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Printablesome of this response (most of it actually) should be credited to Aaron. but he can't post yet, so here goes... "I am just lying here, thinking of all my indiscretions, all of my faults, hurts, and guilty acts. I sit here and I am flooded with their memory. Thoughts of betrayal, lost love, and selfishness. I feel so heavy, so tied up, wrapped tight in my fears and pain that I can barely breathe. This depression makes me sick to my stomach. I can barely hold down water. And I suppose that my story is just another one of a confused, sad, lost Catholic with burned bridges and steep slopes falled down too many times. But there is a point where a girl has to say that she deserves to be loved, that she is worthy of true, beautiful friendship, and that God does accept her as she is. She thinks that if she says it enough times, it might actually manifest itself in some effortless way of reconstructing a broken down system of self esteem and self worth. But still lying there on this ship in the place of worth and esteem are guilt and hatred. A guilt that is so heavy and so sordid that a thousand tides couldn't wash it off; a hatred that is so rooted in irrational feelings and thoughts and images that it can barely be survived.
re: above. so she feels bad. but isn't she laying it on a little thick? i mean really... who's she trying to convince, you or herself? it seems that she's trying to show off how sad she can be with all of this. But what does that self-absorbed "pity the martyr of her cause" prelude have to do with Ian Renner? I wonder where you went, to what depths of the world I have pushed you away that my soul-mated, eternal friend could not return a phone call, an email, a hand outstretched begging for forgivenmess. There was so much that you gave to me: unconditional love, forgiving friendship, an ear bent...and what did I give to you? Nothing. I gave you judgmental perceptions, self-centered thoughts, and fear...miles and miles of fear.
nice of her to validate what you suspected of her, isn't it? we really don't know what she meant to you or the intimate details of your friendship, but if this came to me, it would seem like a slap in the face. stirring up emotions that i'd buried some time ago, only to have them unexpectedly thrown into my face and make me feel the way i did all those years ago. and if you felt then like i suspect you do, this seems like she's knocking you down all over again after you've built yourself back up. I just want to apologize to you, Ian. I apologize for abusing your friendship, not telling you how deeply I return your love, and for never being there for you the way that you were for me. I want you to know that I do love you, probably more than you are willing to believe and even more than I am capable of expressing.
more self-serving b.s., it sounds like. yeah, she's sorry. but she's more concerned about getting this off her conscience and making herself feel better than she is about making you feel okay about it. I am not trying to be profound or share feelings or thoughts that are original to me.
yes she is trying to be profound. and she was sure trying to make them sound original to her with that fairy-tale version of heartache she started the letter with. I am simply trying to say that I love you and that I am sorry. I am trying to say that I miss you and that you a beautiful, wonderful, compassionate, whole human being who has more love than He knows what to do with.
yeah... so now what? Perhaps you will call or write or email. Perhaps you will say that you love and miss me, too. Or maybe you will say that you have grown past a depressed, lost college girl and that I should, too. And if you don't call, I will know that you are a better person than I am because if the situation were reversed you would not have let me wander so far in time and place without me knowing how you feel.
don't call her, Ian. you ARE a better person than she is. i promise you this. you're loving, open, and compassionate up front, and if she couldn't appreciate that THEN, then you don't need to be knocked back down by her. is this letter the only proof you have that she's changed? and yeah, she's sorry, and she wants to make things right. but then what? again, she seems much more concerned about herself than you. she's playing the tortured victim of her previously selfish bitch. I will be waiting.
please, Ian. please let her wait until the end of time. you're better than that. just tell her "thanks, i'm glad you're sorry" and then be done with her. Love, from the depths of my uncharted soul to the shores of your passionate, beautiful heart,
she's really laying it on thick here. again, who's she trying to convince, you or herself? Theresa Nichole Ann Gabriel Rauen"
anyone that signs a letter like this with so many of their names is definitely a drama queen. i'm sorry if you still have feelings for her or if i've offended you by giving an analysis of someone you cared for that we (Aaron and Sage) have never met. but we have met you. we know what a beautiful, wonderful person you are. anyone who can't appreciate see this immediately doesn't deserve a second chance with you. you're too good a person to let this sort of thing or this sort of person bring you down. | |
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TRON said: I agree. You should focus on the people who do love and support you Ian and not the ones who have repeatedly hurt you or pushed you away. There are so many people who think that you're the absolute shit. Even many of my good friends have considered you a friend and you're 4 years younger. That says a lot cuz you know how hot shit seniors in high school and college kids act. You're brilliant, beautiful, funny, caring, talented, spiritual, emotional, energetic, outgoing, vibrant, tolerant, unique, stylish, deep, wild, amazing, good-hearted, and most of all Ian. There's no one like you and there never will be. It might take awhile for you to find "the one" but I promise you that someone is out there. You're just so one of a kind that God designed it so that it wouldn't be an easy match to make. But the pay off will be unreal once you do meet her. Maybe you already have and don't know it yet. Maybe it won't be for 10 years. Maybe once you finally see Julie face to face.
