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PrintablereneGade20 said: Imago said: Ok, none of this story is true, but I kind of got caught up in the moment.     How'd you like the part about the lump on my shoulder? It added to air of desperation, no? | |
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AnckSuNamun said: lilgish said:    You watched that, I thought you were innocent and pure. Surprise Surprise
 the "inner" Anck???
 He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above... 
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Imago said: reneGade20 said: How'd you like the part about the lump on my shoulder? It added to air of desperation, no?  | |
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Imago said: reneGade20 said: How'd you like the part about the lump on my shoulder? It added to air of desperation, no? Yeah...  the lump was a nice touch.....
....you almost got me.....ALMOST!! He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
(George Eliot) the video for the above...
http://www.youtube.com/wa...re=related | |
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thedribbler said: Damn it, onenitealone you're a such a nice guy! good on you.
This goes to show how tough kids can be. They can endure so much grief and still become fine human beings. Yo eraclito, I know exactly where you're coming from (I think) I wish you all the best. I've known some people who've never suffered anything and 2 b honest more than most of these are often lacking in character/edge/balls, call it what you will. Sometimes, they lack this thing 2 the extent that I have 2 question whether my stars were that unlucky. Paul, THANK YOU for your kind words - sincerely, I really appreciate them.  Believe me, I am no saint - I have long-suffering friends who can attest to that - but I honestly do appreciate your comments.
And I know exactly where you are coming from in that last paragraph. I wouldn't necessarily wish these things on anyone - and I know you are not suggesting that - but, not that my life is some Hollywood mini-series or anything  , just I do think those experiences allowed me to view the world in a different way to those I grew up amongst. NOT in a special way, not in a unique way pretty much the same way that all sensitive people, many here, would view the world. I dread to think how my life would've turned out had I stayed in the town I grew up in. So, in a funny old way, I know what you mean  - you just *have* to take the positives out of a situation like that.
REDFEATHERS said: ohh nooo.. dont worry about it, really.. I look back not in horror or sadness, just look at it as part of growing up.. we do speak to each other and he has been a rock for me now we are older.. I am sorry for you and the others here who do not speak to their siblings cos of their childhood bullying..
I understand when you say that your family wont/dont believe it and make you out to be the bad guy in all this, and for that my heart goes out to you
But my brother got his come uppance.. I remember my Grandad caught a field mouse and gave it to my sister to put in my brothers bed.. she also broke his thumb too, bending it right back, either in rage or in the game of "fun play"
You can teach your sisters too much of your own dirty tricks and watch them come straight back at you
 Again, thank you Nicole - I do appreciate it. I am sure there are many people who have either added to this thread, or just read it, that completely empathise.
I'm glad you have managed to sort out things with your brother - that's a very positive step. Something I'm not sure I could do, to be honest. And your sister sounds like a tough little cookie. I like her style.
This thread has been quite cathartic, actually. Apologies if I seem at all self-indulgent. It doesn't contain anything I haven't told anyone before but I find it much easier writing about it than talking about it. I appreciate you taking the time to read it. 
Imago said: How'd you like the part about the lump on my shoulder? It added to air of desperation, no?
You schmuck.
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Imago said: reneGade20 said: How'd you like the part about the lump on my shoulder? It added to air of desperation, no? Didn't you pull this shit before? looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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AnckSuNamun said: 
This movie was pretty good. I always feel icky after watching Larry Clarke films. I loved BULLY and I can't deny BRAD RENFRO turned me the hell on. I know, I know..... Anybody watch KEN PARK? M MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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MIGUELGOMEZ said: AnckSuNamun said:
This movie was pretty good. I always feel icky after watching Larry Clarke films. I loved BULLY and I can't deny BRAD RENFRO turned me the hell on. I know, I know..... Anybody watch KEN PARK? M I'll have to check that one out. Other than Bully, I've only seen Kids. looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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AnckSuNamun said: MIGUELGOMEZ said: I always feel icky after watching Larry Clarke films. I loved BULLY and I can't deny BRAD RENFRO turned me the hell on. I know, I know..... Anybody watch KEN PARK? M I'll have to check that one out. Other than Bully, I've only seen Kids. Ken Park was banned. I think it was only released in Australia. I now know why. I really hope that the kids in the sex scenes in this movie were over 18. It was creepy. It was borderline porno. M MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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thedribbler said: onenitealone said: Hey Lito.
I absolutely agree - that feeling of sanctuary is something that lives with me to this day. I don't know if I should admit this - it's not something I tend to do - but I feel quite awkward in public sometimes. Not that I'm a freak or anything - I hope not; I do an okay job of looking confident and sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not - just, occasionally, I can get very self-conscious. I think it comes from constantly having to look over your shoulder or something. Having that safe place to come home to is something that is still very important to me. Where I can pull down the shutters. I suspect there are a lot of people on this site who identify with that, perhaps.
