First of all, let me state that i have been with many women both black and white ( when i say that i have been with many women don't neccessarily mean that i have slept with all of them) and the more women of different classes, creed and races I've dated the more preferences i've developed. Recently i was dating a gorgeous white woman and she wanted to pursue a deeper relationship...and I didn't want that. She is very beautiful to the eye, but she don't physically attract me personally, and I told her that. Many of my friends think i'm nuts because i'm not pursueing a deeper relationship with this beautuful woman. I bluntly told her that she is indeed a very attractive woman, but she don't physically attract me, and she don't understand that because nobody told her that before. I told her that she is tall, skinny, and have thin lips..having thin lips and a skinny body don't attract me to a female. Generally, black women have thick lips, and a thick body, and that attracts me personally...not all black women have those attributes but generally most black women do. I told her my preferences and she said that I am a racist. You see, the standard of beauty that is applied in the media don't have the preferences that i am attracted to. My physical preferences of a woman i am attracted to is a thick body, ( not fat) full thick lips, and a peanut butter skin complexion or darker...and generally black women have all those attributes. Who knows, maybe i'll fall in love and marry a woman without those attributes, but that is unlikely. So, I have a question to pose: Am I a racist because I love those attributes about a woman? By having my preferences, do you think I sound racist when I explain the preferences that I like to a woman that is white?

AbucahX said:

No, I don't think that makes you a racist at all..but it does make me wonder why you were seeing this girl in the first place? if you weren't attracted to her...then why were you with her? just wondering.

quote]

No, I don't think that makes you a racist at all..but it does make me wonder why you were seeing this girl in the first place? if you weren't attracted to her...then why were you with her? just wondering.
[/quote]

Hi Shorty, I was with her because I liked her personality and enjoyed being around her, and then we started to date and she wanted to take things a little further. Sometimes I date women who i am not physically attracted to, I date to get to know the person more. I don't have to be physically attracted to a female to date her. I hope you understand what i meant by that.

From your story I don't think you're a acist, just telling her the truth and the word black woman slipped from your lips. Now this woman has probably never been turned down because of her pretty looks and took it too personal.
People say stupid things when they're angry.

Jonesm

AbucahX said:

Hi Shorty, I was with her because I liked her personality and enjoyed being around her, and then we started to date and she wanted to take things a little further. Sometimes I date women who i am not physically attracted to, I date to get to know the person more. I don't have to be physically attracted to a female to date her. I hope you understand what i meant by that.[/quote]

Hi AbucahX,
I say if you liked being around her and her personality..then cool, you had a good candidate for a friend...why go into dating if you know it's not going to lead anywhere?...ya know what I'm trying to say? I guess I'm saying that...maybe you should just be friends with the women you aren't attracted to...and date the ones you are...does that make sense?

agotajonesmartha said:

lol, I wasn't angry when I told her my preferences, and the word "black woman" didn't slip from my lips..i meant to say that to her, that I am attracted to black women attributes. The only thing I would like to know is that by me saying that to a white woman, do that sound offensive or racist?

Shorty said:

Hi AbucahX,
I say if you liked being around her and her personality..then cool, you had a good candidate for a friend...why go into dating if you know it's not going to lead anywhere?...ya know what I'm trying to say? I guess I'm saying that...maybe you should just be friends with the women you aren't attracted to...and date the ones you are...does that make sense? [/quote]

lol, i know what you mean shorty, and yes, that does makes sense. I don't neccessarily go on a "romantic" date with women i am not physically attracted to, it's more of a "get to know me better" kind of date..i hope that make sense, lol. I don't by any means lead on women when dating, I am a blunt and upfront type of person and if i'm developing any feelings for a woman, i will most certainly let her know. I just date to get to know the woman better, as well as my self. I hope that makes sense...lol.

AbucahX said:[quote]
Well you like what you like! but don't make a habit of telling people "I love thick lips of black women" cuz that sound lame and it might hurt white women cuz I know if I was kinda dating some brother and that fool told me yeah you are fly" but I like soft blonde hair not nappy hair!like yours
or fake hair!!! I just like white women THEY just got something about them

1. there are a lot of thick nice!! looking white women!!!

