In what ways do you express compassion or do you NOT show compassion normally in your life?


Just curious?

I some times go over board with mine and some times it comes back to bite me in the ass.

I am trying to be compassionate without compromising my happiness yet still have some sort of understanding for how others around me feel.

Some days I have a tough time balancing the two. I am trying....

I wish I could be less compassionate sometimes..

REDBABY said:

Me too - just some times...

You ladies might be confusing compassion with empathy.

True compassion doesn't drain you. It simply allows you to feel connected to another person through the universality of suffering, and to feel love for them because each of us knows what it is to suffer.

But when you empathize too much (take on another's feelings) maybe it can drain you and even harm you.

FunkMistress said:

empathy= your pain felt in my heart

You want more, and still more,
Until you get more than you ever bargained for.
Now it’s plain, clear as rain,
I’ve seen your symptoms many times before.

Lying on your bed of pain
What will you have now?

What are riches untold in a life without compassion?
For there’s no winter as cold
As a life without compassion.
There’s no prescription that’s sold
That can heal you like compassion.

Well you tried and you cried,
And let your disappointment make you hard inside.
You have doubt, you reach out,
Still you’re the only one you care about.

Hiding in your sack of woe
What do you need now?

For there is nothing so sad
As a life without compassion.
And even love has turned bad,
It was love without compassion.
And you don’t need what you had
’cause you did not have compassion.

Dying on your bed of pain
What will you have now?

You’ll get no judgment from me,
I can only feel compassion.
And if that’s what you need,
I will give you my compassion.
Just don’t forget about me
’cause we all need some compassion.

Open up your heart
So you can start to feel compassion.
Get down on your knees,
Pray to heaven for compassion.
Everybody needs compassion.
If you want to be healed
Then you know you got to feel compassion.


todd rundgren
compassion

FunkMistress said:

true that

mdiver said:

Yeah, and I think compassion is just more effective and healthy. Compassion allows me to sit with another person's feelings and feel love for them, without getting so overwhelmed that I'm no longer able to be there for them. When I start taking on their pain and feeling it in that way, then I'm less able to focus on them because I've taken on their discomfort and that can distract me from acting out of compassion.

if i've been in the same boat as someone else, my compassion switch automatically switches to "on" and it's easier for me to comfort and talk to that person. i've found it harder for me to empathize, because it really does drain you.

I don't think I feel compassion then, if it's what erin described.

.....I go straight to empathy.

FunkMistress said:

this is so me, empathizing way too much which doesn't keep me from being compassionate, and it DOES make me happy

by being there, listening, loving them through there pain/suffering, being their strength in their time of weakness.

I am very conscious of others distress. If I can help to alleviate, then I will as best as I can.

FunkMistress said:

FunkMistress said:

You are correct

I am often accused of being somewhat less than compassionate....only because after lending ear, arms, shoulders, and whatever else to help folks during their times, the excuses for why they're not making any real effort to get past their malady wear thin.....and I get to the point where the tough love angle comes to bear...."piss, or get off the pot"....if you're not gonna do anything to better your situation except bitch about how fucked up it is, what am I supposed to do, especially if I've been there listening to it for however long....? People, no matter how compassionate, reach the proverbial end of their rope..the limits of their patience....happens to the best of us....doesn't mean we love a friend any less, it just means that people get tired.....and a condition of friendship shouldn't have to be that I have to take on all of your stuff as my own...at some point, all the compassion in the world is meaningless if folks with the thing don't take ownership of it and make the change that needs to be made....

When does the need for compassion become martyrdom?

reneGade20 said:

some VERY good points. plus, your friends can't expect it to be a one way street. if they expect you to take on their problems, they should be fully willing to take on yours as well.

SexOnWheels said:

Indeed!! ...and my pet peeve is if all said friend wants is a shoulder, then say so....they will instead ask for advice and will get all pissy when it isn't what they want to hear or it doesn't give them the outcome or solution they're looking for....

true compassion never comes back to bite you

reneGade20 said:

For me, compassion doesn't mean I am attached one way or another to the outcome of the situation or what action the person takes.

Just because I've offered them compassion doesn't mean I expect them to behave a certain way. It's true though, that compassion can take on different forms depending on the situation. If your friend continues to wallow in misery, then sometimes the compassionate thing to do is to tell them you won't engage in their wallowing but will pray for their happiness. This way it doesn't affect you when they don't take your advice, or keep asking you for sympathy when they're not making any effort to change their situation. And they don't have to like it, either. Compassion is not about giving someone what they want (or what they think they want). Sympathy is a slippery slope, IMO. It easily gets turned to manipulation.

I'm a badass.

Imago said:

You're a contradicktion.

FunkMistress said:

Very well put!! But whats troubling about that is they'll write you off as being uncaring about their situation, or worse, will swear up and down that you're trying to force a solution down their throat....

reneGade20 said:

I don't mean to go deep on this, and I hope my response doesn't get this relegated to the closet known as P&R, but that question had me thinking:

The Bible describes Jesus Christ as having compassion on someone right before He healed or blessed or restored or fed them in some way.

I wonder if, in my life, I don't confuse sympathy (feeling sorry for someone's situation) with compassion. Because compassion moved Jesus to meet people's needs. I'm thinking that, by that standard, compassion should move me to be concerned enough about someone to try to meet their need, not just feel sorry for them.

In the words of Dalai Lama: "Compassion makes one see the picture clearly; when emotions overtake us, the lack of seeing clearly clouds our perception of reality and hence the cause of many misunderstandings leading to quarrels (even wars)."



i.e., compassion for one's enemy.

FunkMistress said:

Thanks for explaining that!

I think I'm still learning how to be compassionate WITHOUT jumping to empathy & action. I had a problem w/ that, it was draining as HELL

Boundaries are so necessary, especially when you learn to respect/uphold your own