I feel like I've come full-circle in some ways - my 20's were very much my crazy years: going out, meeting people, exploring things, getting laid, getting drunk, trying to live life to the max. Now, I feel like I've almost gone back to that 16 year old who likes a bit of peace and quiet and his own solitude, sometimes. Not in a cloistered way - that's impossible living with housemates, anyway - just I feel like that was the real 'me' all along. I just managed to find my own feet and, hopefully, obtained a bit of confidence and learned a few lessons along the way. I/we are all still learning, I'm sure - the process never stops. I'm sorry hear you had such a tough time growing up, Lito. You strike me as such a strong character - it just goes to show you never know what people have been through or what experiences they've had. But I hope you've managed to find peace in yourself - which you seem to have - and that life is now finally treating you well. I'm not just saying this, I/we/the Org are all there to watch your back, don't forget. 
Take care.
. [Edited 4/1/07 4:36am] Damn it, onenitealone you're a such a nice guy! good on you. This goes to show how tough kids can be. They can endure so much grief and still become fine human beings. Yo eraclito, I know exactly where you're coming from (I think) I wish you all the best. I've known some people who've never suffered anything and 2 b honest more than most of these are often lacking in character/edge/balls, call it what you will. Sometimes, they lack this thing 2 the extent that I have 2 question whether my stars were that unlucky. I disagree. I've never suffered because I never allowed anyone to do this to me. I usually intimidated people out of a desire and determination to have the upper hand. Sounds bad, but I've always been this way. I have plenty of character/edge/ and definitely balls, and that's why no one fucked with me. | |
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gemini13 said: I have plenty of character/edge/ and definitely balls, and that's why no one fucked with me.
See? I totally understand this too. In my case, I adopted the perfect 'front' - an 'F-You' face - to detract any potential idiots. Add to this a shaved head and a mean stare and people think you're as hard as nails. I'm a complete pussy, really - no wonder people get confused.
But that was my tactic and, unintentionally, it has become part of my 'public image' (god, that sounds so wanky) for a long time. Again, a defence mechanism. It's like a trap that I created for myself. People are often surprised when they find out I am nothing like what they think I'll be like. | |
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onenitealone said: gemini13 said: I have plenty of character/edge/ and definitely balls, and that's why no one fucked with me.
See? I totally understand this too. In my case, I adopted the perfect 'front' - an 'F-You' face - to detract any potential idiots. Add to this a shaved head and a mean stare and people think you're as hard as nails. I'm a complete pussy, really - no wonder people get confused.
But that was my tactic and, unintentionally, it has become part of my 'public image' (god, that sounds so wanky) for a long time. Again, a defence mechanism. It's like a trap that I created for myself. People are often surprised when they find out I am nothing like what they think I'll be like. I too have two very distinct sides to my personality. | |
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gemini13 said: I too have two very distinct sides to my personality.
And it does get confusing for them/me.  | |
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gemini13 said: thedribbler said: Damn it, onenitealone you're a such a nice guy! good on you. This goes to show how tough kids can be. They can endure so much grief and still become fine human beings. Yo eraclito, I know exactly where you're coming from (I think) I wish you all the best. I've known some people who've never suffered anything and 2 b honest more than most of these are often lacking in character/edge/balls, call it what you will. Sometimes, they lack this thing 2 the extent that I have 2 question whether my stars were that unlucky. I disagree. I've never suffered because I never allowed anyone to do this to me. I usually intimidated people out of a desire and determination to have the upper hand. Sounds bad, but I've always been this way. I have plenty of character/edge/ and definitely balls, and that's why no one fucked with me. Any child "never allowing" anything is going to have a difficult time. Any child alone, literally fighting (physically and emotionally) nail and tooth against Giants, over the course of years is going 2 have 2 make some sacrifices. When a child conciously chooses to go without something that seems his, by law of nature, and accepts the consequences of his choice, well these things leave lasting changes in any persons psychology. A child doesn't know what rights he might have, indeed the concept of having rights is thoroughly adult. | |
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yeah, though it was brief, my period of ostracization radically changed my worldview. I can honestly say I am who I am today because of the fifth grade I was forced to re-evaluate all my priorities regarding being popular and what kind of person I would look up to. I became extremely independent and non-comformist and courageous from that point on because, see, I was a little philosopher.  | |
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heartbeatocean said: yeah, though it was brief, my period of ostracization radically changed my worldview. I can honestly say I am who I am today because of the fifth grade
I was forced to re-evaluate all my priorities regarding being popular and what kind of person I would look up to. I became extremely independent and non-comformist and courageous from that point on because, see, I was a little philosopher. Yeh, this is a significant and lasting change. The very nature of childhood defys the idea of taking these things lightly, or "on the chin". If they don't break you, they do change you forever. There is no easy way around. One goes through it and it can b seen as a hardening/desensitizing process or a growth process. No-one passes through unchanged or unbroken. [Edited 4/1/07 16:59pm] | |
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onenitealone said: eraclito said: sanctuary is very important, the home is where one is supposed to feel safe and shielded, i hear you totally. with me, because i was always rough and tumble the bruises were attributed to my naughtiness, and dismissed by everyone around me.
