Here's the situation:

1. One part of my job is to work with/train volunteers. One particular guy applied to be a volunteer and in our interview he was asking me where I lived (e.g. which borough of NYC), where did I go to school, professional background, whatever. I never give out my exact address just, "Oh it's near X school/college." but I did mention that my apartment building was being torn down and (horror of horrors) I was contemplating moving to Queens. He seemed nice enough, if not a little over eager at our first meeting.

2. So at our first volunteer training session he shows up 15 minutes early and I'm stuck talking with him before everyone else arrives. He asks me about the apt search. I tell him I have a few prospects but they are like safety schools--nice & probably I'll get into them; but I hope to find something better. He makes a comment about how I need to find a rich boyfriend. Which I deflect by saying, "Or win the lottery. ha ha." and change the subject. (I had never mentioned whether or not I even have a boyfriend.)

3. He shows up at my job the next day to go on a tour that he knows I am giving, even though I gave all the volunteers the exact same tour the day before.

4. Even though I have made it clear that he will be working with adults, he asked a lot of questions about how he could work with school groups, especially developmentally challenged/special needs.

5. At the next training session he shows up (early again) with a catalogue of works by a specific artist, who we had discussed the previous week. As he is showing me the illustrations/reproductions he casually says, "You know, we have some of these originals in our apartment if you ever want to come over and see them. I live right in the neighborhood." I said, "Oh really. Wow." and again try to change the subject.

What do you think, is this guy smarmy or not?

I am so totally grossed out. I don't even want to make eye contact with the guy, let alone have him volunteer for me (thankfully he will not be anywhere near children). Am I overreacting, though? I mean he hasn't outright hit on me, but my "womens intuition" or gut or 6th sense--whatever you want to call it--is completely going off. I mean all the comments/questions could be interpreted as him being "nice", but I just am getting a weird vibe about the whole thing. (I've had similiar vibes in other professional situations and they guys did end up acting completely inappropriately towards me.) Do I have to wait for him to do something completely out of line to confirm my suspicions?

And because he is a volunteer how can I get rid of him? Technically he hasn't even started "volunteering," he still has 6 weeks of training. We do require background checks be run on volunteers, but unless he's a major criminal he probably won't be disqualified from working with the general public in public spaces. And the background check takes up to 90 days to process, during which time the company allows them to actively volunteer....

Smarmy. Cut his advances off right now and you probably won't see him for the next six weeks.

Trust your instincts...he's smarmy. I wish I knew how you could get rid of him. Maybe Stymie's right.

what's a smarmy?

Stymie said:

co-sign.

ItsOnlyMe said:

It's an adjective, not a noun: of low sleazy taste or quality

Handclapsfingasnapz said:

Okay, but how do I do that? I mean I don't respond to his 'advances' now, I just ignore them or change the subject. And like I said it's not like he is being completely bold about it...the comments are just inappropriate enough for me to feel uncomfortable, but not so over the top that they are clearly harassment.

IrresistibleB1tch said:

Exactly--we struggle to get the number of volunteers we need so to lose even one makes a big impact. I hate this.




Yes, I think that will be my next step. Last week I thought, "maybe I'm being overly sensitive/paranoid" but after tonight's comment about coming over to his place I definitely need to mention it to someone else. Should I go for my supervisor, or the ombudsman first?

All day today I was dreading the training b/c I was worried about what/if something would happen. I don't even want him to know where my office is...which once (if) he becomes a volunteer he will have to know.

jone70 said:

Just tell him he is making you uncomfortable and that you are not interested in him.

jone70 said:

i don't know, i guess it depends on your organization. but either way, trust your gut - the guy obviously creeps you out, that's reason enough to distance yourself from him as much as possible. i hope you have an understanding supervisor/ombudsman to work with. good luck!

IrresistibleB1tch said:

it creeps me out!

no more small talk
you don't have to indulge him.

if he keeps showing up early make it clear you are busy preparing
and that you are not willing to discuss personal information.


i know it's easier said than done
definately make someone higher up aware there is a situation.
perhaps he will still be a good enough volunteer.

good luck... keep us updated

Ok, I am going to give your women's intuition the benefit of the doubt because I generally think women are smarter than men and you have actually met this guy and have a feel for him.....BUT....

based only on what you have said, it sounds to me like he has the hots for you. based only on what you have said, I am less sure that he would be a danger around kids. I think the "school groups/developmentally challenged" bit was a line to make you think he was a sensitive guy deserving of your time. That doesn't equal pedophile in my book. Smarmy? Perhaps. Not sure I would start calling him out as a molester yet, however.

Stax said:

I know asking about working with kids doesn't mean he's "lester the molester", but it was just one more weird thing, imho.

Yeah, maybe he has the hots for me, but that doesn't mean he should hit on me in a professional environment. I am his supervisor, technically. And two things I didn't mention in the initial post b/c I didn't want to "prejudice the jury" so to speak: he's married, and probably close to twice my age. So he should definitely not be hitting on me. Ugh. Nasty old married man. Maybe he mistakenly thinks I'm looking for a sugar daddy; but regardless he's married and not even close to being my type ( I don't do adultery for starters).

jone70 said:

I hear you. The married thing is definitely relevant information. He sounds like bad news.

emm said:

Thanks. I know I have to be tough, it's just hard because I want to be polite (professional); plus when I get nervous I tend to talk more to avoid awkward silences which is the opposite of what I need to do in this situation. Next week maybe I will ask one of my co-workers to come to the classroom with me while I'm setting up so if he does show up early again at least she'll be there with me and I can avoid chit-chat with just him.