2. dont put labels on people like that! we are all beautiful in every race!!!

yes we have our preference " like "I think Asian women are sooo hot!! But I know not to go around saying they look the best!!! www.iiimusic.com
[This message was edited Fri Sep 13 12:33:44 PDT 2002 by NavahTheButterFly]

AbucahX said:

I don't think it was racist at all.
.
[This message was edited Fri Sep 13 12:49:50 PDT 2002 by AzureStar]

that's not being rasict. u ain't hating.

u just have a specfic perference. that's all. what if u met a cuasican girl with a nice tan and thick lips? would u go out with her?

would u consider dating a girl who got fat from her thighs inserted in her lips?

reminds me of those slave masters in America

Hi, Navahthe butterfly and Azurestar, thanks for replying and sharing your thoughts. LOL, I don't go around stating to everyone that I love the thick lips of a black woman and all, lol..that would be stupid, and i'm not saying that black women is the best. All i'm saying is that certain features of a black woman attracts me. As for the woman I was dating, I didn't lead her on in any way that i liked her physically, I just really enjoyed being around her because she is so damn cool and all. She wanted to get "committed" and i wasn't up for all that, and I was scorned for it by my friends, her friends, and the woman herself. I know i probably fucked up when i told her that she don't physcially attract me, but she asked me the question why I didn't want to pursue a relationship and I bluntly told her. And she also asked me that if you're not attracted to me, then tell me who you're attracted to, and I bluntly told her. LoL, Azurestar, you think I deserved to get knocked on my ass? Maybe so, I don't know.

AbucahX said:

lol... Nah, I wasn't saying that you deserved that... I just know that is what I would have done in the situation I stated! I think it's very cool that you told her when you did, and not allow the relationship to continue in the direction it may have been headed.



.
[This message was edited Fri Sep 13 13:00:29 PDT 2002 by AzureStar]

subyduby said:

lol, subyduby. True, I felt that i wasn't hating at all. Some of her friends told her that I was hating, but I wasn't. I adore black women, and I don't think i'm hating on women of other races.

No woman likes being told a man isn't attracted to her, regardless of race. Women know that men usually place 'looks' at the top of the list of what they look for in a woman (at least at first they do), so when a man tells a woman he's not attracted to her, she believes she may not be valued. It's difficult, especially, to be told she's unattractive over something she can't help, such as racial characteristics...

Hmmm, tough question.

You know I would rather one be honest with me. You were right not to mislead her. And you were right to tell her right up front rather than deny what your truth was.

Racist, no. We all have our preferences.

sag10 said:

Thank you Sag10.

NavahTheButterFly said:[quote]

AbucahX said:

Hi Navahthebutterfly..i know there are plenty of great looking white women, i've dated some of them. And no, i'm not putting labels on races. She asked me what attracted me about a woman, and I told her. And by the way, nappy hair is beautiful in my opinion.

No, it's lipist.

AbucahX said:

lol, i know what you mean shorty, and yes, that does makes sense. I don't neccessarily go on a "romantic" date with women i am not physically attracted to, it's more of a "get to know me better" kind of date..i hope that make sense, lol. I don't by any means lead on women when dating, I am a blunt and upfront type of person and if i'm developing any feelings for a woman, i will most certainly let her know. I just date to get to know the woman better, as well as my self. I hope that makes sense...lol.[/quote]

I hear ya...about the not romantic dates thing...but then maybe they ain't really a date then...hmmm? lol
I think you sound sincere enough to know that you ain't racist...I think that gurl or any gurl for that matter...after being told that they are not found attractive is going to be a lil miffed...shall we say and on the defensive...so maybe that is the real problem...I'd say if you don't find the girl attractive...no matter what her race...then skip the "date" and try "hang out"...and do what girls do...to guys they don't really want to be with for whatever reason...tell her you just want to be friends...nothing more nothing less..ya know. good luck and remember presentation is everything...so no matter what you want to say...there is a right way and a wrong way..to say it.