 Who knows? But until then, believe me and everyone else when we say that we love you. Appreciate the people who will always be there for you and take comfort in that. You may be lonely but you're never alone. I love you. Don't let it bring you down.  Don't think it could be said any better than that. Brilliantly expressed TRON  --»You're my favourite moment, you're my Saturday... | |
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Thanks for the support guys. Theresa was a girl I was crazy about in college, but she didn't return the sentiment. Our friendship was fine until our last year, when she began to push me away. As much as it hurt, I realized that the more I tried to rectify things, the more fuel I added to the fire.
It just hurts to have this acknowledgement years later, after the bleeding had stopped, and as Sage said, after I had been able to build myself up again. All it does is remind me of how lonely my life has been and that I haven't had a single date in over 4 years. Now who's being the drama queen. I'll get over it, but I just received this today, and it was a sharp blow to a wound that had scarred over long ago. | |
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random thoughts-i really like ben and jerrys mint chocolate cookie ice cream
gwen stefanis wedding dress was questionable lol the latin grammys is not my kinda show im realizing justin timberlakes new video is actually not bad im chewing this old gum and i need a new peice. the girls that live across from us are totally party girls not the goody goody school girls i made them out to be. and i dont believe bigge killed tupac(altho quetionable) and tupac got new singles every yr. hmmm | |
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My random thought of the day- I don't want summer to be over. | |
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.
*Why is all porn so lame? I think I could really dig porn if it weren't so freakin' cheezy and awful. Doves, Mel!ssa[/quote] ha ha, hmm maybe your thinking of the lame music and acting/plot... hey, what are you doing in my room?..cut to xxx scene hmm not to much sucks about naked people | |
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TRON said: My random thought of the day- I don't want summer to be over.
me neither, i know summers over when its starts to get dark at 5pm  ...! | |
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Here are my random thoughts. I have a story to tell so bear with me and I will not make it to long. One day when I was at college during my sophmore year (yes a long time ago) and I was watching my now ex boyfriend play a game of soccer. Then out of nowhere came a aquaintence that I meet through a friend of mine at the time named Natasha. I had meet him once or twice before Natasha left for China. I was getting really annoyed with this boring soccer game that I was watching so I started a conversation with him and soon I forgot about the studpid soccer game and totally abosorbed in the conversation that I was having with Ian( that was his name). Before I knew it the game was over and we had made plans to hang out later that night. The strange thing is at the time I had no clue that I just had a conversation with the person who would later become my bestfriend during college and still to this day.
Ian you are like a brother to me, you have been there for me through so much shit I can not even remember it all. All of the midnight trips to Dennys, all the visa parties, all the everything. You were always there(except when you were in mexico). In all honesty I do not know what I would of done without you. Yea I had Todd, but it was not the same as having you around. All Todd falls into anymore is the long list of assholes that I have dated. But you Ian you are different and I have nver and will never meet anyone else like you. You are the most beautiful man I know. YES I AM BEING THE DRAMA QUEEN NOW. As for dates and love. Ian don't you worry cause "There will come a time when love will blow your mind, and everything you are looking for you will find." Cause I know how you are feeling asshole after asshole mistake after mistake I am still looking for that one true love.Who knows maybe I have already meet him maybe I have not, but I know that when the time is right is will be made known to me who this person is. Until then I just go on. The same thing will happen with you I promise. In life we all have to go through lots of different things good and bad before we find true happieness. But just trust me it will come, you will one day find true happiness I promise you that. This is where Ian I just have to and want to thank you for being yourself. There are not many people on this world who are themselves and you are one of them. Thank you for always being there when I needed you, cause I have always tried to do the same for you. You are my one and only bro and I love you very much. Love always your habuba Jessica | |
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MostBeautifulGrlNTheWorld said: Here are my random thoughts. I have a story to tell so bear with me and I will not make it to long. One day when I was at college during my sophmore year (yes a long time ago) and I was watching my now ex boyfriend play a game of soccer. Then out of nowhere came a aquaintence that I meet through a friend of mine at the time named Natasha. I had meet him once or twice before Natasha left for China. I was getting really annoyed with this boring soccer game that I was watching so I started a conversation with him and soon I forgot about the studpid soccer game and totally abosorbed in the conversation that I was having with Ian( that was his name). Before I knew it the game was over and we had made plans to hang out later that night. The strange thing is at the time I had no clue that I just had a conversation with the person who would later become my bestfriend during college and still to this day.
