"Have no fear of perfection, you'll never reach it." Salvador Dali

What's yours?

"Life is a god damn stinking treacherous game, and nine hundred and ninety nine men out of a thousand are bastards"--Theodore Dreiser. That one always cracked me up.

"My therapist said I'm not having the right kind of orgasms"
"That's funny because every one of mine has been right on the money"--Woody Allen

"I'm thinking about my girlfriend. She's not living anymore. I guess it's partly my fault. We were at a party. She was drinking. We started fighting, and she asked me to drive her home. I guess I didn't know how much she was drinking. She asked me again would I drive her home. I didn't want to, so I shot her"--Steve Martin

"When they asked me to host the Oscars I only had one question. Would my face lift be healed in time?"--Steve Martin