as i got older, i started going home later and later to avoid the rigmarol of making detours and trying to be out of sight out of mind. which obviously affected my studies, the fact that i never did any, wasn't a good foundation to build my life upon. staying out later, meant i had to occupy my bored and broke mind, befriending people who would eventually lead me astray. very soon i had a bad reputation and many run ins with the law. no one ever questioned why i had gone down this route, it was just assumed that i was a bad child. Hey Lito.
I absolutely agree - that feeling of sanctuary is something that lives with me to this day. I don't know if I should admit this - it's not something I tend to do - but I feel quite awkward in public sometimes. Not that I'm a freak or anything - I hope not; I do an okay job of looking confident and sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not - just, occasionally, I can get very self-conscious. I think it comes from constantly having to look over your shoulder or something. Having that safe place to come home to is something that is still very important to me. Where I can pull down the shutters. I suspect there are a lot of people on this site who identify with that, perhaps.
I feel like I've come full-circle in some ways - my 20's were very much my crazy years: going out, meeting people, exploring things, getting laid, getting drunk, trying to live life to the max. Now, I feel like I've almost gone back to that 16 year old who likes a bit of peace and quiet and his own solitude, sometimes. Not in a cloistered way - that's impossible living with housemates, anyway - just I feel like that was the real 'me' all along. I just managed to find my own feet and, hopefully, obtained a bit of confidence and learned a few lessons along the way. I/we are all still learning, I'm sure - the process never stops. I'm sorry hear you had such a tough time growing up, Lito. You strike me as such a strong character - it just goes to show you never know what people have been through or what experiences they've had. But I hope you've managed to find peace in yourself - which you seem to have - and that life is now finally treating you well. I'm not just saying this, I/we/the Org are all there to watch your back, don't forget.
Take care.
. [Edited 4/1/07 4:36am] thank you for your love you are a good guy for real, i actually believe it was because of my strength that i was targetted and bullied. by humiliating and oppressing me, he justified his own weakness and failings. i dont believe in living in fear, we have to confront our demons, otherwise we will always be running away. turning your fear into your fire. are you ready for submission
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eraclito said: thank you for your love you are a good guy for real, i actually believe it was because of my strength that i was targetted and bullied.
by humiliating and oppressing me, he justified his own weakness and failings. i dont believe in living in fear, we have to confront our demons, otherwise we will always be running away. turning your fear into your fire. Thank you and 
As I said before, you strike me as a very confident, self assured-person. I admire that. I know we all have to go through these things, and learn, in our own ways but I am very interested by what you have to say. I am glad that you got beyond these things.  | |
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AnckSuNamun said:
This movie was pretty good. Yeah, I saw this one. That bully did some pretty rotten things to his friends though. Some part of me thinks he deserved his fate. But I don't think those kids should've seen such an extreme fate of their own. Larry Clark is such a pedophile. NEW WAVE FOREVER: SLAVE TO THE WAVE FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE. | |
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yeah I was bullied quite a bit as a child. I think I was an easy target because I was short, way too quiet and my glasses were huge although I didn't let that keep me from dressing up stylish, something kids at my school couldn't afford to do so they couldn't decide whether I was a snob or a nerd. However I have reconnected with a few of these people and they've grown up and have apologized for certain things they've said or done in the past. | |
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Yeah, see that's another thing. I was talking to my friend/drummer one day about this issue. He said that I had to learn to forgive and let go. But seeing as how bad of an experience it was, I'm not so sure. I mean I have seen a couple of guys since then who I guess I'm cool with now. But then there's one time where I was riding on the bus and I saw one guy who used to bully me back then. I thought he wouldn't recognize me, but I guess he did since he smacked me in the head as I got off. And then there was another time where I saw him on his bike and he swished past me, almost knocking me down and shit.