Ian you are like a brother to me, you have been there for me through so much shit I can not even remember it all. All of the midnight trips to Dennys, all the visa parties, all the everything. You were always there(except when you were in mexico). In all honesty I do not know what I would of done without you. Yea I had Todd, but it was not the same as having you around. All Todd falls into anymore is the long list of assholes that I have dated. But you Ian you are different and I have nver and will never meet anyone else like you. You are the most beautiful man I know. YES I AM BEING THE DRAMA QUEEN NOW. As for dates and love. Ian don't you worry cause "There will come a time when love will blow your mind, and everything you are looking for you will find." Cause I know how you are feeling asshole after asshole mistake after mistake I am still looking for that one true love.Who knows maybe I have already meet him maybe I have not, but I know that when the time is right is will be made known to me who this person is. Until then I just go on. The same thing will happen with you I promise. In life we all have to go through lots of different things good and bad before we find true happieness. But just trust me it will come, you will one day find true happiness I promise you that. This is where Ian I just have to and want to thank you for being yourself. There are not many people on this world who are themselves and you are one of them. Thank you for always being there when I needed you, cause I have always tried to do the same for you. You are my one and only bro and I love you very much. Love always your habuba Jessica Thank you, my sincerely beautiful friend. Your support has been constant and thorough. I love you. | |
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***I just saw the new Nelly video "Dilemna" with Kelly of Destiny's Child and I found myself enjoying it!! The song is too catchy to ignore.I also love the Patti LaBelle cameo at the end. | |
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Some folks on the org are touched in the head it seems... This post not for the wimp contingent. All whiny wusses avert your eyes. | |
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Christopher said: hmm not to much sucks about naked people
Unless they're hideous... 
my random thoughts:
  I never met you, but I LOVE you & I will forever!! Thank you for being YOU - my little Princey, the best to EVER do it | |
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= 
1) If ‘Bandaid’ plasters are skin coloured, why don’t they make black, olive skin, oriental colours aswell (do they) they should be sued for racism!
2) If I put my clothes on in a hurry and get deodrant marks on my black top, can’t they make black, red deodorants so it won’t show? 3) If I dug a tunnel through the earth so I would finish digging in Australia, I would not be able to climb out and sunbathe on the beach, because the earths gravity would pull me back to the UK. 4) How long would it take me to dig that tunnel? 5) If I fell through the hole, how long would it take? Would I die before I got there? 6) If the universe is never ending, where does it stop? Ok, contradicting myself here, but its gotta stop. RedFeathers can’t get her head round that. 7) Do you think Saddam Hussein makes sweet love to his woman, or is he rough as shit and rolls off and hits her when he has finished? 8) If I don’t eat ever, how long will it take me to die? (Scary thought!) 9) Does BAD really love RedFeathers? 10) If fish could swim in the air (yeah, not fly!) wouldn’t the world be a better place. 11) Is Heaven how we perceived it to be, as kids. If it gets over crowded will God charge rent for each cloud? 12) If I continue any longer will I get the sack from work? 13) Unlucky 13 – All these things I think of will inspire me at work funnily enough, so my boss shouldn’t complain! Edited: Now why did number 8 come up with a cool smiley emoticon? Wow! [This message was edited Thu Sep 19 3:48:32 PDT 2002 by REDFEATHERS] | |
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LOL...everytime I make a list,the number 8 always appears as a smiley face.I don't know why it does that,but it's cool  | |
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14) I am sooo glad Prince has got a cute butt. Can you imagine if Prince was born Michael Jackson and Michael Jackson was born Prince, I mean, what would Prince look like in assless pants with Michael Jacksons body?  | |
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14) cont...Or thongs, legwarmers and a mac!  I would have to die!
Or he would have to be killed! | |
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i really like the outfit i'm wearing
hope it doesn't rain today a burrito would taste good right about now, with avocado and salsa. | |
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I really want a cigarette... no, you are strong!... but I... no, you can do this... but just one... you CAN do this!
