*Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

*Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

*Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

*Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

*Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon).

*Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

*France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

*Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

*George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

*Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

*85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

*Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

*Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

*Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

*Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

*Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

*New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

*Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

*IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

*Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

*Prince rumored to release new album, tour to follow soon after.

That's the only one I would bet on.

This planet could be destroyed before the year 2029...

JoeTyler said:

OK?????

I hope everyone realizes this is a humorous thread....these headlines aren't meant to be serious.

Sowhat said:

Well, my statement isn't that serious...

this reminds me of Conans 'In the Year Two-thousand.....in the year two-thousand'

JoeTyler said:

.....That's what I thought, but based on the first two replies I got, I thought that just maybe people were taking it the wrong way.

Entertainment tonight still showing baby pictures of Anna Nicoles baby.

NastyPig said:

William Shatner's "Where no one has gone before: a cover of Prince songs" is still the best selling album of all time.

kpowers said:

...but sadly it might be actually true.

kpowers said:

That would be hilarious!

Sowhat said:

these three are the funniest!

All the ones that try to be serious are so full of shit it's not true. I'd rather try and live by the Onion.

Sowhat said:

FLORIDA WOMAN ARESSTED FOR TAMPERING WITH HER BARCODE


MICHAEL JACKSON BUYS RUSSIA


AMERICA & BRITAIN TO LEGALIZE CHILD LABOR


TOM CRUISE & PARTNER JUSTIN TIMERBLAKE DONATE TO NATIONS SCHOOL'S


"PRINCE & THE REVOLUTION TO REUNITE"
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[Edited 4/26/07 14:09pm]

Christopher said:

lol!! Those were so great!

Ok! here's my headline!

The Org reality show is renewed for it's 20th season!

President Timberlake Vetoes Bill to Ban Sexy; Congress Deemed A Bunch of Jealous Player Haters