Shorty said:

I hear ya...about the not romantic dates thing...but then maybe they ain't really a date then...hmmm? lol
I think you sound sincere enough to know that you ain't racist...I think that gurl or any gurl for that matter...after being told that they are not found attractive is going to be a lil miffed...shall we say and on the defensive...so maybe that is the real problem...I'd say if you don't find the girl attractive...no matter what her race...then skip the "date" and try "hang out"...and do what girls do...to guys they don't really want to be with for whatever reason...tell her you just want to be friends...nothing more nothing less..ya know. good luck and remember presentation is everything...so no matter what you want to say...there is a right way and a wrong way..to say it.
[/quote]

you're right shorty. Presentation is everything, and she was a little on the defensive when I told her. I honestly didn't think that she will react that way to it, calling me a racist and all, but I can understand why she was on the defensive. I didn't by any means mean to degrade her looks because she is definitely beautiful, and if any guy saw her they would state that. But, like I stated earlier, she don't physcially attract me. Maybe I could have have told her that in another way, but I would rather be honest with a person instead of misleading them. I think one of the reasons why she was on the defensive is because she was used to being complimented on her beauty and she was awestruck when I told her she didn't attract me.

AbucahX said:

you're right shorty. Presentation is everything, and she was a little on the defensive when I told her. I honestly didn't think that she will react that way to it, calling me a racist and all, but I can understand why she was on the defensive. I didn't by any means mean to degrade her looks because she is definitely beautiful, and if any guy saw her they would state that. But, like I stated earlier, she don't physcially attract me. Maybe I could have have told her that in another way, but I would rather be honest with a person instead of misleading them. I think one of the reasons why she was on the defensive is because she was used to being complimented on her beauty and she was awestruck when I told her she didn't attract me.[/quote]

yep, I think you're right about why she was so defensive...but if you think about it...not too many of us are ever really told that we aren't physically attractive to someone...it is kinda a slap in the face no matter what...I can totally understand you wanting to be honest, and I think you should...but leaving out the brutal details doesn't mean you're not being honest...ya know?
great convo btw

No, Abucah...This does not make you racist...

I know I'm not racist...I love people!!!

When it comes to being attracted to someone of the
opposite sex, then I have definite preferences.
It took me a while to recognize this...It was not
a conscious development...
I find that I am only "turned on" by men whose
skin is much darker than mine, with jet black hair.
There are handsome men everywhere...but the only ones I
turn around to give a second look range from candy-bar
chocolate to ebony.

Would I date anyone fair-skinned? I have.

.

Shorty said:

The reason she is so shocked at being rejected is because western society has decreed that thin blondes are at the very top of the beauty scale. Blondes are considered to represent the ideal of beauty. That's why it's possible for someone like Anna Kournikova to get rich for doing nothing.

Anna K. couldn't win a tournament if she had 2 partners on the court helping her out. But she's one of the highest paid tennis players in the world simply because she is thin, blonde, and considered to be beautiful.

which one on the lip or in the pants?
[This message was edited Fri Sep 13 21:47:20 PDT 2002 by thechronic]

Maybe I'm silly (or too picky) but WHY would you date anyone you weren't physically attracted to? Is it me or does the term "dating" imply sex (eventually) & a host of complications down the road that you DO NOT want to go through w/ someone who doesn't even turn you on. Why bother putting it under the illusion of "dating" - just call her a "friend" or "friend w/ benefits" from the start so nobody gets hurt.

Maybe that's too straight forward (for most women, anyway), I just hate bullshitting when you know it's not going anywhere. People are too sensitive, the world needs honesty & a little backbone...

MarcusGarvey said:

now that is really stupid. so to you any white man who has a preference for black women reminds you of a slave master? I do have a preference for that type of beauty (I wouldnt even call it "exotic beauty" because exotic is a subjective term), but i sure have nothing to do with a slave master. in fact, I even refuse to have a cleaning woman because I dont want anybody to clean my house even if I pay her. Garv, you have some issues you need to work out, man. from what I have read about you so far gives me the feeling you are IrishEcho

I like it when a man is able to see the beauty in all woman. Liking a woman of color (like myself) is not wrong it just means that you have an open mind when it comes down to being in a relationship.

Sexual attraction is an important part of sexual relationship, obviously. Bending your inner tastes to please others will only make you miserable. That said...the thin blonde is sooo common in the media that I could never date a thin blonde just because I'm bored with them.

Personally I think Jeanine Garafolo is one of the hottest chicks in movies! And she's supposed to be considered "dumpy" or some such by most...well, each to their own.

GoldNigga said:

OR she could just be hurt because he told her he wasnt attracted 2 her. I tend 2 go 4 the more obvious reasons. I really dont think she was thinking about society or anything like that when she got her feelings hurt.



This is true.