A bunch of that until the feeling passes and my mind is clear again... and then thoughts of: Why does my four year old insist on wearing her underwear backwards to be like models in the magazines? When did the tornado come through my house and where was I that I missed it? Furthermore, hasn't anyone else noticed the mess that the tornado left behind? Why did a five year old girl, tell my five year old son, that she thinks he is cute, wants to kiss him and make love to him? Hoping that that five year old girl meant "in love" and really has no idea what "making love" means. Happy to know that my son just said "Nooo!" and blushed. | |
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LadyCabDriver said: Chuck Jones was a genius. His cartoons for warner brothers were the best animations to come out of that studio. Some of his post WB stuff was good also. (except for his tom & jerry cartoons, I didn't like those) "feed the kitty" is one of his best ones from the WB period. "the dot and the line" is also brilliant. And let's not forget of course, "the grinch", classic stuff. that's it, just felt like giving chuck jones some props.
oh yeah, and...BlackMF can eat shit and die.  
another cool film by chuck jones: "the bear that wasn't". i thought i wuz the lone animation buff here on the .org...wow! 
tex avery kicked ass, 2--his stuff he did with wb before he left that studio was so-so...all of his mgm films kicked major boo-tay. 
it's odd, cuz i did a report on tex avery one time and i did some research...turns out that tex & prince left warners 4 almost the same reason.  | |
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@$# my son's father didn't show up for fair day...well..
my boss is well, 2 much for print... heh heh wishing i was sitting at VA Beach w/ some Krispy Kreme's and Dunkin Donuts coffee (sorry DavidEye) i think its gonna rain and my sunroof is open... i am really feeling those new gucci's - but my car has an issue.. i hate commuting ~Live Free ... Be Wyld~AlwaysOnlyMakeBelieve - LiveUrLyfe... laissez le bon temps rouler...vivre sans être sauvage...हमेशा ही बना विश्वास ~Change and do so CONSTANTLY... | |
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Random thoughts and questions...
KingSausage, you live in a funky/fonky part of town
and  - what do you really think of o(+>?
The TRUTH - what do people really think it is?
How can I be hot or cold - I just want 
I thank God for another year of life. 
What's going to happen in the next month? 
What if things were turned around? 
How come Prince changed "Rave Unto the Joy Fantastic" to "Rave Into the Joy Fantastic"? 
Kahlil Gibran's writings have touched me. I was given a book a long time ago by a friend.. one of my favs is "On Talking" 
"When you meet your friend on the roadside or in the market place, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue. Let the voice speak to the ear of his ear; For his soul will keep the truth of your heart as the taste of the wine is remembered When the colour is forgotten and the vessel is no more." Kahlil Gibran Krispy Kreme's  lots of fat! 
Thank God for  | |
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PlastikLuvAffair said:
another cool film by chuck jones: "the bear that wasn't". i thought i wuz the lone animation buff here on the .org...wow! Hell yeah! I think I've seen "the bear that wasn't"... and OMG I love Tex Avery too! Hey did you ever see "Wakiki rabbit"? That's either chuck jones or tex avery, I can't remember. That one was funny as hell. Then there's the "Claude cat" films Chuck did...TOO fucking funny! I love the Chuck Jones bugs bunny films more than the others. tex avery kicked ass, 2--his stuff he did with wb before he left that studio was so-so...all of his mgm films kicked major boo-tay.
Hell yeah they did! His droopy films were the bomb! But there was one WB cartoon he did that was good too..."I wanna singa" I think it's called, about this Owl musical family, based on Al Jolson. So cute! it's odd, cuz i did a report on tex avery one time and i did some research...turns out that tex & prince left warners 4 almost the same reason.
and you know what? He wasn't the ONLY one! A LOT of animators during the hey day of Hollywood had those type of problems, I recall hearing several stories about WB animators being at odds with their studio bosses. In fact, they even WROTE their grips into their films. | |
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LadyCabDriver said: Hell yeah! I think I've seen "the bear that wasn't"... and OMG I love Tex Avery too! Hey did you ever see "Wakiki rabbit"? That's either chuck jones or tex avery, I can't remember. That one was funny as hell. Then there's the "Claude cat" films Chuck did...TOO fucking funny! I love the Chuck Jones bugs bunny films more than the others. "wakiki rabbit" wuz a chuck jones, i think... claude cat wuz cool, 2...omg, that annoyin little dog--"bowwowwowowowowwow!!" 
