hisfan4ever said:

You're a kickass parent!! Keep it up, it'll serve them well their whole life.

Sometimes positive parenting means having to say no and meaning what you say and setting boundaries. Love your children so they know it. Praise the good but do not ignore the bad. Set good examples for your children. Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no.

Show your children affection. Play with them and teach them. This is what being a parent is all about. A bit concise I know but it has always stood me in good stead.

Anx said:

I agree, but I have to say my children are still confined in their ( my) boundaries. I am raising children from age 16 down through 8 years old, some of our children are here every other weekend and 2 of them live with us full time. It's hard to be a parent these days, not because of the kids, fortunately I have really good kids, but I know they see alot of their friends doing things that they can't understand why I won't let them do. I don't know if these other childrens parents aren't home, aren't paying attention, or just flat out don't care. I am doing my darnest to raise my children with morals and standards and I can only hope and pray to the lord above they turn out to be some of the best adults around. They don't get everything they want, they don't get to go wherever, whenever they want and they still get chores and have punishments,. I am here for my children if they need to talk, they may not always like what I have to say, and that's okay, their not suppose to, but as long as I have them willing to talk about things with me, I feel that's half the battle.

SlamGlam said:

What's a plane crah?

xplnyrslf said:

Yep, and it STILL makes one hell of a difference. One example: My best friend has two daughters, one is eight and one is five. The two are total opposites of each other, Nicole is oldest and a daredevil and Stephanie is younger and shy. It's their parents' jobs to make sure they have fun in what they choose to do, they both ride but Nicole wants to show jump and Steph is more comfy just riding flat... they should both feel they're worth just as much even though they choose different paths and Jen and Mike do this, Steph doesn't feel worth less cos she's not competing and prolly never will. THAT'S correct positive parenting and very few parents are capable of doing it right but that doesn't mean that carried out correctly it has a huge impact on the child's life.

PurpleJedi said:

Is that better?
There's simply no guarantees in life.

xplnyrslf said:

Of course there aren't.
But just because you're not guaranteed of getting hit by a train, do you ignore recklessly ignore crossing signals?

I worry every day that my kids may one day turn to drugs, gangs or promiscuity given the environment that they will probably be subjected to when they're older. But that doesn't mean that I am going to sit back and "see what happens". We are - and will continue to be - involved in every single aspect of their lives in an effort to prevent it!

xplnyrslf said:

Arggggg... You are to brilliant to take the low road,, stay the course!


...stay edit
[Edited 5/8/07 22:43pm]

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

I thought I was going on the same road? That was a silly simile....

blueblossom said:

Exactly!

i think parents these days want to negotiate with their kids instead of punish them, when more than anything, childen are begging for boundaries and limits to be set (whether they know it or not). kids need parents, not friends. you can be a friend to your child, but it can't get in the way of being a parent first.

Anx said:

This is probably a common misconception. Negotiation is not really the word I would use. Involving the child in decision making and parenting from the side instead of above is probably a more accurate description of parenting methods being encouraged today.

Nearly a year and a half into raising my son I have to say that these guidelines have to be taken with a pinch of salt. But beating a child because they don't do as they are told is clearly not the way either.

I agree entirely that kids need (want!) boundaries and by putting these in at an early age sets the foundations for adulthood. The problem is that "guidelines" aren’t aimed at individual people, they are often gross generalisations aimed at the more socially challenged in society to try and prevent some of the social problems we see when the little mites reach the teenage years.

The problem is the media set get hold of it, add a twist of Hollywood and we all think that good parenting is about letting your child do what the hell he likes and chatting to them about it afterwards with a councillor.

PREDOMINANT said:

all i know is, when the little darling in the next booth at a restaurant keeps reaching over and smacking me in the head and daddy says "NOW SKYLAR, DO YOU THINK THAT'S A REALLY NICE THING YOU'RE DOING?", it makes me appreciate the times my mom would put the FEAR OF GOD into me when i'd even ATTEMPT that kind of brattishness.

oh, but i'm sorry. i guess the way i was raised is now considered "child abuse". i'm a child of abuse because i wasn't given the option to act any damn way i chose and i was forced to behave myself. do i get a book deal? call oprah.

sorry, but the problem isn't hollywood. the problem is what i see with my own two eyes. permissive parenting sucks, straight up.

Anx said:

I'm in favor of a combination.

I think kids should be told to knock it the fuck off when they are misbehaving. But in a situation like precious little Skylar's, I think it's good to explain to the kid, as soon as the are old enough to comprehend it on any level, WHY it's not ok to do what they were doing before they stopped doing it in order to avoid being punished.

"Because I said so" is lazy and I think it encourages bad behavior.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

there's a way of appealing to a child's mind which conveys gravity and consequence, rather than "gee, sophie - let's go to our happy learning place and talk about why we shouldn't call grandma a filthy whore, mmkay?"

but i understand - disciplining is antiquated. children are our greatest commodities and babies are just little grown-ups in cutie drag.

Anx said:

Is it not possible to have consequences AND to learn something besides "you have to do what grownups tell you"?

HereToRockYourWorld said:

it's TOTALLY possible. but what do you do when you've explained until you're blue in the face, yet little adolf still insists on setting the dog on fire because it makes rover act silly?

there is a place for educating the young'uns, of course. and a philosophy of "because i said so" is lazy and irresponsible. but i think using authority as a parent and guardian is completely underrated these days, which is too bad.

Anx said:

I think it's fine to make them stop and THEN explain why.

I think we agree. Well, maybe. I'm not into hitting kids, so if that's "using authority", I don't think people should. But establishing consequences and being a total hardass about it? I'd say that's good parenting.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

Agreed!

CarrieMpls said:

I think you'll also agree that 12 is a good age to get your first pair of bikini jeans.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

No daughter of mine is getting a bikini wax at 12!!

HereToRockYourWorld said:

it's TOTALLY possible. but what do you do when you've explained until you're blue in the face, yet little adolf still insists on setting the dog on fire because it makes rover act silly?

there is a place for educating the young'uns, of course. and a philosophy of "because i said so" is lazy and irresponsible. but i think using authority as a parent and guardian is completely underrated these days, which is too bad.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

it's TOTALLY possible. but what do you do when you've explained until you're blue in the face, yet little adolf still insists on setting the dog on fire because it makes rover act silly?

there is a place for educating the young'uns, of course. and a philosophy of "because i said so" is lazy and irresponsible. but i think using authority as a parent and guardian is completely underrated these days, which is too bad.

...but still.....what is positive parenting????

I'm not clear what it all means.....if many agree to the concept, what is it you are agreeing too?