Seriously. When are you being nice and when are you being taken advantage of?

I know that in the true essence of giving one does not expect anything in return but sometimes when I help people or give something, I end up with this feeling like maybe I shouldn't have helped this person. Then I feel bad because I try to help anyone who needs it, if I can. But then I go back to feeling like I shouldn't have helped this person...and so on.

So...being nice or being used...is there any difference?

JasmineFire said:

Yes. Like anything else in life, it's about balance. You can't give it all away; gotta save some for yourself.

Some allow themselves to fall into the trap of being a people-pleaser and unscrupulous people will take advantage of this.

I think it depends on how the other person reacts, if they do something to make you feel they were not quite grateful enough...

JasmineFire said:

Don't worry about the "true essence of giving". Trust your intuition. If it's telling you that someone's taking advantage of you, then cut 'em out of your life. Like a cancer. You can't save the world.

Ugh.

I don't know.

Getting used SUCKS!!!!!

I guess when your doing ALL the giving and getting nothing in return.

Ace said:

good advice. thanks.

here's my fortune cookie wisdumb:

give when it feels good to give.

rein it in otherwise.

there are graceful ways to say no or to "cut someone off" from your generosity.

offer more fishing lessons than fish dinners

Anx said:

How about not offering lessons or dinners? Is that okay, too?

The person I'm dealing with is a first rate ass...never says boo to me normally but magically finds my number when exam time rolls near.

Some people are not very grateful, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they're using you. I'd say you're being used if they always take you for granted without ever thinking twice about it or if they regularly rely on you for help without making an effort themselves. Don't let situations like that discourage you from being nice and generous in general though. Generosity is a rare and very positive quality to have.

JasmineFire said:

tell him/her to fuck off, seriously. don't let someone skate through a class by taking advantage of you.

evenstar3 said:

JasmineFire said:

Say to him... "Boo, motherfucker! Boo!"

I have a problem with letting people walk all over me, because I don't want to be mean. I don't know why I'm so afraid of saying "no" to people. I guess I want everyone to like me, but it's not worth getting stomped on. I'm trying to bemore honest with people, because I think honesty would be more appreciated than a passive, "Oh, ok." Anyway, that's enough about me and my problems...

UCantHavaDaMango said:

What's that quote always ascribed to Dr. Seuss? "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

2the9s said:

Ace said:

Thank you for that!

It's true though. If I can't be myself around someone, and tell them honestly that I can't do what they want, then it's not a good relationship. I need to apply that quote to some of my co-workers as well.

2the9s said:

JasmineFire said:

if offering a lesson feels as much of a burden as offering a dinner, then yeah, you're totally within your bounds to offer neither. of course, if this 'friend' is all up in your stuff as exam time rolls around, you may opt to hip them to the wonderous resources of a magical place called the damn LIBRARY.

Anx said:

yeah, i dropped that hint a few times. I think I may be off the hook as far as being the study bitch for this next round of exams though.

JasmineFire said:

explain clearly...he/she/shim cant keep use your intellect without giving you gas money. or something.

Anx said:

I'm loving those bits of wisdumb. Nice