Hell yeah they did! His droopy films were the bomb! But there was one WB cartoon he did that was good too..."I wanna singa" I think it's called, about this Owl musical family, based on Al Jolson. So cute! i keep seein that one from time 2 time...iii want to siiing... and the ones with the wolf and the "hot red riding hood"-chick were funny as phuc, 2.
and you know what? He wasn't the ONLY one! A LOT of animators during the hey day of Hollywood had those type of problems, I recall hearing several stories about WB animators being at odds with their studio bosses. In fact, they even WROTE their grips into their films.
yep! i remember bob clampett had did one...it wuz like his last film with warners...it had bugs and elmer fudd, and elmer ripped up his contract...bugs wuz all like, "no!! what about u and me???" 
i could talk about cartoons all day... | |
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PlastikLuvAffair said: LadyCabDriver said: Hell yeah! I think I've seen "the bear that wasn't"... and OMG I love Tex Avery too! Hey did you ever see "Wakiki rabbit"? That's either chuck jones or tex avery, I can't remember. That one was funny as hell. Then there's the "Claude cat" films Chuck did...TOO fucking funny! I love the Chuck Jones bugs bunny films more than the others. "wakiki rabbit" wuz a chuck jones, i think...
claude cat wuz cool, 2...omg, that annoyin little dog--"bowwowwowowowowwow!!" OMG!!! That's my fave scene from all those cartoons! When Claude jumped to the ceiling LOL...they used to fuck that cat up, didn't they?
Hell yeah they did! His droopy films were the bomb! But there was one WB cartoon he did that was good too..."I wanna singa" I think it's called, about this Owl musical family, based on Al Jolson. So cute! i keep seein that one from time 2 time...iii want to siiing... and the ones with the wolf and the "hot red riding hood"-chick were funny as phuc, 2.
and you know what? He wasn't the ONLY one! A LOT of animators during the hey day of Hollywood had those type of problems, I recall hearing several stories about WB animators being at odds with their studio bosses. In fact, they even WROTE their grips into their films.
yep! i remember bob clampett had did one...it wuz like his last film with warners...it had bugs and elmer fudd, and elmer ripped up his contract...bugs wuz all like, "no!! what about u and me???"
i could talk about cartoons all day... BOB CLAMPETT!!! He's another genius! Man, I could cartoons all day too...do you get the cartoon network channel? [This message was edited Thu Sep 19 9:14:27 PDT 2002 by LadyCabDriver] | |
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LadyCabDriver said: BOB CLAMPETT!!! He's another genius! Man, I could cartoons all day too...do you get the cartoon network channel? [This message was edited Thu Sep 19 9:14:27 PDT 2002 by LadyCabDriver] ohhh yeah...i get boomerang, 2...i got digital cable.
speakin of bob clampett, i love "the great piggy bank robbery" with daffy duck....2 funny....
 grrrr....[This message was edited Thu Sep 19 9:49:50 PDT 2002 by PlastikLuvAffair] | |
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Now who's being the drama queen.
I'll get over it, but I just received this today, and it was a sharp blow to a wound that had scarred over long ago. When scars like that are reopened again it hurts You seem to have some wonderful freinds, their love will heal your wounds. | |
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I'm getting gas from all the broccoli I just ate  | |
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CarrieLee said: I'm getting gas from all the broccoli I just ate
:::random thought:::thank god we don't have smellavision:::  | |
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CarrieLee said: I'm getting gas from all the broccoli I just ate
ugg...  | |
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- I really really miss the Internet. We were supposed to have DSL at our new apartment but the splitter ain't compatible with the modem. I'm waiting on a disc to come in the mail with the updated driver because their websites are down. If this doesn't fix it, I'm going to kill somebody.
- I don't like cooking for myself, doing my own laundry, grocery shopping - fuck, I just hate being independent. I want to go back home and have my family do everything for me. - I definitely dislike being single, but the only one I can see myself EVER being entirely happy with doesn't feel the same way. - Somebody needs to take my cell phone away from me when I am drunk... otherewise I will make harassing phone calls to the aforementioned boy. - It's my birthday and I had to wake up at 8 a.m. and I'm not getting home until at least 9. Today sucks. Oh yeah, and I miss my  [This message was edited Thu Sep 19 10:37:47 PDT 2002 by Natsume] I mean, like, where is the sun? | |
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