance doing meditation to balance the things and define my priorities new. I listen to my inner and believe, there's a sinn in that what happens and it helps the development of me and others. Concentration.

statuesqque said:

I can relate

I'll be your boyfriend.

Sorry, chickadee. I sometimes wonder why life always has to find a way to be so hard.