CarrieMpls said:

Unimaginable.


Carrie and Emm:
I am sure most of us can say a relationship, or 13 year marriage (as in my case), plus a few other relationships, however, the loss of anyone important in our lives brings a sense of finalization that nothing else can entirely bring.

In my recent days, it involves the known reality of a life so full of energy, curiousity, the love of learning/discovery, play and love and knowing that only a miracle can give them a lengthier life. Seeing the two sides (life and death) side by side or within (while they are still physically here) and knowing the inevitable. One can never truly fathom "why?", one can only know/believe (as in my case), I am giving them life opportunities while they are here.

Supporting all to their very last breath, is beyond any long-term pain I have ever felt my entire life. With the extreme unquestionable, unreasonable death... a life-long battle of suffering and pain brings a sense of eternal everlasting peace.

I am dreading the day my aunt and uncle pass (who raised me and are undeniably my parents). One can be sure I am spending all the time that I can heartfully, while they are both still here.

Still, 3 years later....the care of my mother in her last days. It was just me and her dealing with doctors, social workers, insurance, etc. My brother got to "be emotional" and I had to be the big sister.


It haunted me more than the actually death. It has taken me 3 years and some therapy remember my mother as NOT beingsick and bald and dying.

I now can remember her as the DIVA she was and IS.

1. Watching my young son go through hell in his 18 months of life and then having to sign a form for nursing care only and he died in hospital while he was having his nappy (diaper) changed but I was not there. He died the day after my birthday and I have never celebrated it since. He was a beautiful child with brown curly hair and the biggest grey eyes. His smile was infectious and he always loved being cuddled. The hardest thing I suppose was when he had another breathing attack and they had to ventilate him again and needles were every where on his body and I put my head down on the mattress near his head and he looked at me and cried a silent cry because he was in pain but he stroked my face as if to say "why". 4 days later he was dead.

2. My son in law who I love dearly as a son now has cancer and is dying aged 26 years old and watching my daughter go through so much pain with great dignity and also my 3 grandchildren who will not have a father.

3. Watching my father in law die of cancer last year. He is very much missed and he bore his illness bravely.

I suppose the hardest thing is watching my loved ones go through so much pain and I can only support them and love them as best I can.

Imago said:

God, I totally relate to *all* of this. And the knock-on effects are with me to this day, particularly the way it has affected the relationship between my mother and I. It's a horrible situation to be in.

to both of you.

On a lighter note - paying my ex-husband £35,000 to piss off out of my life!!!!!

be completley honest with my wife about being unfaithful.

This is a tough one.


Well all I can think of right now is that I've had to learn and accept the hard truth about some people in life. Along the way in my youth I've learned the hard lesson that not everybody is going to like me or understand me or accept me for the way that I am. In some instances this cost me some friendships as well as romances (or what I thought would turn out to be romances). But hey, if you can't hang then that's not my problem, buddy.


Hard truth edit.
[Edited 4/30/07 7:07am]

Watching my father die a slow, painful death as he was terrified and fighting.

Watching my sister destroy her life and now dealing with her death.

Dealing with a sexual assult and resulting pregnancy.

Trying to rebuild my life after my downstairs neighbor burned down the house I was renting a flat in.

Rhondab said:

Watching my mother slowly dying from lymphoma. She passed four years ago, but I think about her every day.

Worrying that my youngest nephew would lose his eye from a dog bite. (thankfully, he didn't).

applekisses said:

Did the a-hole who did that get a nice, long prison sentence?

uPtoWnNY said:

No...

applekisses said:

I apologize for my question of if they caught the a-hole, I realize it was probably inappropriate.
[Edited 4/30/07 7:50am]

applekisses said:

my heartfelt prayers go out to you.

One of a lifetime filled with many things ...

help my best friend deal with the death of her 7 month old son



just one of many

Exams.. I am crap at exams..

Mach said:

My mom helped a neighbor friend of hers deal with the death of her 10 year old, after he succumbed to leukemia, by sharing a story of how she [my mom] had lost her first son when he was only one year old.

This was one of the deep dark secrets she never shared with anyone because I imagine it was too painful for her to talk about. I had always thought I was the first born child, but my Aunt, just the summer before this told me the truth.

Pain is everywhere to be found I'm afraid. I like to romanticize and say it makes the beautiful things in life even more so in this respect.




first song/first son edit
[Edited 4/30/07 8:12am]

blueblossom said:

Thanks.

applekisses said:

big ole to you!!

Rhondab said:

Thanks, beautiful



I should probably say that these things didn't happen all at once.

Watching my father die (Sept. 1997)

Watching my sister destroy her life and now dealing with her death. (April 2007)

Dealing with a sexual assult and resulting pregnancy. (Nov. 1988)

Trying to rebuild my life after my downstairs neighbor burned down the house I was renting a flat in (Oct. 2005)
[Edited 4/30/07 11:29am]

applekisses said:

Some ppl wouldn't have been able to make it through any of it. Its to build strength.

Strength is given so you can be strong for others.

Thanks for being a fighter.

I can relate.

Anx said:

ok anx-i know this wasnt meant to be funny but i freekin' laffed out loud..literally u rock

First, I just want to say that there are so many strong people in this thread.
Love, peace,prayers, and support to you all.

The hardest thing I had to do was for my sister and me to allow my mom to die after she had a stroke. I still don't know if we did the right thing, but we did what the doctors and nursing staff advised... She had a living-will,but this is one of those things that wasn't clearly covered.

Along with that, the second hardest thing I had to do was to euthanize my little Yorkie after he'd been diagnosed with a brain tumor.

Admit
Accept
Allow
Trust
Change
Let Go

one time, when i was like six,
i took this aweful dump .
I thought it was coming out side ways
and going to split by asshole in two.

luckily after about 30 minutes I was still alive.


WHEW!
[Edited 4/30/07 11:51am]

Finding my way out of my abusive relationship. The hardest thing I ever did because of how hopeless my life was at the time.

Dealing with my cousins death because it was because of domestic violence that she is dead.

.
[Edited 4/30/07 12:00pm]

Dealing with a much-needed breakup.

Rhondab said:

3 years. wow.

This time in your life and how you dealt with it, looking back I know that this was laying the groundwork that would be the staging ground for the next year after she passed. In that 14 months, my co-workers 14 year old son was killed by a train, one of my co-workers was found dead on his bathroom floor, my best friends ex gf was struck head on by a car and became mentally and physically disabled and then my cousin was murdered.

In all those events I relied on the strength that I found in how you dealt with the loss of your mother. I know I have told you this before but you can never know how much you have helped me in my life. I love you Rhonda.

Rhondab said:

Rhonda...thanks for telling me this...and thanks for understanding.

applekisses said:

It's true Andrea