Beat Your Meat Manifesto
by jody franklin
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love." - Woody Allen

Pornography is more accessible now than it has ever been: a multi-billion dollar industry built upon the masturbatory indulgences of millions of people. It's the topic of dinner conversations, sitcoms (in which hilarity ensues!); porn stars like Ron Jeremy are widely recognized in Middle America, it is no longer scandalous to find a stack of Hustler magazines in Dad's underwear drawer. It seems that for everyone (save the Christian Right and some old-fashioned feministas in North America) the viewing of porn is seen as normal rather than a vice so vile it needs to be hidden in the darker corners of our persons. So why, in this climate, has masturbation not caught up in terms of acceptance, why does it still generate nervous titters and scornful derision?

If you were to ask me how often I have sex each week, I'd probably answer "at least ten times, often more." The reply to this might be, "wow, how does your partner keep up?" or "your partner must be a real nympho." Sometimes I've been in a fortunate enough situation to enjoy sex with a lover on a daily basis, but nobody, not even me, can sustain this indefinitely. You know what? I use the word sex as a synonym for masturbation. While I agree with Woody Allen's quote above, my views on masturbation see me shortening that phrase: "don't knock masturbation, it's sex." Period.

I've been informally polling people the past few years, ever since I stopped making the distinction between the varieties of sexual experience. I've discovered that most people use the word sex as a descriptor
So why, in this climate, has masturbation not caught up in terms of acceptance, why does it still generate nervous titters and scornful derision?
for intercourse, and intercourse only. "I just had sex." To you this means a penis was inserted into a vagina (or, if you're a gay man, a penis busting an ass). Blowjobs, cunnilingus, finger-banging somehow don't qualify as sex, they have to be categorized separately in part of some kind of weird, culturally-defined sexual hierarchy. Masturbation is the lowest form, of course, because the general attitude is that it is the act of a pathetic loser, a person who can't find sexual intimacy with another. All of the euphemisms of masturbation are used in the pejorative: we derisively sneer at the "wanker," the Van Halen wannabe who goes off on ten-minute guitar solos, and bitch out the "jerk-off" who stole our favorite parking spot. These archaic attitudes about masturbation serve to reinforce the taboos and guilt-ridden shame that surround physical self-love. If one is to walk in on the act of another masturbating, it is embarrassing for the peter-beater, and a white Christian shock, or an oh so hilarious story to tell, for the person who catches them. Yet walking in on two people engaged in a sex act will not bring upon the same feelings, as sex with another is seen as perfectly normal. As for the higher spots in the hierarchy, they are all covered by the well-known baseball metaphor, in which, of course, "going all the way," having intercourse, is heralded as scoring a home run. You're not actually having sex until you slide into home.

My sex drive operates quite high, has for years with very few wanes. I beat off, diddle myself, spank the monkey; I do this, well, a lot. It's sex with someone I love now, sure, but I can't say I've always loved myself. Did it, anyway. It's probable the turning point for me was when I started seeing masturbation as a deep act of self-love rather than just a way to quickly get my rocks off. Spending more time with my body, learning the myriad ways to experience pleasure, ritualizing it, drawing it out, trying novel techniques: masturbation has helped make me a better person, stronger within myself, and has healed infected, gaping wounds that were slicing up my ego-identity.


This is all fine and well, but for me the primary reason masturbation ranks as an equal lexical partner to intercourse, oral and all the rest when I say "I had sex," is that a good wank is just as effective as any of these other methods at uncoiling the electric whip that lashes my spine when I throw the entirety of my being into paroxysms of orgonic ecstasy. Yep: some of the most mind-blowing sex I've had has been with myself. I'm actually a better partner for myself than most partners I've had. And well I should be. I once read somewhere "we're all responsible for our own orgasms." That was revelatory for me, and I wonder if everyone understands what that truly means. You should know your body better than anyone else, you should be able to take the time to find the keys that unlock all your sexual secrets. When I have an orgasm with a partner I often say "thank you," but this thank you is not me saying "thank you for giving me an orgasm," a feat no other human has done for me, but rather "thank you for helping me achieve orgasm in a most pleasurable way, for being an intimate lover bearing witness to this most sacred of acts."

Go ahead, tell me to go fuck myself, call me a self-spankazoidal jism archer, I will not find these terms insulting. Partner or not, there is no shame in having sex with someone I love. To wit, I go boldly forth and across this land sing the praises of the raptures of Onan.

Why are the majority of Adult OnDemand
cable movies WITHOUT the money shots?

Is it supposed to reflect a more "safe"
vision of/for "wholesome" activity?

I thought this thread was about the group BEAT MEAT MANIFESTO from the 80's.



M

MIGUELGOMEZ said:

That would be Meat Beat Manifesto.

it must be that time of year again

heyduckie said:

Y'mean, the two blue moons in one month?

superspaceboy said:

Oops, I stand corrected.


M