With all that said it seemed like he hasn't changed or he is unwilling to let the past be the past and try and be mature now. So if I ever ever see him again he better pray that I don't have a broken bottle in my hand.  NEW WAVE FOREVER: SLAVE TO THE WAVE FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE. | |
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AnckSuNamun said: Imago said: How'd you like the part about the lump on my shoulder? It added to air of desperation, no? Didn't you pull this shit before? Yes, but the last time, I didn't have a lump on my shoulder. I keep takin it to a "higha level", see-wut-I'm-sayin? | |
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MIGUELGOMEZ said: AnckSuNamun said: I'll have to check that one out. Other than Bully, I've only seen Kids. Ken Park was banned. I think it was only released in Australia. I now know why. I really hope that the kids in the sex scenes in this movie were over 18. It was creepy. It was borderline porno. M I read a synopsis for that movie. I understand why some places banned it. I think I would've thrown up watching the father-daughter fake wedding/kiss .  looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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Imago said: AnckSuNamun said: Didn't you pull this shit before? Yes, but the last time, I didn't have a lump on my shoulder. I keep takin it to a "higha level", see-wut-I'm-sayin? looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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NWF said: AnckSuNamun said:
This movie was pretty good. Yeah, I saw this one. That bully did some pretty rotten things to his friends though. Some part of me thinks he deserved his fate. But I don't think those kids should've seen such an extreme fate of their own. Larry Clark is such a pedophile. I guess he's trying his best to portray real life teens. He's not off the mark to be honest. looking for you in the woods tonight Switch FC SW-2874-2863-4789 (Rum&Coke) | |
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AnckSuNamun said: NWF said: Yeah, I saw this one. That bully did some pretty rotten things to his friends though. Some part of me thinks he deserved his fate. But I don't think those kids should've seen such an extreme fate of their own. Larry Clark is such a pedophile. I guess he's trying his best to portray real life teens. He's not off the mark to be honest.That's the scary part is that he hits the nail on the head. I'm afraid to have children now. I'm curious about the movie WASSUP ROCKERS, his latest. I think ANX said that he wanted to take a bath after watching it. M MyeternalgrattitudetoPhil&Val.Herman said "We want sweaty truckers at the truck stop! We want cigar puffing men that look like they wanna beat the living daylights out of us" Val"sporking is spooning with benefits" | |
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NWF said: Yeah, see that's another thing. I was talking to my friend/drummer one day about this issue. He said that I had to learn to forgive and let go. But seeing as how bad of an experience it was, I'm not so sure. I mean I have seen a couple of guys since then who I guess I'm cool with now. But then there's one time where I was riding on the bus and I saw one guy who used to bully me back then. I thought he wouldn't recognize me, but I guess he did since he smacked me in the head as I got off. And then there was another time where I saw him on his bike and he swished past me, almost knocking me down and shit.
With all that said it seemed like he hasn't changed or he is unwilling to let the past be the past and try and be mature now. So if I ever ever see him again he better pray that I don't have a broken bottle in my hand. I can understand you being angry and what you have been through is dreadful.. but I think it is best to let it go.. dont sink to their level.. its them with the issues, and you going around saying stuff like that isnt gonna do you any favours.. it will get YOU in trouble.. remember.. just cos a child has been abused/bullied.. shouldnt make them an abuser.. deep breath.. look around at the good friends you have.. say fuck em to those guys - they arent even worth the borther... 
 I will love you forever and you will never be forgotten - L.A.F.  | |
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NWF said: Yeah, see that's another thing. I was talking to my friend/drummer one day about this issue. He said that I had to learn to forgive and let go. But seeing as how bad of an experience it was, I'm not so sure. I mean I have seen a couple of guys since then who I guess I'm cool with now. But then there's one time where I was riding on the bus and I saw one guy who used to bully me back then. I thought he wouldn't recognize me, but I guess he did since he smacked me in the head as I got off. And then there was another time where I saw him on his bike and he swished past me, almost knocking me down and shit.
With all that said it seemed like he hasn't changed or he is unwilling to let the past be the past and try and be mature now. So if I ever ever see him again he better pray that I don't have a broken bottle in my hand. I liked it better when you just talked about music. The Normal Whores Club | |
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FunkMistress said: NWF said: Yeah, see that's another thing. I was talking to my friend/drummer one day about this issue. He said that I had to learn to forgive and let go. But seeing as how bad of an experience it was, I'm not so sure. I mean I have seen a couple of guys since then who I guess I'm cool with now. But then there's one time where I was riding on the bus and I saw one guy who used to bully me back then. I thought he wouldn't recognize me, but I guess he did since he smacked me in the head as I got off. And then there was another time where I saw him on his bike and he swished past me, almost knocking me down and shit.
With all that said it seemed like he hasn't changed or he is unwilling to let the past be the past and try and be mature now. So if I ever ever see him again he better pray that I don't have a broken bottle in my hand. I liked it better when you just talked about music. Yeah, it think music is pretty much my strong suit here in orgland.
But.....I don't know, I've just been very pissed off these days. And as I look back on my younger years, the fact that I endured those hard times made me even angrier now. I wish I could've stood up for myself at that time, but I didn't really have much of a backbone. I still do believe that single parenting had something to do with that.  But you're right, I probably should let it go. I'm sure I'm in a much better place than those assholes are anyways.NEW WAVE FOREVER: SLAVE TO THE WAVE FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE. | |
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